Fate of the Outcast

Dark. Very dark.

Walking alone among the living

Who I am I cannot say

What is the worth of my forgiving

If my inside's price to pay?

Does my search bear any fruit

Or it fills the empty space?

I no longer fit this suit

Throwing it away now I must face.

I deserve no better fortune

Than to leave the world like this

So let me turn back to the ocean

And enjoy eternal bliss!

Who am I to judge these souls

When my sin keeps burning slow?

All those bursts of lost controls

Power up its spectral glow.

Home is nowhere to be found

Since disdain there spread its roots

Hollow shrieks of my heart's sound

Leave me nothing but disputes.

I deserve no better fortune

Than to leave the world like this

So let me turn back to the ocean

And enjoy eternal bliss!

Why do lies tend to the truth...?

Why does greed fuel up the lust...?

How can morale find the youth

If our own is turned to dust...?

Author's Note

This poem is inspired by Hollywood Undead's song S.C.A.V.A.. While the person in this poem somewhat resembles me, he/she ISN'T me. So no, I do not plan to kill myself or something retarded like that.
Anyways, enjoy it (?) and tell me all the thoughts that come into your mind!

Reviews

[PaperLife]

I love this. The inner turmoil so spread in how the days move into the turmoil that spreads as a disease. You exemplify the emotions so truly. But beautifully. Capturing the dark poetry in the moment. The pain and the sadness play together. Sliding softly into that ever so solemn bliss. Deep... horrifying. True. As the last plague falls into the hands of life. Cradled ever so softly but not held tightly enough. As your words play the last fault and the depth covers the insincerity in the voices around the poem. Like a hate stamp pressed into the palms of everything known. True and realistic. Your words pull everything that is defining in giving away life that you know it's true. Beautiful play on words. The darkness and depth is perfect. Well done. AMAZING.

[Tomislav Petricevic]

THANK YOU! :D
One of the best reviews I got, it is appreciated beyond mortal words! :D

[Beautiful_Nightmere]

"So let me turn back to the ocean
And enjoy eternal bliss!"
These are my favorite lines(: You did a good job on this poem! I like it!(:

[Simmirose]

This portraits everything that i feel. Like you don't belong with the rest of the people here. Even though this isn't a suicide poem i agree Tai. Suicide is not something to joke a bout. Any way this poem was deep and I loved it, thank you for it.

[Katie Flores]

I love the last couple of stanzas, they flowed very well and just kept me very wrapped up in the picture you were painting, but the beginning seemed kinda forced, like you just had those rhyming words at the end to keep it moving. But over all, a REALLY GREAT poem.

[Ina Waltz]

As silly it might sound...it reminds me of high school and all the angst that was lingering around back then.
It doesn't have that "I'll kill myself" feeling attached to it, more like "I'm an alien and I should return to my home planet" kind of feeling. haha I think some of us feel like this most of the time, like we belong someplace else. In a strange way I see this poem as a personal reflection of my younger mind, even though it's your poem.
I liked it! Keep up the good work. :)

[Tomislav Petricevic]

Thank you! Yeah, I totally had that "I'm an alien" feeling in mind when I was writing it. :)

[Trixolomanea]

I absolutely adored this work of art (which it is!) It's beautifully written and it has a certain flow, a certain element about it that I really like. It's deep, thoughtful and it makes me think, which is good 'cause I like stuff that makes me think. :)

I especially liked:
"I deserve no better fortune
Than to leave the world like this
So let me turn back to the ocean
And enjoy eternal bliss!"
That really captured the emotion for me, it shows that however the MC is sad and likely to do something extremely stupid, he/she is actually okay with it and knows that he/she will be in a better place if he/she continues.

Thank you for sharing, I really enjoyed reading this! :)

[Tomislav Petricevic]

Thank you! :D

[Trixolomanea]

You're very welcome :)

[Erika Jones]

Great poem! I have yet to write one inspired by Hollywood Undead that sounds as great as this one! I have a hard time writing one that doesn't sounds ... well you know half of their songs I bet ... LOL! I keep going back to the songs I know all too well (AKA: Everywhere I go). I find it sad on my part. But I'm still working on one based off the song Black Dahlia, one of the greatest songs they wrote next to City :)

[Tomislav Petricevic]

Thanks! :D
And I agree, City is the best! I thought about writing a City-inspired poem, but I decided not to rush it.
Be sure to send me a read request when you finish the poem! :)

[Erika Jones]

Will dooo my good sir :)

[afra]

amazing ....keep writing

[Tai Ryens]

I'm kind of with Devon on the author's note. I do not mean to be rude, but it made me hurt as well. Being a victim of suicide is no laughing matter, and shouldn't be described as 'retarded.'

Anyhoo, I enjoyed every word of this poem. From beginning to end, the ending really got me though; as did the repeating stanza. You've really grasped my attention from start to finish, well done. I specifically enjoyed the stanza regarding judging of souls.

[devon]

I really liked this, but your Author's Note kind of hit me. Don't take this as me being mad or rude or anything else, but "I do not plan to kill myself or something retarded like that." kind of made me hurt.

I've never actually tried to kill myself, but that doesn't mean that it hasn't been on my mind before. God knows it's been on my mind almost everyday for a year now. And I don't think it's retarded. It's just part of my depression. In a way, part of who I am. My suicidal thoughts aren't linked to bullying all that much. I mean, partially, yes, but most of it is just because of my depression.

But what's retarded is hurting someone so much that they feel the need to harm themselves or leave this world.

Sorry, just venting, love.