Glass Prison

A slightly psychological short story loosely based on the song "Castle of Glass" by Linkin Park.

            I opened my eyes and realized it was the same as if hadn't opened them. Darkness. A trace of panic slowly started entering my heart as I was facing my inability to see anything. Every day I had to wake up in the same coldness and keep sitting there for countless hours until the sleep finally took over again. My best friend were my thoughts, and they proved to be an uninteresting companion after a while. I was trapped in time, frozen in space. That fact considered, what was there even to think about? When you resolve every possible matter there is with yourself, do thoughts even flow into your mind, or they just take a turn and fuse themselves with someone more worthy of them?

            Questions. So many questions. Do those questions I keep asking myself finally mean I have something to occupy my mind? Or perhaps they just serve as my empty body's petty excuse for existence? The second option seemed more likely than the first one. The panic in my heart calmed down. This process kept repeating itself every day...but days lost their meaning a long time ago. Actually, there weren't any “yesterdays” or “tomorrows” in my flow of existence �" the time just was. But I liked to pretend otherwise- for me, that was some sort of an entertainment that manifested itself through denial of known facts.

            Insanity, you could have called it. Poison was my term. Dirty, vile venom that kept injecting itself into my skin, traveling through my veins with a sweet pace and slowly eating me from the inside. My body was gravely tainted by it, and that dark mind I still cherished sometimes felt the seed of doubt, seed of depression. Those were the times I tried hard to remind myself that I wouldn't give up so easily. Even if no one could see me trapped in the darkness, that still didn't mean the fight wasn't worth it...though even I did not see the reward at the end of it, if the ending was to eventually come.

            I looked up to the crack. It seemed to have been positioned way up above me, but I knew I could have reached it if I wanted to...it's just that I was afraid of what I would find. The light relentlessly beckoned with its shining golden glow, and that was exactly the thing that scared me. As much as I hated to admit it, I got used to the usual darkness around me, with that light staying behind like a faraway dream. But sometimes it seemed so inviting. Like it was telling me: “You just have to give me your hand, and everything will be okay. No strings attached. No more fear. No more pain. Just happiness.”

            That had kept my thoughts going on for a while, until I finished exploring every possibility that light could have represented. And the conclusion wasn't a resolving one- I proclaimed my mind a traitor for playing such dishonest tricks of keeping me occupied and decided I won't keep listening to it. One could have asked what would I listen to, then. When a person's mind shuts down, body keeps getting weary of the struggle and soul longs for a change, what is left but the heart? Mine bore a giant rock on top of it, but perhaps my trust would prove to be inspiring for it to lift the burden?

            I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. The time had come for me to break the monotony of that worthless oxygen- wasting thing called existence. My heart kept pounding as cold sweat started gathering its filthy substances upon my tortured body. The darkness around me was getting colder and colder. I started shivering and shaking as the pressure on my brain kept getting unbearable. I felt like my head was going to explode and paint the colorless space red. But I knew I didn't want to give up and go back to that everlasting misery. So I lifted up my hand.

            Suddenly, I started uncontrollably moving towards the light as it basked me with its warmth. I was blinded by its fierce glow, but I could see silhouettes of my hands slowly taking shape. The shadow lifted itself from my arms and the skin I saw was a pleasant surprise. Then the light proceeded across my shoulders, neck and onto my face once again, this time purifying the whole head instead of just blinding me. After that, it rushed down across my chest and wrapped me up in its bliss with a firm but tender grip. I felt like some wings were growing from my back, but I knew that was just light pushing me further. It finally separated itself into two tracks and swiftly ran through my legs, giving me inhuman speed in order to reach the crack. The only thing that was still tainted was that very same heart I decided to follow. That was up to me to repair.

            I found myself right in front of the crack. It was shining so hard that I started struggling with keeping my eyesight undamaged long enough to exit, let alone actually trying to see what was on the other side. My right hand was shaking its way towards the crack as the left hand partially covered my eyes. I was sweating even more than before. Fear completely overtook me with its greedy grasp. But I still continued on. I had to.

            Strange liquid- like substance slid across my fingers when they touched the light. I felt like I was spinning around through the darkness, like gravity suddenly ceased to exist. Like I was defying pure physics. Is this the point where all those questions fall apart? I had been tired from them for a long time. But what if this proves to be just the beginning of true questions, questions yet unasked and unanswered? I knew my mind wouldn't have been able to continue existing like that.

            The beckoning light threw me out on the cold floor that was fully transparent. I was on my knees while my eyes wondered where I was. I could easily see the dirty soil beneath the floor, along with a small bush of grass every now and then. What kind of a place is this? Who would build a transparent building like this one? For what purpose? I heavily lifted myself up on my feet and looked around. That was not just a building. And it wasn't just transparent. It was a castle. And it was made of glass.

            It stretched its giant walls as far as I could see, with numerous rooms that seemed to have been empty. If I looked hard enough, I could have seen fragments of my reflection bouncing off the freezing walls. There was something wrong about the whole thing. Something wretched. The atmosphere was more frigid than it had been inside my darkness. I felt the light had betrayed me, fooling me into believing that it would take me somewhere better, somewhere safe. But I had no choice than to continue following my heart. Maybe the whole situation will turn out to be quite pleasant. Maybe...

            I turned around to see where I had come from. But there was just a blank wall staring at me pointlessly, mocking my misery in the process. Hatred started gathering inside me. I had nowhere to go but to keep wandering around until my body turned to dust. I approached the wall and put my hand on its smooth surface. And that was the weird part- what seemed to have been smooth surface was actually a rough layer of cracks that spread all across the castle. That's where I came from. A crack in a castle made of glass. And if my crack contained so much darkness, is it possible that the other cracks hold more fragile souls trapped inside their own poison?

            I decided to take a walk and look around. I wanted to find an exit from the dreadful castle, but accidentally meeting someone who was lost like me seemed as an option good enough. As I took my first steps through the castle, I wrapped my arms around myself in hope of warming my body. The temperature was even more frigid than before, and I wasn't sure how long was I going to last like that. I must answer at least some of the questions. Countless cracks showed their dark abysses as I was passing by, vanishing into oblivion after the hopes of drawing me in sunk. Not again, I kept repeating, not again.

            My journey bore no fruit, it seemed, as my hope started dwindling. I just didn't get it. Why wasn't I allowed to leave? And why did every single room look the same? They were all like large halls everyone saw at those medieval movies, but the difference was that you could see through them. They were all separated by big gate- shaped openings that served as huge doors. The openings seemed to have been cut very precisely, but I didn't dare to touch them because the edges looked extremely sharp. The last thing I needed in a place like that was bleeding.

            Already sick of walking around like a miserable fool I was, I raised my head up and looked at the glass roof. That roof was the only detail which made that pile of cold glass actually a castle. Some of the rooms above me were smaller, so the roof was shaped in various pointy circles that made those rooms look like glass towers. Even small, circular windows could have been seen scattered across the towers, and I imagined what it would have been like to breathe fresh air after so long. The rooms I had been traveling through were filled with nothing but cold and somehow heavy air. I noticed something else- starry night sky was looking over the whole forsaken place, mocking me with its beauty. It looked so free...so liberating.

            My daydreaming was suddenly interrupted by some strange presence I could not see, but only feel. It startled me quite a lot, still not a word escaped my lips. I just stood there, motionless. It soon started materializing itself into some kind of a shadow. Nothing too special about it, just like a regular shadow you could see on the midday sun. Yet, there was something different about it. It wasn't my shadow. It looked smaller and thinner. It looked...female. And it just stood there, waiting for my reaction.

            “Who are you?” I managed to push out.

            “Your only companion”, it responded with a female voice that echoed through my brain.

            “What do you want of me?”

            “To help you out. To answer your questions. You do have questions, don't you?” I felt like it was playing with me. And slowly winning.

            “Where am I?” I asked with hope of solving that mistery.

            “You are nowhere but within your own creation.”

            Great. Another mysterious answer. “Fine. How do I get out?”

            “Straight to the point. Very well...but the question is, do you truly want to get out? Do you truly want my help?”

            “It's not like this place has anything else to offer besides insanity and madness.”

            “That is not the answer to my question.” She had to keep annoying me. I shall play your little game, whoever you are.

            “Yes, please, help me get out.”

            She chuckled at my words and approached me with just a few gracious steps. Taking my hand in hers, she seductively said: “Then let us go...”

            The very same second our hands connected, everything around us started twisting around, and it seemed like I had passed out for a brief moment. The world went black and silent, and then reappeared, only to make me realize we were no longer inside the castle. My ears were somehow startled at the sound of something so familiar, even though my mind took some time to process it. It was water- more accurately, a river. The smell of fresh air made my lungs feel alive again, and the scent of cold water was simply too good to be true. Even though water has no actual scent, this one smells like a piece of freedom.

            The shadow woman was sitting next to me. I noticed that she had partially materialized- she was still covered in darkness, but now it seemed like she truly had a body, instead of just being a shadow on the floor and glass. Even though I had no idea who she was, I was starting to get fond of her. After all, she proved to a valuable ally in that world of darkness, and that was greatly appreciated. And there is something so familiar about her... I looked around and noticed that we were actually on a river bend, and the water endlessly flew into the distance, just like the castle stretched its frigid walls.

            “First, we must cleanse your body and restore your desire to fight”, her words echoed in my head. They were like the best lullaby in the world, one that would calm down even the fiercest of children. I just nodded and waited for her to start the cleansing. She carefully gathered some of the water from the river in her palms and brought it to my face. I could feel the warmth of her shadowy body, and it felt so good. So right. I closed my eyes and let the water spread itself across my face and onto my body. I felt the burden slowly lift from my skin as the poison was getting destroyed. I felt like my spirit regained consciousness once again. My soul has been awoken once again.

            Even though I couldn't see much of her face, I could sense that she was smiling. I was grateful I finally had someone to guide me through the lingering darkness that kept clouding the light. I could barely restrain myself from jumping into the river in order to feel the joy of purification just a moment longer. That's how good it was. I started smiling too, as she moved on to the next part of our journey. She stood up and raised her arms towards the sky. I had no idea what she was doing, but I knew I wanted to feel even better, if it was possible.

            Suddenly, giant silver wings appeared, floating in the air. They looked like they were torn from a massive bird, yet the silver shine gave them a metallic appearance. My eyes scanned the surrounding area, searching for a possible bearer of those wings. Maybe he's hidden behind them, having a shadowy body just like the woman. But the wings kept on flying unsupported, just glued together. Every stroke they made rose up the dust on the ground, eventually creating a small cloud of dirt beneath my feet. While I was busy looking around and dwelling deep inside my thoughts, the woman moved her hands and mumbled something, and I found myself sitting on the wings the next moment.

            “Whoa! What are you doing?” I shouted, while trying to grasp the feathers that covered the wings. I noticed that the wings felt like any other wings would, despite their odd look. My hands were getting warm as I was keeping my balance not to fall, and that was a pleasant feeling, considering the fact that the air was rather chilly. The wind carried my hair violently, threatening to rip it from my head while I was concentrating on hearing the woman's response. But no response came out of her dark lips, just a small smile before she raised her right hand and the wings took off into the sky.

            The world rushed beside me as my eyes were struggling with the wind. The wings kept accelerating as I prayed for my life. Please, please, just stop! I shivered with fear, as I knew the fall would have been fatal. I was surrounded by nothing but barren land and that giant river. Its watery depths reflected a sinister vibe, like they were ready to pull down anyone who gathered enough guts to approach them. I want to LIVE! I admit...perhaps I've been a fool, hiding in that castle for so long, instead of searching for a way out. I just don't want to die!

            It was like the wings heard my thoughts and wanted to do the opposite. They changed the direction of flying and started soaring into the river. I tried violently pulling them in order to stop, but it didn't work. Turning my head towards the woman, I noticed that she was still smiling and looking at me. I felt slightly ashamed for being that much afraid of flying. So, is this one of your games too, woman? Fine, I'll play along. Even though my heart was pounding with a desire to pierce my chest, I decided not to show her my fear anymore. I closed my eyes and stretched my arms. It looked like I was enjoying the ride. This won't be the end of me. If you trick me and I die because of it, I will return to this world to haunt you forever. But my mind shall be free now. Begone, foul plague! I forgive myself for the darkness in my past. My heart will join the mind into a perfect union, from this moment to all the following moments, no matter how small in numbers they might prove to be. I took a deep breath. I AM FREE. The wings collided with the river.

            Instead of feeling the cold water overtaking my body, all I felt was sudden warmth. I immediately opened my eyes and found myself standing in a brightly lit room. Birds could be heard indistinctly singing in the distance. A brown couch was placed alongside the wall in front of me. The peacefulness of the whole place reminded me of the typical spring days, when you have nothing to do, so you just relax and enjoy the quiet atmosphere. Perhaps I should have been surprised to find myself there and not in the water, but I already got used to it. It's one of her tricks again. I tried to walk around the room, but realized my legs weren't moving. What am I supposed to do here? I sighed and squeezed my eyes with my right hand. At least I was able to do that.

            Opening them again left me startled- four silhouettes were sitting on the brown couch, paying no attention to me. One of them looked female, very similar to the woman from the castle, and the one next to her...it looked just like me. I don't know how, but I just felt that it was me, regardless of the fact that it was just a silhouette. Like some form of spiritual energy linked my soul to the silhouette's, but mine was still tainted, and its looked cheerful.

            The group of silhouettes were having fun, talking to each other in a silent language only they understood. Exaggerated actions gave the impression of various jokes being told, and even my own silhouette joined the laughter. It was like a different world, but my mind slowly started remembering those scenes, though they were still quite blurry. So, even I knew how to have fun, what seems to be ages ago...what happened to me in the meantime? Is that person still buried deep inside, or is it fully reduced to an empty husk, doomed to stay behind as a memoir of the withered times? Can the husk be recovered by the winds of remembrance, infused with the will to reconnect the heart with the mind? The future holds the key, yet the present craves for revelation's fastening. Patience proves itself as a selfish ally, but an ally nonetheless, one among the few. The future holds the key...one can only hope.

            The scene disappeared right in front of my eyes, and once again, I was left to wonder what was going to happen next. I was already tired of everything. Leaving that crack may have not been a smart idea. Though she helped me overcome some of the darkness inside, the cost for it was great- new questions, just waiting to be answered, waiting to pressure my exhausted mind. But I decided to put those thoughts aside and focus at the task at hand. After a brief moment, I appeared at the river bend again. She was still there, as if nothing had happened. The castle's hollow walls still granted that cold feeling from afar. Sitting down beside her, I picked up a small rock from the ground and started playing with it.

            “Have you witnessed the truth?” She asked me.

            “Yes.”

            “Have you comprehended its meaning?”

            “...I suppose”, I silently answered. A small chuckle escaped her lips.

            “Well I suppose I'll have to explain the whole thing to you.” She started walking around. “You see, the scene I showed you was a past your tainted mind tried to hide from you. It was from before you let the poison get under your skin. You've seen it yourself- you had people who cared about you, and you were happy because of that. But then you started building the castle, and everything went down from there. We tried to pull you out of it, help you become happy, help you regain your old self...but the more we tried, the faster you built the castle.” She stopped in front of me. “I'm sorry, perhaps my explanation seems a bit blunt, but you do understand what I'm trying to say, don't you?”

            “Yes...I believe I do. There's nothing more I'd like than to become my old self again...but please, does the road have to be so exhausting...? My mind grows tired of this...”

            She put her hand on my left shoulder. “Don't worry.” She smiled at me. “We only have one more thing to do; the most important one, though. We must destroy the castle of glass.”

            Fear suddenly crept up on me. The castle was the only thing I had known for a very long time; the thought of it vanishing made my heart feel uneasy. Sure, the burden could have been lifted by destroying it...the burden of truth, truth which I wanted to leave behind. Who wants the truth in which they've been hiding like a coward? She helped me realize...I was inside that vile prison only because I trapped myself. I planted the seed of solitude, I reaped it's bitter fruit.

            “Yes”, I slowly spoke, “perhaps it is the time for me to take back the control of my life.” I placed my left hand on her right shoulder. “...Let us finish this.”

            In the blink of an eye, she did her magic again, and we were transported back to the beginning of everything, back to the place where she found me- the castle itself. The castle stood as it was before, still cold and dark...but there was something different about it. Something mysterious, yet different. As if it knew I had changed. As if it knew my perspective for its transparent walls had changed. As if it...knew what we were about to do. I thought I heard some kind of a mournful echo bouncing off the walls, like the castle was crying for me. Sorry, old friend, you've been a depressing host, and I have been a broken guest. Those two were never meant to fit each other.

            “Are you ready for this?” She asked me. I nodded in response. “Good. This will be very simple, trust me. I will now give you the power you need to break yourself free of these invisible chains of captivity. But remember- you must clear your mind before you destroy the castle. Only by exterminating every dark feeling from your heart will you be able to truly cleanse your spirit too. Do you understand what is required of you?”

            I thought about those silhouettes that were laughing around on that couch. I want to be that person once again. I want to become whole. “Yes. Though I believe it may take me some time to fully concentrate.”

            She chuckled again. “That's perfectly fine”, she soothingly said, “you've been here for what seems like an eternity. Waiting a few moments more for the deserved freedom seems like a small price to pay.” She slowly approached me. “Here, let me give you the power, so that you are able to give your full attention to the preparations.” She raised her hands. “Please, raise your right hand. The ability to unleash this power comes from your hand, which is fueled by the thoughts your mind projects; that's why you must focus on destroying this castle.” I raised my right hand towards her.

            Her palms created a small sphere of light which descended onto my hand. The light felt slightly warm on touch. I thought my job was to carry it around and somehow throw it onto the castle, but I noticed my hand started absorbing the whole thing, which ultimately led towards its disappearance. The power rushed through my body, and suddenly it all made sense. It became perfectly clear how I would use it to break myself free.

            “Do you understand now?” She asked me.

            “Yes...it all makes sense.”

            I started thinking about the crack again. My crack. How could I have been so stupid? To deny myself the right to breathe freely; the right every human should possess. Oh, I thank every deity there is for leading this woman to me. Were it not for her, I would have been lost forever, doomed to roam the realm of my own madness. Even though I still can't quite recall who she is, there is something so familiar about her...but she is here, that's all that matters for now. I sighed. Were it not for her, my consciousness would have been eternally lost...and why? Because I...I... My eyes instantly spread wide due to the shock of that realization. I couldn't believe myself. Throughout all that time, including the time spent with her in the castle, I haven't asked myself that one, simple question. Why? Why had I even started building the castle. Why had I decided to exile myself from my regular life. Was it really my choice, or did someone force me? That was the biggest mystery, and also perhaps the only mystery my eyes avoided for so long. The sweet irony.

            “I have just one question”, I seriously said. She nodded. I tried to look for the right words, but my lips formed just one. “Why?”

            “W- what do you mean 'why'?” She was confused. That meant only one thing- for the first time, I caught her off guard. Tell me, how does it feel to get intimidated? Wait, I already know that, I know it too well!

            “What I mean? I meant it just the way I said it. Such a simple question: why? Why did I build this castle if I was so happy?” I exaggerated those last words quite nicely.

            “W- well, y- you know...”

            “Oh, spare me!” I shouted. “Do you think I'm that naive? Perhaps I really was, since I let myself get manipulated so easily. But now... the closer I get to the truth, the more details I start remembering! I know what all of you were doing to me. I remember the mocking, the humiliation, the psychological abusing. 'Why do you have to be different from us?' 'Can't you just blend in?' 'Can't you just be normal?' I did not choose to build this castle- you forced me to!” She just kept standing there, speechless. I knew I hit the right spot. “And when I've finally secluded myself within my own misery, you realized it wasn't good enough. You just had to enter the only familiar place that I still had, and you felt the need to destroy it too, so that I would turn into a perfect empty husk for you to fill in with anything you wanted. Mindless means fully obedient, right?”

            “No! You got it all wrong! We just wanted to help you get better, and you surely needed some help...” The serpent tongue still kept spitting poison, even though I cut it off.

            “Why... why do you still keep talking?” I quietly asked. My words could have been barely heard, but I was sure she understood them perfectly. I just kept staring at the ground, not wanting to lay my eyes upon that foul body. But the anger found me despite that.

            “WHY DO YOU STILL KEEP TALKING, HUH?” I grabbed her face. I wasn't sure if the darkness would pass onto my body again, but honestly, I didn't even care anymore. “SHUT UP!” I started yelling. “SHUT UP! SHUT UP!” My voice turned into a series of low- pitched growls. “SHUT UP WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!” I pushed her away, quickly turned around, and jumped into a crack on the glass wall. But not just any crack. My crack. I recognized it the moment we came back to the castle. Who knows, maybe that very same crack helped me see the truth after all?

            While I was falling down through the crack, I felt something violently pulling my leg. Not something. Someone. I figured she wouldn't back away- not after putting so much effort into destroying me. "Leave!" I shouted.

            "No!" She responded. "I will not give up now! You will destroy this castle. Whether you like it or not. I'm already sick of you not listening to me! Do you know what a disgrace you actually are? Always so different. I wish you could act normal for once, act like everybody else on this planet!" It was like she turned into a different person...but no, I knew it was the first time in the castle she revealed who she actually was. And a certain feeling of peace suddenly overtook me; like I had no worries at all. The truth had finally been revealed to me, and it was like a liberation for my mind, heart, and soul. We stopped falling down and started floating in the air instead.

            "What is this?" She asked in panic.

            "This is..." I smiled to her. "...freedom."

            "Freedom? What do you-"

            "Listen", I interrupted her. It all finally made sense. "You try to take the best of me." I was no longer afraid of being 'trapped' inside the castle. "You always have tried." It wasn't a trap to begin with. "But the time is up! Go away!" I quickly raised my hand towards her while shock slowly overtook her. A bright sphere of light appeared at the tips of my fingers- the very same light she gave me to destroy the castle. With a last smile, I released the sphere, and it collided with her tainted heart. Just like that, in a heartbeat, she vanished into thin air.

            "Even if this castle remains full of despair and misery", I started talking out loud, "and even if it repels others from trying to knock on my door, I do not want to change it. I will never change." I descended down onto the cold floor and noticed it wasn't so cold anymore. I closed my eyes. "Who knows? Maybe there is a light which will eventually dare to set its foot withing these glass walls without finding the darkness so intimidating."

Author's Note

I must admit, I've been writing this thing over a course of about two months or so, so if you see any irregularities, make sure to report them in your review. (And I'm already aware of the fact that this site pushes some paragraphs further off the edge than the others, for some unknown reason) I would recommend you listen to the song, but you don't have to if you don't want to. Honestly, I don't even think anyone will bother to read through this. But if you do, you have my gratitude.

Reviews

[frivolous treasures]

I have to agree with forevermore1218... this was certainly intriguing and you had me hooked throughout the entire read. I love the way you string your words together, and the duality of the character. There are some things that could be fixed (i.e. grammatical errors, some weird wording here and there, etc.) But overall, this was fantastic. Maika'i no :)

[R.A. Youngblood]

Sram te bilo istoga neistoga(kako bi profa iz matematike Natasa rekla), pa kako mozes 2 mjeseca pisati tako losu pricu, ma uzasss!! xD *kidding ofc*....Anyways, ostavit cu posten review kad rijesim se rijesim onih ostalih.

[Tomislav Petricevic]

Haha, ok! XD

[forevermore1218]

this was very intriguing. I like all of it but particularly the last two lines of your second to last paragraph. They really caught my eye and I think they really fit into this story. Very nice job. The only thing that caught my eye was in your last paragraph, you should format it a little better, specifically your first sentence. I think you should put "I started talking out loud," before your speech. It just helps the flow of the quotation a little better. But you did a really nice job and I think you gave a lot of effort with this one. I am very happy I read through it and you have my deepest appreciation for this magnificent write.

Very well done mate :)

[Tomislav Petricevic]

Thank you very much! :D I'll be sure to edit/tweak it a bit when I catch the time. :)