Chapter 2;; Lust

Things become uncontrollable

Chapter 2:

Lust

Victoria led me to the forest behind the mansion where I was evidently staying. At first, I didn't understand... If I was wanting blood, wouldn't it be human blood?

“Where are we going?” I asked slowly, as she guided my wary body into the trees. I could smell everything, hear everything. Snapping of twigs a mile away from an animal, chirping of birds flying high above us... and the most dominant of all, the thumping of an animal's heart that was within only a few yards.

“You must realize that you were once human too, Violet. You must remember these things such that you wish not to take a life.” She explained like a teacher teaches a student, methodically and slowly. I took in every word as if it was something to suck in slowly.

“But, my throat hurts! It must go away!” I demanded impatiently, once more. “Please!” I begged.

“I will make it stop, child.” She said, tapping my nose. She was like an angel in the flesh before me, a fairy, maybe. A goddess seemed more appropriate. “Now, watch carefully, learn,”she said cautiously and then disappeared into the trees. She returned with the unmoving corpse of a deer in her arms, her teeth sunk into it's jugular. For a second, she didn't set it down while I watched willingly. And I grew mad... she took me into this forest to show me an animal?!

“Kneel down,” She ordered and I obeyed. The smell of it's blood... it was sweeter than a lot of things I've smelled just yet. But not enough to be made perfect. It was still warm, I could sense it, still somewhat living although the heart has ceased to beat. “Now, take in the blood where I have cut into the neck,” She said cordially, and then pointed with her finger where her full set of teeth bit into the animal. Hesitantly, I leaned down to see what I was about to do at a different angle. Gently, she leaned my head closer to it, forcing me to bite down into the flesh.

It wasn't... well, it wasn't what I was waiting for. But it was as good as anything. The burning in my throat, all over my body, the pulling at my frozen veins, it had grew just a little better. And I kept drinking, sucking in the life that the graceful deer just lost. The blood became colder and colder, and soon, it was not appetizing anymore. I pulled away quickly, my brows knitted together and looked up to the angel who was waiting for me to go on.

“I want more.” I demanded coldly. She only smiled, taking the cuff of her sleeve and wiping my mouth off with it just like my mother would have.

“Now, you will catch it for yourself, dear.” She replied, and started to run for the deeper forest. Eventually, finding I wasn't following her, she paused, turning around and signaled for me to follow. And I did, of course. I would follow her anywhere that would give me relief of the pain I would continuously suffer currently.

There were even more thumps that surrounded me, filling my senses with deep lust. My nostrils flared, taking in every part of it. The fresh blood that now flowed through all the veins in all the animals. The blood I wanted more than anything. There were fast and slow thumps that seemed to only whisper to me now. A lot of them were growing fainter and fainter as they seemed to hide from me. But it didn't matter, I was sure I could beat a gazelle at grace and speed. Suddenly, I was, as if it could be as natural as breathing, taking off into the trees like the speed of what I had been thinking I would be. Leaping over fallen trees, over small streams, and eventually large pools of water. And all I knew was that I had to find the louder thumping sound. And when I did, the taste would enter my mouth, as sweet as honey on a summer's day, brightening my senses as if I was living for the first time. Something like being born every time I sunk my teeth into the ideal animal, and the red would gush onto my lips as if nothing else happened.

I could feel the predator being sucked away from those that were in the animal kingdom into me. And I moved like the lion I had just battled away, I was graceful as a gazelle, and faster than the jack rabbit.

Soon, after about five times feeling the warm blood come into me, not exactly having any idea what I was doing in the forest I felt full and satisfied. I was aware of my surroundings once more, now acknowledging Victoria who had been following me all this time like my personal monitor. I turned around, reluctant to go away from my feast, but all the while trying. I wanted to know more. If I longed for human flesh, how could it be that I was even human before? I had to know more of this mystery and solve it. What was I? What am I now? I wasn't sure... I didn't have enough proof of anything. I was so distracted with the new world, I couldn't care because it had nothing to do with the old one.

“Are you filled, love?” She asked light-heartedly. A nod was good enough to me. She again wiped the blood off my mouth with her sleeve and looked down my clothing which I soon discovered was ripped and torn. Marks of the animals were left on it, rips and claw prints as I fought it down. She tsked with her tongue as she looked me over. “It's only you're first time, neatness is something that takes time to master.” She smiled again, and took my arm as we ran back toward where I came from without another word.

I was something new, something beautiful. When I first saw my actual reflection, I thought another person was passing it. My skin, ivory as it had been was now a little more luminous and lively. My hair no longer brown but... it was black. The girl in the mirror that stared back as awestruck as I felt, her mouth hanging open like mine. She was the most gorgeous person I've ever seen. The only thing that ruined it all, giving her a more dangerous look was her eyes. They were a blood-shot red. The color of death itself. I backed up, a little more than overwhelmed, but horrified. I was what I was... and I had to accept that, though.

“Are you okay, darling?” Victoria asked coming somehow from behind me.

“Am I a monster now?” I asked dully, still looking at the two people in the mirror, my fingers touching the mirror, just to see if it was actually a mirror.

“No, of course not. We will help you from becoming anything dangerous, of course.” She smiled again. I believed her, as usual.

“What am I? Truly?” I questioned even more intuitive.

“I have already mentioned what you are, Violet. Do you not believe me?”

“I'm not sure who to believe anymore.” I chided, and then turned to look at her. “Can you please answer my question... again?”

“You are a vampire. Like me, like Alexander. One of us, a whole other life. And you are not to worry, you are not to fear, this life will bring you so much more than any human life could ever bring.” She explained to me, rubbing my shoulders carefully pressing my head to her chest. “And I will protect you until the ends of the earth. I see good potential in you, Violet, and you will forever carry that light with you.”

I learned over time, more and more of what her words actually meant. How many good and bad things that can come out of this, and most of all the carefulness she showed toward me.

I felt loved when I was with her. I was sure she would stay with me as a mother would with her own daughter. And somehow, I felt more relation to her than I ever have with anyone that I could remember. Because she was just like me. Perhaps a little older, but she knew what I felt. And it was warming like the blood that now flooded my frozen veins both human and animal so much that it was miraculous. I don't believe life could ever feel this way itself. Alexander as well, seemed just as intuitive of my needs as Victoria seemed, if not more. He treated me with such respect, I hardly deserved it. I found him smiling when Victoria would repeatedly comb out my hair, and pamper me. He would go into town at night and come home large stacks of books in his arms because he somehow already knew that I loved to read.

They would give me everything an nothing when I stayed in the mansion, untouched by society and never seeing the light of day unless it is out a window. I found later on, when I go against Alexander's strict rules of day time, that when I open the shade, and let the sun in for just a moment, my skin would be reflecting it. I saw to it not frightening, but beautiful in a dark way. I knew that I would not burn, I would not turn into dust, and I would not become ill. I could see the sun now, but just not in society. Although, I found it unfair that Alexander would go into town during the daytime wearing a cloak over his features outside and I did not understand why I could not do the same.

These questions burned brightly in my head, knowing that it wasn't something proper to ask in my current position. I wasn't a master at this new life just yet, but I felt as if I couldn't ask anything. For, I didn't understand their reasoning for making me stay indoors most of the time except every week or so when I would be able to go into the night and fetch a few animals and come back full and living as ever.

Though, they knew I did not bide by their rules all the time. I naturally was a girl that did not listen to elders... though I could hardly consider my new-found family being elderly for they were only in their early twenties. I'm just not so sure how long exactly they have been in their early twenties. But anyway, I was so curious about going back into London again that I once left the house without them knowing. I found that I was stronger and faster than them currently, because they told me I still have human blood in me which kept me strong and yet very irritable. I didn't care for the reason why, but I had gained a point against them and my natural rebellion. But it was one night, after hunting, that I had decided to leave the property and explore elsewhere for the first time. I'm pretty sure I wasn't going to get lost giving credit to my now extremely acute eyesight and sense of smell. I would be able to find my way back around once finished.

I just had to try.

The first thing I did was follow my nose. The memory I have recently gained from my first life was the smell of smoke from the chimneys of London on a winter day. It had a very homey smell to it, and it was something that felt just right to me. Therefore, I was going to venture out to get a good glimpse of the city without breaking any rules.

Once I reached my ideal spot, it was as if every memory hit me like a bluster of wind. I remember coming up here sometime with... with someone. That was still very blurry as if their face has been completely erased at the current moment. It was simply on a large hill near where the mansion I was resorting at was and it was tall enough I could see most of the city. The moon just rising over top, I could hear the clinking of carriages going through, and I could hear the babble of people's voices just coming into their homes for the night if not out to a ball at one of the mansions. The city was falling asleep, just like I would have been except I have never felt tired in the full month of becoming what I have became... something to the right hand of monster.

I could have left into the city just to see what was so forbidden to me about it. And I would have... but something held me back. My love for my new family I think was it. They were already like the parents I lost, something like a leader to me in this new strange world of mine and the light at which was radiating from them. They meant no harm to me, and I could sense they loved me back. And it felt better than I have ever known and if they were forbidding me to go into the city, well, I'm pretty sure there is a reason.

After about an hour of sitting and watching the city below, I rose from where I was, and turned to go back toward the mansion, saying my goodbye to civilization until whenever I was allowed to go back.

“I was worried of you, Violet! You should have came in so much earlier! What were you doing?” Victoria asked, immediately knocking me over as soon as I stepped through the door, my cape still hung over my shoulders. I smiled, rolling my eyes and looked up to her.

“Nobody died.” I said, shaking my head and pinching my temples. “I'm seriously fine. I just went out for a stroll in the forest and came upon an excellent view of the city. I didn't touch it, mother of mine, I only viewed from afar.” I let a little acid drip into my sarcastic words. Alexander was behind her, smiling with me while she kept the same annoyed grimace.

“I don't deem funny, Alexander.” She slapped his arm.

“I'm not laughing! The girl has whit!” He replied innocently with big eyes. I decided to finally ask them the question that has been bugging me for a while and it came out with my triumph illuminating, finally.

“I don't understand why I cannot go into town, Victoria. What's so wrong?” I asked, still not losing my fire.

“Yes, why not Victoria?” Asked Alexander smugly. After Victoria turned around to slap him again on the arm, she turned to me, bewildered.

“Have you seen yourself truly, Violet?” She asked, which made me grimace.

“Yes.” I answered dubiously.

“Have you seen your eyes? Do you think normal human beings have blood red eyes like you do?” The coldness of her tone made me cringe.

“Yes, I have! It is something I swear I can easily hide!” I began to raise my voice involuntarily.

“But do you understand your thirst, child? Do you see how much pain you have when you don't have the animal blood in you? It's just as worse as it is with human blood. And you are yet to face that and you are weak and inexperienced. That is why we hide you, to keep the secret and you safe!” She explained quickly.

“...Oh.” I seemed to spit out with the little breath I had left, backing up a step or two. “But I can hold my breath!” I added, hopeful of winning this fight.

“People actually notice those sorts of things.” Alexander finally said, no longer smiling, turning to his partner with narrowed eyes, once more the brooding man he was always. “That is why I told you we cannot hide these sorts of things from her. She must know!” He replied harshly back to her, grabbing her shoulder. His lips then moved quickly, and no words were audible even to my ears. He spoke too quickly for someone standing about two yards away to hear.

“What?” I hissed impatiently, looking between them.

“Nothing.” Victoria answered hastily, shooting another stern glance in her mate's direction. “For God's sakes, Alexander...” She sighed, shaking her head. “The burden is too hard to take in all at once. She doesn't need to know everything at once.” And those were the only words I could make out of the entire thing. What more do I need to know? I was with Victoria on that... I didn't want to know anymore just yet. The fact I crave blood, I am actually dead, and I am dangerously beautiful is enough to take in for now. All I need now is time and patience which is what I never seem to have...

Months seemed to pass on like days being stuck here. My feeding has grown enormously, as in that I am taking about six very large animals instead of five smaller ones. Victoria tells me that I am getting rid of my human blood very slowly and she explained that it was somewhat painful. She told me that I'm not actually dead until all of my human blood is gone and replaced with the blood from animals and in other cases, humans. That was only one of the many questions I had for her. I asked her how long I could live, and the most painful answer for her was one simple word. Forever. I never thought much of eternity, now that I think of it. I always thought that dying meant that you would go to heaven if you were a strong Catholic and you would spend eternity with God. But... now that I know I'm not going to die, I started to ponder about how I would never see my promised paradise.

“How do I die?” I had to ask... it made my stomach do strange things when I thought of things I could survive without any sort of wound now.

“Well, it's not easy. The only way is to be disembodied and the remnants be burnt to ash. The ash must be spread in order for it to be a true death.” Alexander had to answer that for Victoria as she only gazed out the window into the moonlit night. That seemed painful... I shuddered. Maybe thinking about death wasn't ideal.

“It's not a comforting answer, is it?” Asked Victoria, seeming slightly annoyed and I think I saw Alexander rolling his eyes as he left the room to his study. I smirked, again winning the battle from remaining unknowing to being knowledgeable.

The rest of the year passed... and already, in my room, there was probably an entire library of books all on newly found bookshelves. Alexander had stolen me a violin from one of the music shoppes that were about to go out of business and it now lowly stood in my room, in all it's wooden splendor. Alexander later taught me how to play it as a father would teach his daughter, for he had one of his own that he actually made just recently and learned how to play it himself. With my new-found mind, I soaked it all in like a sponge just as I had with all of my stolen or bought books. The notes I found were easy and obvious. And the music books piled onto each other from recent composers like money would fall all around an aristocrat or a banker.

I was a newborn vampire laughing in the wealth of my growing knowledge whilst most newborn vampires would laugh in their wealth in blood. But I was different. I didn't want to kill... I soon thought of how much I didn't want to kill any human or animal.

The memories flowed back to me, as soon as Victoria would tell me all the details she knew from just watching me on stage when I was human. She would tell me I absorbed the stage like a greedy little girl would take her chocolate from a shoppe and leave. She laughed about my quirks with the man I fell in love with, and how he thought me whimsy. But never once had she mentioned his name, and never had I remembered. It's like there was a wall in my entire memory of my creator. The one whom I now despise with all the life in me. I didn't care to learn his name, though, for it didn't matter to me. I hate who I hate, and that's over with. But for now, I was happy in what I knew in the world already, and that's all that I cared about. I stole animals as I pleased and rid their bodies somewhere in the forest where nobody ventured to. I'm scared for whomever does... finding a large pile of animal carcasses in the forest randomly. As long as neither Victoria nor Alexander knew, I was good because that was my section of the forest. They wouldn't go there, anyway.

After an entire year, my eyes had changed from a brilliant red to a more mellow gold. I felt less powerful as before, for I was actually completely dead. My skin took on a paler tone, just another shade more white than it was already. And for once, I felt normal.

My first journey to London after my change was possibly the most interesting thing so far. Victoria and Alexander were going down to venture the city that was filled with light one night, and they decided to add me to the picture. I was excited, as it was natural, but frightened nonetheless. I had took the necessary precautions, as Victoria put it, by hunting first before being exposed to human blood so it wasn't as tempting.

But I was scared out my my skin of how I was compared to humans. Would I be an alien to them, or shall I hide myself? My cape which was long over my shoulders, hardly showing any of me at all. Most of the time, my hood was pulled over my head, so my face was shadowed and people wouldn't give a second glance.

It was the first time taking a carriage since my change as well. We never took it about because we preferred to run, but running into the city wasn't a way to not be noticed. Our hired driver who, on occasion, sees far too much of us. Alexander has threatened to kill him repeatedly, for he has already seen me run out into the forest, but Victoria is the one to keep him down. She said we'd kill him once we are through with the driver.

The streets were damp from the newly fallen rain, and the smell of earth, smoke, and something incredibly sweet filled my nostrils. Of course, the “something sweet” being the blood... But I tried to ignore it, thinking more of the other smells that were different.

My head was constantly turned by the wind created by the human men, their seductive necks exposed to me... and my constant craving to bite into them, to feel the warm, fresh life run into me perhaps one-hundred times better than any animal would be. But no. I couldn't... and I wouldn't. Though the utmost lust was always with me, burning the back of my throat like fire, no matter how much I fed before.

“It is so beautiful this time of year,” Victoria sighed into Alexander's ear, kissing his cheek tenderly. I had to look away, though. It felt as if it wasn't my place to remain staring for some reason.

“Yes, it truly is,” replied Alexander, kissing his wife back. I had to clench my arms behind my back as if I was allergic to such affection. It seemed... something, out of all the things, I yearn for that I cannot grasp. As if it was impossible. Something else to add onto my long list of things that cause me pain and lust. It's just falling apart slowly.

Author's Note

blah... people aren't going to pay attention, are they?