The Doll

A mother and her daughter go out to the beach one day. The mother hopes to teach her daughter how to swim, but a storm occurs and something goes wrong.

 

The wave crept up the beach like a giant hand, grabbing, reaching, and then slowly falling back into the ocean. It came back again, this time trying to bring the little doll with it, back into the swells of the ocean. It only succeeded in pulling a twig back with it. The twig floated atop the wave, almost tauntingly. It could not be swallowed by the water; it was invincible.

 

* * *

 

            “Mama!” shouted Loretta. The little four year old squealed in delight as another wave crashed against the shore, spraying her with warm, salty water.

            “Loretta!” cried Mrs. Robinson, sprinting over to her young daughter and scooping her up in her arms. Loretta’s arms and legs were splayed in every direction as she laughed breathlessly.

“Honey, mommy told you never to get too close to the water. You could get hurt!”

            Loretta looked up at her mother with her big blue eyes. Standing right next to the water, Mrs. Robinson noticed that her eyes almost resembled the colour of the water. “I’m sorry mommy,” she said quietly.

            Mrs. Robinson couldn’t keep the stern look on her face. She smiled faintly and hugged her only child closer to her heart. “Mommy could never stand losing you. You must always be careful. Now come, we must get you some lunch! You’ve had such a busy morning.”

            Mrs. Robinson continued to speak to her daughter lovingly as she carried her towards the beach house. Loretta looked past her mother’s arms and caught a glimpse of her stuffed dolly laying face down in the sand. She reached out her arm, but Mrs. Robinson didn’t notice. Another wave crashed against the shore, sending droplets of water in every direction.

 

* * *

 

           “There we go,” said Mrs. Robinson as she zipped up Loretta’s orange life jacket. “How do you like your lifejacket?”

            Loretta wrinkled her nose in distaste. “I think it’s ugly, and it feels funny!” Loretta pulled at the belt around her torso and looked at her mother with fake remorse. “Where’s your lifejacket, mommy?”

Mrs. Robinson laughed and hauled Loretta up into her arms. “I’m going to show you how to swim today. Mommy already knows how to swim, so I do not need a lifejacket.” Mrs. Robinson walked through the warm sand with Loretta in her arms. A slight wind picked up and whipped the sand across the beach. Loretta pressed her face into her mother’s shoulder as Mrs. Robinson stopped and looked away from the direction that the sand was flying.

“Oh my, it’s quite windy today,” stated Mrs. Robinson as she continued to walk again. “We shall only swim for a short while.”

As they reached the water’s edge, the wind picked up even more. The waves were coming towards the shore at great speeds and lapped against the beach harshly and with great intensity. Mrs. Robinson examined the scene before her.

“Mommy, let me down! I want to swim now.” Loretta was anxious to play in the huge waves. To her, they looked like a great deal of fun.

“Honey, we might have to wait until the water calms down before we can swim. It will be hard for you to learn when there are so many waves…”

Loretta cut her mother off with a squeal of frustration. “I swim now!”

Mrs. Robinson sighed in defeat. “Okay, here we go.” She took her first step into the frothy, white foam on the edge of the beach. Her senses were tingling due to the coolness of the water. She walked in until the water was up to her waist. She slowly lowered Loretta into the water, the waves coming and going, rocking them back and forth. Mrs. Robinson held onto Loretta’s arms, dragging her across the water.

“Keep going! Let’s go more!” Loretta cried in delight as another wave washed over them. Her mother laughed at her and pulled her backwards, heading towards the depths of the ocean. Loretta floated on her back, kicking and splashing with her feet as her mother pulled her through the water by her arms.

“Be careful, you’re splashing me!” Mrs. Robinson joked. “Ouch! What was that?” Loretta continued to splash as her mother released her in order to examine her foot. She had sliced her foot on something sharp, and now it was bleeding. As she was doing this, Loretta continued to float away from the shore. She kicked and splashed in delight as her mother grabbed for her.

“Loretta, stop! Come here now!” Mrs. Robinson stepped forward again, but felt another sharp pain go through her left foot this time.

“Loretta!” She continued to walk along the ocean floor towards her daughter. Loretta did not seem to notice, and she floated even father away. Mrs. Robinson got deeper into the water and the waves rose. Something cut her right ankle, and then she felt a deep slice on the bottom of her right foot. She cried out in pain as she reached for Loretta once again. She began to swim towards Loretta. A great wave came and went over Mrs. Robinson’s head. She was pushed down quite a ways by the impact, and ended up cutting her knees on whatever was coating the ocean floor. She came to the surface, gasping for air.

“Mommy!” cried Loretta as she spotted her mother resurface. She was only a couple of feet away from her mother, but she felt a strange push in the opposite direction. She began to cry as she tried to use her legs to swim back.

“Loretta, I’m coming. Try not to get too far. You’re getting closer to the current.” Mrs. Robinson reached her daughter right before another huge wave overtook them. Loretta’s lifejacket kept her afloat, but her mother went under. She coughed and spit the water out of her mouth as she waited for her mother to resurface again.

Mrs. Robinson was numb from the knees down. Her legs were cut up and practically useless. She was panic-stricken and didn’t understand what had happened to her. She came above the water and pushed Loretta towards shore with the small amount of strength that she could muster using only her upper body. “Swim towards the shore, Loretta. Just keep kicking your legs!”

Another wave, and then another came, each one taking Mrs. Robinson by surprise and pushing her underneath the water’s surface. She struggled for breath and swallowed part of the last wave that had pushed her below. Each time she went under, the corral underneath cut her legs and feet, making it more painful for her muscles to work. Mrs. Robinson caught a glimpse of the dark water beneath her turning a dark red. The colour had not yet reached the surface, but she could see it collecting around her lower body beneath the water.

The waves pushed Loretta forward as she struggled to make it to shore. She was crying and screaming when she wasn’t swallowing the water. Soon she felt the sand and she was then washed upon the shore. She looked back to see if her mother was following, but her mother was nowhere in sight.

“Mommy!” she screamed, tears streaming down her face. She was breathing heavily and couldn’t process what had happened to her mother. She tried to crawl away from the crashing waves and collapsed on the beach. A dark cloud covered her mind and then she dropped to the sand in exhaustion.

 

* * *

 

The waves crashed against the beach, striving to bring something back with them each time they retracted from the sand. The little doll, facedown in the sand, was still the targeted victim. The wave came towards the shore yet again, this time with more force than ever before. It grasped the doll and pulled it back into the dark swells of the ocean. Victory! The doll floated for half a second before becoming filled to the seams with the salty water. It tumbled and sank into the ocean, slowly sinking, until it hit the bottom. The doll was not invincible.

Author's Note

I would just like some critical feedback! Anything I should fix...change? Tear it up!

Reviews

[Rima]

Okay, great job!
I think it's well written
but a little sad
The story flows except for one sentence
"Loretta!" cried Mrs. Robinson, sprinting over to her young daughter and scooping her up in her arms."
You changed past tense to present tense... I would redo the sentence (my opinion)
anyway, great job

[Alphachad]

Holy s**t That was gripping

[just a touch of bitters..]

All I can think is "poor kid!"

I do like how you kind of had the ocean's point of view at the beginning and end of the story, as well how you tied in the idea of invincibility to it. "The doll was not invincible" - so powerful. Wow.

Sad, but well written. Well done. :)

[CassieLynne]

AnA you are totally right!! thanks I will make some changes

[AnA]

hey, Cassie. i was thinking about this story as i went home yesterday and something bumped up in my mind - how come there was no people at this beach, unless it was a privet beach maybe...

[Ashley]

This was truly an upsetting story, and very good i must add.

[AnA]

i enjoyed reading it! i think it well done. So sad and I guess you succeed with giving it emotions.