Faraway Lights

If you wish hard enough

you will see them too

they can make you think

of missed possibilities

 

Maybe I can be a god

of another world

because staring at these lights

makes the sky brighter

 

Would you dare to join me

if I took you by the hand

and led you to a place

where they would never flicker

 

We could go at once

leave the life of troubles

spend the rest of days

right beside each other

 

But I can't seem to let go

of far too distant lights

so perhaps you can join in

and dream them closer by

Author's Note

Inspired by my favorite anime, Death Note. :)

Reviews

[Patricia Williams]

Beautiful work. I've missed your writing.

I loved the theme of it (e.g. stars, cosmos, heavens), there's just a few things I would like to point out:

Your last line has a dangling preposition. In some cases it is ok to end a sentence with a preposition (i.e. “What did you step on?”). But never when it can be omitted, as in your poem :).

Speaking of sentences - you don't have any punctuation. This is just one big run-on sentence. You might have done it on purpose (being artsy and all that), but it does make it slightly confusing to the reader. :)

None of these are really big deals, all in all this poem was well written; you just might want to consider changing those few things.

I can't wait to read more!
Keep writing. :)
~Patricia

[Tomislav Petricevic]

Thank you! :D
To be honest, I didn't have that cosmic theme in mind when I was writing this, I was actually thinking about street lights and lights from people's homes that start turning on during the sunset. But it's awesome to see how different people get their own personal experience from the same poem, that's why I love literature. :D
Regarding the preposition, yes, you're right, I can see that I've made a mistake, but I think I'll leave it just as it is, changing my own poems always makes me feel weird, like I'm doing something I shouldn't. xD
Regarding the punctuation, I did it on purpose, it's a new "style" of writing that I'm trying out. Sometimes I get confused by it too, but I think that's how it's meant to be. xD
Thank you once again. :)

[Patricia Williams]

Wow, so I reread it with city lights in mind. I almost like it more. Again, good job!
Ok, like I said, no big deal. :D
You're welcome.

[Wuji]

This poem is so strange, effective had luminous that I had to read it many times. I am quite biased by it's cosmic theme, though I found it appealed to the futurist in me and the star lover. To personalize the cosmos as a theme for a poem is brilliant, and you did this truly very well here Tomi. It's as intimate as the dream of heaven...outstanding!

[Tomislav Petricevic]

Thank you very much! :D

[justjenn_2u]

Nice. Though I am Lord of Rings fanatic, this is in context to how I feel about my characters I feel. They are tough and magical just as your piece.

[Tomislav Petricevic]

Thanks! And I'm a HUGE LotR fan.

[justjenn_2u]

Love it, I have a level 60 tank and level 60 hunter right now.

[Tomislav Petricevic]

Oh, nice. Well, I haven't play the game because I get bored of MMOs pretty fast, but I love LotR in general.

[justjenn_2u]

I'm waiting on Elder Scrolls.