3. More One On One Time With Liz

It took a few hours for the facts to sink in. Jared stayed with her for the first few hours, which was good because her own apartment might have burned down if a fireman hadn’t been there to put out the duck and save the kitchen. Jared didn’t say a word, but had all the details if she wanted them. She didn’t even ask that day, instead calling her family and Hayden’s family as well. Turns out another member of the house went to visit his parents to deliver the news in person. They were devastated by the news that Hayden’s luck had finally run out. He got trapped in a building that had non-functioning sprinklers and was storing combustible materials that were not approved by the city or safety inspectors. The result was an enormous fire that was impossible to contain and explosions that took the firemen by surprise and injured over a dozen of them but killed five. It took over seven hours to contain the blaze, but it was still burning even as Jared left to break the news to Lizzy. All six firemen who died in the fire were declared on arrival when they came in to be treated. There were a lot of sad men at the hospital, but Jared knew Lizzy had to be told so he volunteered to break the news. Hayden was his best bud, and had he died instead he knew that Hayden wouldn’t hesitate to do the same for him. Jared stayed as long as he was needed, waiting for someone from her family to show up and be there for her.

This is when smoke started coming from the kitchen. She had been so consumed by the news of Hayden’s death, she had forgotten about the dinner that was not burning in the kitchen. Jared grabbed a fire extinguisher and put the flame in the oven out and pulled out a burned bird that had been the source of the small blaze. 

Lizzy started to cry on the couch just after Jared had put out the small fire. “Is everything okay?” she asked.

“I got it, nothing to worry about.” Jared said as he put the fire extinguisher on the kitchen counter. “Is that a duck?” He looked over at Lizzy to see her nod her response. “Aw damn. That’s a waste of a perfectly good bird.”

“It was my way of apologizing.” Lizzy said without thinking and then suddenly it all came back to her. The fight, the broken dishes, the screaming and insults exchanged that morning. Those ugly words were the last thing Hayden had ever heard from her. She started to once again sob uncontrollably, putting her head into her hands as she remembered the last things she ever said to him.

Jared put two and two together and quickly realized what was going on. “You guys had a fight, didn’t you?”

“A big one.” Lizzy answered.

“You’re cooking a duck, so that had to be a doozy.” Jared paused for a moment, “It didn’t end well either, did it?”

“No, the last things I said to him were horrible and I can’t take them back!” she began to cry even more. “I can’t believe that’s the last thing I ever said to him!”

“Forget what you said today.” Jared said as he came over and took a seat in front of her on the coffee table. “What was the last thing you said to him yesterday before he went to work?”

“I said that I loved him.” Lizzy answered.

“That’s right and what about the day before?”

“Same thing.”

“And the day before that?”

“The same.”

“So there you go.” Jared said as he waved his hands up. “Even though today was that odd day where you didn’t part saying those three words, that doesn’t negate or disqualify the kazillion times you told it to him every other day. He knew every day you loved him, and I’m sure he knew it today as well. Don’t beat yourself up about one fight because couples fight! I have a million of them a week with my old lady. People who don’t fight, those are the people who are on the highway to divorce. Fighting is healthy, it’s good for ya! Couples are like a volcano. You need to release some steam every now and then and puff a little smoke. If you don’t, then you’ll go Mount St. Helen’s and blow the whole thing sky high.”

“I’m sorry it happened at all.” Lizzy said.     

“What are you apologizing for?” Jared said with a smirk, “For being a normal couple?”

Lizzy paused and took Jared’s hand. “I just can’t believe he’s gone.”

“Neither can I Liz.” Jared replied.

They sat there, not saying a word until one of Liz’s brothers had arrived to comfort her. Her younger brother Danny was the first to arrive because he lived downtown.

Liz’s Dad called with the news and he was on the first subway to get to her apartment as quickly as he could. He came in and gave her a big bear hug. “It’s okay Liz, I’m here.” He and Jared sat her down on the couch and then Danny darted into the kitchen to start cleaning up. Not only did he clean up the mess from the small duck fire, he put the kettle on and made her a nice cup of tea. He turned to Jared when he was giving Liz her tea, “Did you need anything Jared?” he politely asked.

“No, I’m good. As a matter of fact, I’m need to get going. I need to clean up and get an update on the other guys.” He picked up his coat and his hat and started to walk to the door. “You guys give us a call if you need anything, okay?”

“We will.” Liz said as she looked back up. “Thanks.”

The next several days were Liz’s worst. Because Hayden has been killed in an explosion, it was recommended that the funeral be closed casket. Liz went a step further, accepting advice from Jared in asking for cremation, thus having Hayden transferred to an Urn rather than a casket. Jared thought it would be easier for everyone to visit a small pretty little thing rather than look at a casket they wouldn’t be allowed to open. The other guys from the firehouse volunteered to help out with the wake, setting up a touching memorial that was behind his urn. There was a tall picture of Hayden in his dress uniform along with some other pictures from scattered events that they managed to collage together around the bigger portrait. It was a lovely set up and Liz was amazed by how they went to honor a fallen comrade. Lizzy had taken the time to wear something nice, but it was blacker than night to symbolize her grief. It was a lovely tribute and everyone was nice to her, and Father Adam took a moment to say a few words and offer thoughts of hope. It was nice of him to do so because she was in no shape to say a single word. She could barely shake everyone’s hand and say thank you. All she wanted to do was go home, crawl under the sheets in her bed and sleep for the rest of the year. She knew however there was much to do to pay tribute to Hayden, and then when it was all over she would be able to hide away in her apartment and grieve her own way, alone and with no one to bug her. The weekend was one of the worst of her life, but she put on a good face and went through it. Hayden had been killed while doing his job, so every fireman in the city came dressed in their best to show their respect for a fallen comrade. It was a stunning tribute to a brave man that was known for risking his life on the job many times, and his luck just happened to run out.

The company that was responsible for the incident and the lack of paperwork for the explosives inside were in a lot of hot water. They also had sprinklers that were not up to code or recently inspected and as a result, they didn't function during the fire and the result was an out of control fire that found the combustible items and caused the death of over half a dozen firemen, including Hayden. Lawsuits were inevitable, but Lizzy didn't care about that at this given time. She was too sad to even think of something as useless as money at this time. Her husband was gone, and she didn't know what she was going to do tomorrow without him, let alone in the distant future. All the plans she had made, all the things she wanted to do, they all included Hayden in the picture. Not having him there was like a hole in her life had been punched out, like a donut. She didn't want to deal with the outside world, just her own that was falling down like a poorly stacked house of cards. She didn't know how she made it through the wake, but everyone around her was nice. When it was all said and done, Lizzy went back home and was escorted by her father, her brother and Hayden who was in the confines of a very elegant urn that sat beside her in the back seat. She had no idea where in the apartment she was going to put the urn, or even if she would be able to afford to keep the place either. So many questions were jumping around in her head and she had no answers. She didn't want to think about the future just yet as to her it was all a blank slate. It’s like someone had broken in the movie theatre and stolen the prints, leaving nothing but a blank screen for all to look at. She just wanted to go home and think about the past and remember the man she loved before he went away.

Once home, Lizzy's Dad and brother wanted to stay to make sure she was all right and would be fine. After shuffling them away, she started to clean the apartment up, just for something to do. Every time she bumped into something that belonged to Hayden, she stopped for a moment to examine it and then tossed into a pile she was making in the middle of the living room. She had no intent of keeping everything. While she was cleaning the kitchen, she came across something that almost caused her to break down. There was a thick candle that was only burned a fraction of its size. In the middle of the candle was a card that had 'Elizabeth and Hayden' written on it and the date of their wedding. It was the candle they had lit at the main table of their wedding. Every since that day they lit the candle together on their anniversary. Now that Hayden was gone, the candle was a reminder of another thing that she'll never do with him again. It was more than Lizzy could take as she used every ounce of energy she could muster and tossed the candle out of the kitchen and against the wall. The candle broke in half and even left a dent in the wall. Lizzy then walked into the living room and started to pick up Hayden's stuff that she found and piled up in the middle of the living room floor. She started to toss them around in a fit of rage and then fell to the floor, crying uncontrollably. She started to pick them up again, her hands trembling and rather than toss them around she laid them on the coffee table.

Lizzy sat back down on the floor and looked up from where she was sitting across the coffee table to where Hayden’s urn was resting. Lizzy sat there for several minutes looking at the small urn, as if it was looking back at her. She took a deep breath. “You probably think this is funny, don’t you?” She didn’t know why she said that, but her anger was something she never really let out that much, but today it was flying off the handle more than ever.  A few second later, she turned back. “You were the one with the hot temper, tossing dishes around and punching walls. So don’t give me any crap just because I need a moment to let off some stream. I’m grieving. I have a right to be upset and you know why.”

She picked the urn up from the coffee table and tried to decide where she was going to put it. She then smiled and knew the only place Hayden would want to be. She walked over to the ugly green chair and put the urn down in the back corner, leaning up to look nice and comfy. His favorite chair, and now she had a new reason to keep the chair in the living room. It was where Hayden loved sitting the most, and he’ll be there after life as well.