Mary

just read....tell me what you think it is referring to

I never knew that lust could feel so good. The wind continues to create circles around me. What am I doing? But she continues to tease me as if she is the last. I scream to my heart silently, temptation stop and let me pass. It doesn’t work, she doesn’t listen. So I draw her closer to my minds curiosity. She smells so beautiful. Her body is slender never minding the roughness of her skin. Accepting her smoothness and toxic taste. The whistling of the wind undermines the suspenseful scene and continues to live.
I am a sinner. I am becoming what my mom told me not to ever be. Me. The International Baccalaureate graduate that was in the top 20 percent of the state of Florida was standing here in between what could become an addiction. I try not to fall for her but I cannot help it, therefore I give up on trying detaching myself from her. Does this make me an impossible soul that does not have the power to control her? Am I not dedicated to myself enough to walk away from it all? All these questions that flutter my mind as if I am drowning in the sea of interest and there is no one there to save me but more confusion. At this point in time, I realize that I do not know who I am. Am I a good girl trying to play bad to fit in with the crowd that does not match my persona? Or have I been this malefactor of truth and goodness?
Her brown skin reminds me of a caramel kiss whose body I dare to taste. I can’t believe I am doing this. Someone save me please from this sin. My cries are ignored and I am laughed upon by the other sinners because I dare to be different. So I continue to try to convince myself that I need to do this. Leaving behind the cleanliness I once cherished. 
I stare in amazement at her aroma. I feel as if I am selling my soul to the Devil and I have a choice of whether being an individual or another teen statistic. Slowly her aerosol glides to the clouds connecting to the Heavens. Polluting the innocence of Mother Nature’s display. But I continue to praise her illegal presence and worship her undermining ability to trap her prey. On schedule, the wind negates the sweetness of purity. I am magnetized towards her poles. My heart begins to beat at a soft elegiac pace. My eyes shift left and right like windshield wipers on a rainy day in the middle of April. Pressure began to scare my mind into an automatic shut down. 
As I shut down, I ponder all the ideas of becoming who I think I want to be and who I should be. Should I be this adolescent of betrayal that denies the fact that I am different or should I be myself, the person no one thought would do wrong. Should I be rebellious and take control on my demonic side of life and let loose. I watch my scenery, and I catch what could be the last moment in my life that my body, which I once cherished as a holy temple, becomes infested with illicit remedies. Yet, I accept the punishment into my heart and I continue to listen to the background music of peer pressure and perplexity.
I envy her. I lust and long for everything that she has. Am I covetous of how she has everyone to worship her every move on Earth? Am I desirous because I want others to endure me as much as they do her? Again, my mentality is in doubt due to envy and desire. Why am I treated like the step child that was has no soul, yet I am more alive than she could ever be. Why am I mad at her, she has never done any harm to me. Maybe it’s because she took my family away from me a long time ago. I am different from them so I don’t know how to handle her venomous vigor. I am tired of fighting this feeling of emptiness and misunderstanding of who I am, so I pray that she will recognize me and take me under her wings and never let me go. 
She spots me and began to walk closer to me. Just what I needed in my life, a chance to talk to the one who has kissed every other person around me. The Mouth- W***e. What am I going to say to her? Do I make my time with her last as long as I can or do I take my time with her? Allowing her the chance to get me habituated to her sensation. The wind catches a whiff of her odor; she catches my attention even more. Her walk makes it seems as if she is walking on hazy air. She is standing right in front of me. Looking at me eye to eye. She doesn’t care about my age, race, height, or anything. The one positive thing I can say about her is that she doesn’t judge. Is that the reason I long for her I ask myself. Pushing my inquisitiveness to the side, I grab her unexpectedly.
I begin to admire what I think maybe my ticket into the world of being cool and being into the crowd. I go in for a kiss, but I am not ready. Her level of experience and responsibility are much higher than mines. So she dismisses my approach and backs away. The wind begins to collaborate with the laughter in the air. The laughter that was pointed towards me, giving me even more reason to try again. I pull her closer and closer. Keeping my eye on the prize, I inhale slowly. This time she welcomes me with open arms. I close my eyes, and I go in again. She kisses me back. Her lips are so soft. My eyes began to roll in the back of my head, reminding me of what it felt like to be free and careless. We repeat this ritual over and over and over again. 
I still do not know who I am.
I can’t push this notion of knowing what it feels like to get people addicted to you. She was popular; she could get people to do whatever just to get a little taste of her. She begins to embrace me. Things get hotter and life becomes a slow-moving distant figure. But I love the sensation. I began to feel as if I am the luckiest person in the world as she takes me to paradise on Cloud Nine. We float away in peace and harmony, as one. I start to open my eyes, and I became sadden with what I saw. I realized that she was gone. Nothing left but ashes. She is my escape, my bliss, my ecstasy, my heaven. The wind dies and I have to acknowledge the burden of going back to the real world that was intolerant and did not accept the fact that I was different.