Creationist's Perfection

An abomination of perversion;

Like birds to nest,

Tempted I find myself

To succumb to this starlit gaze.

The distance shortens continuously;

Anticipation is misery,

But promise of what awaits

Might disenchant my malady.

You have stirred the cells in me

And they left a trace of regret:

Forever I have questioned divinities,

Yet there may be no other explanation

For the bestowment of this beauty.

Pitiful I am, sincerely;

You embrace it humbly,

For this world we created

Is where you desire to remain.

Dishonesty aches me now;

It is by me you've been deceived,

As our eden would fall apart

By a mere stroke of hand

The truth that I have withheld

Is a truth I concealed from myself:

You exist inside my deluded mind,

And only there shall you ever live,

For abomination am I.

Reviews

[Glen Yumang Manese]

I liked the whole body of this... but what stands out is the beginning and end line that finish this verses:

An abomination of perversion;
For abomination am I.

Just those two lines can give a lot to the reader... do not get me wrong... the embodiment of the write fits... just those two lines stuck with me...

[Tomislav Petricevic]

Yeah, I wanted those two to be something like "punchlines" for the poem.
Thanks! :)

[Glen Yumang Manese]

I guess that in the lines... I would put them in bold print and give them impact... really give the piece an extra kick... not that it needs that... in my personal opinion... good to read you... I'll be back... that's not a threat... Good day!!!

[Tomislav Petricevic]

Nah, I never mess with the font of my poems. Putting it in bold would somehow tell the reader where he needs to feel that "kick", and I don't want to do that, you know, let them discover it on their own. :D
Good day to you too!

[Invisible]

good job old tom my friend (what's with the 25 character limit these days?)

[Tomislav Petricevic]

Thank you! :D
What limit? xD Don't tell me the admins messed something up again. -.-

[Invisible]

I can only leave reviews or review comments when there's 25 characters or more

[Tomislav Petricevic]

Maybe they did that to encourage people to give more constructive reviews? But I don't see why review comments need to have more than 25 characters. lol

[Invisible]

I don't either, but I don't understand a lot of things websites do these days, especially writerscafe, but i'm not there for their meetings for whatever, so I guess i'll never know xd