The Day She Thought It Would Be Okay.

Smiling used to be hard for her to do. Faking it was, still is, her greatest power. But you believing it made her stronger.

  Now she can't hide, if she does you easily find her. Like children playing hide-and-seek. With the world as the seeker she has no where to hide. Maybe thats a good thing? But to her she can't stand it! She feels trapped again. No secrets are her. Her wall is beginning to weaken more and more each day.

  She feels as is she's caught in a hunter's eye, no matter where she goes he keeps his eyes on her. she waits, like a deer in shock, for him to sound the gun. But he doesn't, he just sits and waits. Not knowing his next move, she is cautious. Mostly afraid. Usually she would test fait and see if she could gamble her life. But now she has seen the other side and what it waits for her, pretty? No its not. Its filled with sorrow and pain. Guilt, hatred, depression of the most.

   She doesn't like it, frankly she fears it now. She is making up for her wrongs and is starting with her rights. But still she waits in the hunters eye. Not sure of whats to happen next...

Author's Note

I wrote this in class one day. (I have a notebook full of this stuff.)

Reviews

[Alice]

This is nice, though if you want it to be read like a poem it might be worth breaking it up into stanzas. Otherwise, you could always develop it into a longer fiction, and submit it as a short story. I think that this would make a good start to a short story, but either way would be good.

[Subjective Sanity]

Fantastic!!!! You are wise beyond your years. I still fake it. That's why I remain anonymous here and yet, I still haven't fully been myself. Sorry if I am spilling too much to you. It's just that your writing really speaks to me. : )

[R.W. Blue]

Ignoring all of the spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors, the end result is a poem that doesn't really work. For one, it doesn't really have the format of a poem, more like a rant or a story. If you plan to keep this as a poem, try working on how the font is situated. A poem does not look like several paragraphs. Second, some of the sentences don't fit at all. The first one, "Smiling used to be hard for her to do" doesn't really fit with the theme of fear and despair. Fear and despair don't make it easier to smile. Also, the sentence "She is making up for her wrongs and is starting with her rights" does not fit in an understandable way. If you want to keep it, you need to explain why her wrongs have led her to this situation, and why she plans to change it. All in all, it needs some work, but the base line is pretty solid.