Say Goodnight

We stayed up all night
huddled beneath the small bed
convinced he would appear
cloaked in a pissed stained sheet
dragging that gimp leg a step behind

Palms pressed firmly over our mouths
we heard his ragged breath
through the chimes blowing in the breeze
Felt the floorboards creak
beneath the weight of his swollen gut

"He's coming for us, isn't he?"
she whispered to me
"Shhh, he'll hear us and break through the door."
A grunt outside announced his presence
and a soft swish of a belt released

"I'll kill him," I thought
when the door squealed open
His black boots tracked mud
across the old hard wood floor
then stopped at the edge of the bed.

Her terrified squeal exploded between fingers
as his knees and fists hit the floor
Cold grey eyes peered across the short distance
untouched by the sick grin plastered to his teeth
His breath, a toxic wasteland, blew the eyebrows off my face

One large hand tugged hard on my leg
sent me sprawling along the splintered floor
Half second later he reached under again
Spotted the metal lamp atop the desk
Grabbed hold while she kicked and screamed

So drunk he didn't notice the cracks in his skull
til the blood pooled thick underneath his cheek
With the last twitch, our nightmare died
His dick still hard from the thrill of it all
hanging out of his unzipped jeans

Author's Note

This was inspired by a writing prompt I found in my email today.

Reviews

[Tom McRoberts]

I've seen a lot of stuff on this site which tries really hard to be 'edgy', in some vain attempt to seem cool, I guess. This poem is not cool, it is brutal, with edges so sharp I keep blinking to reassure myself I haven't cut my eyeballs reading it.
I think the reason this piece works is that it doesn't feel exploitative. When people incorporate abuse in literature for shock-value there's usually a distance from the topic that is telling. Here everything is zoomed in, the reader is (suitably) oppressed by the graphic detail.
The image you end on is amazing from a technical standpoint. The dark underlying irony of the dick, 'still hard from the thrill', is that I too, was thrilled, as I'm sure, was the protagonist, who got to live out her revenge fantasy. It's truly chilling.
Good job!

[Michelle Coleman]

Tom, this is probably the best review I have received. Thank you so much.

I get what you mean about writing for shock value. A lot of writers do this. At the same time, many people who have suffered severe abuse have a tendency to distance themselves and do not know how to write more intimately about their experience. It can be too painful for some.

You can always tell when someone writes about abuse who has never experienced it before.

Again, thank you.

[Tom McRoberts]

It's my guilt you see: I feel bad when people write great things, because they miss out on reading them! A pat on the back is my moral duty, aha!
Oh, of course, I meant no offence to those for who that is the case. I think you expressed it a little better than me in your reply.

[Michelle Coleman]

You feel bad for those who write great things because they miss out on reading them? Hahaha I don't even I now what you mean by that. 😜

[Moonliteman]

Hello, from a newbie. This is very well written, I like the pace. I especially like the ending; surviving the nightmare, escaping the darkness.

[Michelle Coleman]

Hey, Newbie. 😉 thank you for reading my work. I appreciate your review and letting me know which part meant most to you.

[The Twin Arenas]

heh. not what I was expecting. adolescent wet nightmare.
lots of great ideas. the smell of something making eyebrows go, lots of stuff.

To me, things that are really scary have this element of depression in them - like, uncomfortable bleakness and depression, whether of atmosphere or language. This has that. What was the prompt?

[The Twin Arenas]

Or depression in the sense of a helplessness of the characters, not that these ones were, but there were elements of that. That's scary.

[Michelle Coleman]

When living in an environment like this, one can't help but feel the shackles of depression and helplessness.

The prompt, oddly enough, was to begin a poem or story beginning with "We stayed up all night." That's it. I had a lot of horror filled nights of real and dreamed nightmares. This scene, though fiction, was what came screaming out of me.

Thank you for your review. 😊

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Good (prose) poem. The horror in it is very well written. Well done, Michelle. :) Rudi

[Michelle Coleman]

Thank you, Rudi. 😊

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

My pleasure, Michelle. :)

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

You did a wonderful job of incorporating the fear of a child and the resilient strength of one who has been abused and is determined to take it no more. When the innocent rise up to take back their lives, I can't help but be pleased. I just recently finished reading three novels by Paige Dearth, based upon the abuse that she suffered as a child. It's very much along the lines of your poem but much, much worse. "Say Goodnight" indeed! I might add, "and go straight to hell." Wonderful job!

[Michelle Coleman]

Linda, thank you so much! I, too, feel happy to witness the abused rise above and say "enough!"
read moreLinda, thank you so much! I, too, feel happy to witness the abused rise above and say "enough!"

I am not familiar with Paige Dearth. I will look into her.

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Holy s**t! sorry. This is a good write...a little disturbing. Anyways, your description of every situation is wonderful.

[Michelle Coleman]

Thank you infernal 😄

[Dani The Unreviewed]

You are welcome:)

[613]

Oh my gosh…very disturbing. It feels so real; in a way, it scared me. (Not many people have been able to actually make me feel afraid with their writing. This just felt so unbelievably real). Your writing comes across as honest. I'm officially a fan! Amazing work.

- Brittney

[Michelle Coleman]

Writing this piece stirred the anxiety in me. As disturbing as the content may be, I feel honored to be one of the few to inspire that wretched feeling of fear. I must be doing something right.

Awww 😃 the feeling is definitely mutual. Thank you!

[613]

You're definitely doing something right.

You're very welcome! & aw, thank you!

[Michelle Coleman]

😊 you are welcome.

[613]

I just reread this for the second time. It's even better than the first time I read it. This is really something else. I suggest submitting this for some type of writing contest. This deserves to be shared!

[Michelle Coleman]

I was thinking of submitting to something. I just don't know what yet. Some sort of magazine, maybe, doing an issue on sexual and physical assault awareness.

[613]

I think that'd be a good idea.

[Jamestown]

Well written and expressed, to the point of disturbing.
Not the authors fault of course but male character really needs
his butt kicked, I felt a sense of sex and physical abuse in this
piece, again well written and delivered, thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[Michelle Coleman]

Well, the male character did get his skull cracked. 😄 it is the kind of ending that anyone who either lived or still resides in a violent and shaming environment craves at some point.

I suffered a lot of physical and sexual abuse growing up, so it tends to come out when I write.

I absolutely love your "b-blessed." It always makes me smile.

[JayceeC]

This has a lot of tight emotion and tension that you keep going right to the end. only one spot that I found a bit rough in line transitions:
Half second later he reached under again
Spotted the metal lamp atop the desk
Grabbed hold while she kicked and screamed
It's not until the third that I realized the protagonist grabbed the lamp and not the man. The last pronoun was he in the previous line and so without a change in sentence structure, it'n not immediately apparent who is spotting. Maybe just change structure into Spotting and Grabbing.
Overall great write.
Jan

[Michelle Coleman]

I actually wondered if that would be an issue in transition. I will work with that. thank you.

[RiverRei]

This is an amazing poem. It speaks to all the grotesque things that happen in this world that no one seems to want to talk about. I really hate that these sort of topics are taboo. Yes they are disgusting, yes it's difficult to think about, but that doesn't change the fact that it is still happening in our own backyards, our very own neighborhoods. If you look you will see all the signs. It sickens me that we can't prevent things like this happening. Thank you for sharing this. It was amazing and I can related to it a lot. This will always be a topic I feel strongly about.

[Michelle Coleman]

I love the passion in your response. I feel just as strongly.

With all the awareness and outreach programs, this problem is getting no better. The community is the weakest link. Neighbors, church members, school personnel, law enforcement, pharmaceuticals... The responsibility stretches throughout our communities. And as long as we are a nation where pills are prescribed to deal with very real problems rather than coaching and demonizing, things will only get worse. It makes me pretty angry.

[RiverRei]

It makes me angry, too. I'm not angry about what I've been through, though. I'm over that and have dealt with it. It's about all those girls and boys that are being affected now and will be in the future who won't turn out like me. Most will even continue the cycle of victim to perpetrator, too. If only society would stop pussyfooting around emotional topics like this, we could stop the circle.

Also, I shared this with all of my friends. I feel it is important to make this topic more available to people so they are aware. Hopefully sharing will help get more discussions going.

[Michelle Coleman]

You shared my poem? 😊

I have spent decades working out all the anger, pain, sadness, etc. that goes along with growing up in such an apenvironment. Sometims, out of the blue - or by means of a powerful trigger - I will get thrown into those feelings again. It is a lifetime of healing that comes in stages.

I do not regret the life I have had, for it has made me who and what I am today. Along with all the work I have done to heal and help others. Like you, I want to help those living the nightmare. But I a,so want to reach out to those creating those nightmares because they are products of the same and need just as much help.

[RiverRei]

I'm the same. I'm not really an angry person so I don't have to deal with that, but I do have pain and sadness that I work on almost every day. It's a shame that these things haunt you for the rest of your life, and I don't think our society knows that. I will never regret who I am because I like the person I am today and I know I wouldn't be the same without my experiences. I just think that if society was more aware of how long the effects of such experiences stay with the survivor it might be something that is discussed more. I know that I'm very lucky to have turned out the way that I have, I just want to help others do the same. I'm thrilled we are on the same page with this :)

[Michelle Coleman]

As I just told another writer tha you should definitely check out if you haven to already (I will send you a read request for her if I can), our communities are the weakest link in dealing with this ever growing problem.

There are so many people we can reach out to through our writing. Ultimately, this is why I write.

[RiverRei]

Thank you I'll definitely do that :) I sent you a read request for a couple things I have created that will hopefully shine some light on the issue as well.