2. Cut Down On The Fighting

     A wise person once said ‘the reason why we fight is because we care’. It basically meant that if you didn’t care, why would you bother to make the effort to have your words heard? So while there is such a thing as too much fighting, not fighting at all is just as bad if not worse because it meant no one cares anymore to make the effort to be heard and stand up for what they believed in. Lizzy and Hayden didn’t mean to, but they quickly became the couple that fought often and often bitterly. Lizzy was far from an expert when it came to dealing with relationships, and she was going all the way right off the bat as she got married to her first serious relationship and sharing a residence with someone. Hayden’s Mom at first looked like she was going to blow a gasket when she first heard that they were moving in together, but the discovery of the ring and where it came from seemed to convince her this was the real thing and something that deserved her respect and support. But there was conflict from day one when Hayden moved into the new apartment. Lizzy had arrived first and was starting to decorate and get things settled in when Hayden arrived with a lot of guy stuff that seemed to clash with her own and was just flat out ugly. One thing that completely revolted her was the green chair. It was something that came right out of a bad seventies sitcom, and the color was pea green which made it the most revolting piece of furniture that she had ever laid eyes on. The problem however was that it was Hayden’s chair. Not just any chair, ‘the’ chair that he would always sit in to watch football, baseball or whenever he wanted to settle down with a good book. No other chair could do, it was that one or nothing. Lizzy remembered the day he brought the hideous thing moved into the apartment. He was living at home with Mom & Dad before the big move, but she noticed as they were moving his stuff in but there was no furniture. She seemed a little more at ease when a dresser drawer came up, but a few moments later, two boys from the firehouse carried in the chair that would start the first big fight of their living together. Her mouth gaped with shock as they walked in carrying the pea green relic, and Hayden came right behind them and pointed to the living room.

     “Put my baby right over there guys, beside the big couch that’s in front of the television.”

     Lizzy walked over to Hayden and tried her best to saw something but couldn’t. She was still shocked but finally said something when he asked if she was all right after noticing the look on her face. “What on earth is that hideous looking thing?”

     “That’s my chair. The only chair I have ever used, and ever will use.” Hayden said as he beamed in pride. “I’ve watched every Giants game in that chair. From when I was a wee little one on my Pa’s lap, to the games I’ll be watching this season on the fifty inch plasma television that I’m going to put up on the wall.”

     "What television are you referring to?” Lizzy said, again shocked.

     “Well, I had some cash left over after tossing in my share of the rent. I thought it would be great to get something new for us both to share. I can watch my games, and you can watch your shows on it too.”

     “But look at it?” Lizzy whined as she watched the firemen put the thing down in the living room. “It’s green! It completely clashes with my white couch and love seat! It’s easy to see these things are decades apart in age. They just don’t look good together!”

     “I’m sorry, but it’s my chair. It’s the only thing I’m bringing here.” Hayden said as he looked back at her. “If it goes, then so do I.”

     Lizzy couldn’t believe what she was hearing as she watched Hayden walk into the living room and adjust the chair so it had the perfect angle. As she watched him do that, one of his bud’s from the fire house walked up to her. “Let it go Liz. This thing is his most prized possession.”

     “Are you serious?” Lizzy asked in disbelief.

     “Dead serious.” he answered, “One year as a joke, we stole the chair to pretend that it was tossed into the trash. He flipped out because he missed watching the big game that week and because the Giants lost, he blamed us for taking the chair. It took him a long time for forgive us for it. Just ask Jared. It was his idea and Hayden’s response to his sense of humour was to pop him in the chin. Believe me when I tell you: this is a lost cause. Let it go.”

     Lizzy took a deep breath and decided to put up with the chair because being with Hayden was more important than what color their furniture was. To her it looked hideous in the corner of the living room, but it was Hayden’s only piece of furniture that he brought from his place. He loved the chair so much he let her have her way with everything else: the kitchen table, drapes over each window, the place settings, dishes and every other creative thing to pick. The only think he wanted in the house was the chair, his chair. Lizzy knew it was a futile effort but she soon realized that letting Hayden have his own chair had its benefits. Whenever he would eat something the spills would always land his chair and not her couches. So after living with the chair for a few months, it didn’t seem that bad as his chair became the default recipient of all the abuse men are known to give furniture but it saved her own from the same fate.

     Like many new couples, they had their fair share of spats from schedule conflicts with their work to who got to watch television during certain times when something they both wanted to watch was on at once. The usual stuff that most couples fight over, but it was nothing compared to the fight they had when it came to the subject of where they would get married. Lizzy didn’t want anything difficult or complicated, just a few friends and family at the court house for a quick and very cheap ceremony. Hayden knew Lizzy wasn’t a practicing person of religion, but he didn’t realize how deep it really went. She didn’t want to go anywhere near a church, even for a wedding. Hayden was the complete opposite, not too deeply religious but the kind of person that would show up on the important days and special events. He wanted to go back to his own church and marry the woman he loves in front of God and hundreds of witnesses from his own neighborhood. This was the big fight that all other fights would be measured against, as religion was always a sore spot even though they both tried to downplay it.

     Hayden flopped onto his green chair in disbelief. “I just can’t believe you don’t want to get married in a church. I mean what girl doesn’t want to have the flowers, the organ music and the man she loves waiting for her at the altar?”

     “This girl doesn’t.” Lizzy said, “We are not made of money, and your church is an expensive place to rent out for a Wedding. I thought it would be best if we saved our money for more important things like rent and food, maybe a honeymoon.”

     “I don’t think you get it. When someone gets married, everyone makes a contribution. Not only does that cover the cost of the wedding there is always more than enough to help out and even pay for a honeymoon.” Hayden was clearly frustrated but ready to talk about it rather than yell. He was trying to remain calm and talk about it rather than start another fight. “This isn’t about conversion.”

     “That’s good because odds of that happening are about as good as Hell getting a Hockey Franchise.” Lizzy said.

     “That’s very funny coming from someone who likely doesn’t believe in hell in the first place.” Hayden replied, “Do you even believe in a higher being, a creator?”

     “No more than I do in seven dwarves, a galaxy far, far away and one ring that rules them all.” Lizzy answered. She was never a religious person and it only intensified after she moved out of the house to live on her own. It left her free to investigate if religion was something she wanted in her life or something she wanted to discard. She chose the ladder of the two.

     Hayden was still a little fazed from what had happened earlier. He looked back at her with disgust in his face. “I still can’t believe you said that to his face.”

     “Said what?” Lizzy asked because she had said a lot at the meeting with his local parish and wanted to be absolutely sure which comment she made that he was talking about. It had all started earlier that day when Hayden surprised her by driving her over to his church. The one he was baptized in and worshiped with his peers in all his life. She was surprised that he brought her there but it was for a reason. He had set up an appointment to visit his priest. The father was a busy man but he made time for Hayden because he was very close with his family. Once the conversation began, the priest could tell she was very uncomfortable with the conversation as well as the idea that Hayden had decided in advance that they would be getting married in his church. During this conversation was when Lizzy began to formally object to the idea of marrying him in the church. When asked what part of it she had a problem with, she didn’t know where to start. “First of all, I find it a little sexist that a decision this big about where we get married was made without my knowledge.”

     “This place has significant sentimental value.” the priest replied, “It was a decision that was made before he even met you, so it cannot be considered a slight against you.”

     “Yes it can.” Lizzy corrected.

     Hayden to could tell this was going to be the start of a significant conflict. Less than five minutes later the priest would take no more as he stood and left the room, making it clear through his silence that he wouldn’t allow them to marry within his church. The meeting pained Hayden a great deal, it was something he had always considered part of the package. Getting married in the same church that he grew up in was a no brainer to him, and he never stopped to think or consider that the person he purposed to might have different thoughts about his church and religion for that matter. It was a lesson that Lizzy’s protests had made perfectly clear. She didn’t believe in it and it put them on opposite ends: they couldn’t live as man and wife if they couldn’t agree on where to start.

     The issue came to a close not by one person giving into another, but through the arrival of a new minister only four months later. Fatty foods and wine eventually got to the previous priest that Lizzy had conflicted with and he passed away in his sleep. Lizzy didn’t feel bad about it, but Hayden was crushed since it was the same bloke that baptized him and guided him through his life thus far. Despite people’s assumptions about Lizzy’s apparent atheism, she attended the funeral with Hayden, to at least show respects to someone he admired a great deal. It was during this service that the solution their stalemate came to them. After the funeral and people where on their way back to their cars, someone approached the couple. It was the new priest that had been assigned by the church to take over the parish. He was young, only two years older than Hayden but only five years shy of his thirtieth birthday. He walked up to them and extended a hand, “Hi there. I’m Adam O’Reilly.”

     “Adam?” Hayden said with a smirk on his face, “The same from King’s Elementary?”

     “The very same,” the priest said with a smile, “Your memory is impeccable. I thought you might have forgotten.”

     “You two know each other?” Lizzy stated, obviously aware it was likely.

     “We used to be best friends in school.” Hayden said as he slapped the man’s shoulder, “We used to be partners in crime.”

     “Used to be.” Adam concurred, “I have a new partner and he’s pretty cool. Hey, did you ever keep in touch with Gary?”

     “I’m afraid not. Not since he made Uncle Sam his partner in crime.” Hayden replied.

     Father O’Reilly then turned to the lady next to Hayden. “I assume you would be Elizabeth, the bride to be?” He said with a warm smile as he offered her a hand.

     “Yes.” Lizzy said as she shook his hand.

     “I actually was very close to Father Johnson.  He came over to our parish to visit with my mentor often so I’m aware of your situation. I don’t want to interfere but I would like just offer my assistance and anything I can do to help. I’m not asking to do anything you’re not comfortable with Elizabeth, it would be great if you would be willing to just to hear me out.”

     “All right.” Lizzy said with a smile.

     Turns out Father Adam, as he prefers to be called, was much more approachable than the previous priest was. When they came to visit weeks later, he went out of his way to make the both feel welcome, clearing out a large portion of his schedule so they didn’t feel rushed and even had a small cheese and cracker spread to hopefully make things more comfortable. Hayden wasn’t as nervous this time out, considering what had happened during the meeting with Father Johnson, who was more of an authority figure. With Father Adam, he was visiting an old friend, not the new head of his parish.

     “I just want to repeat.” Father Adam started with a smile, “That no one is going to pressure anyone to do anything they are not comfortable with. Now Elizabeth, I take it from my conversation with the late Father Johnson that you do not share the same faith as Hayden.”

     “Actually,” Lizzy said as she tried to be polite with her correction. “I don’t follow any organized religion.”

     “An atheist then, I presume?” Father Adam quickly concluded.

     “Correct.” Lizzy confirmed just as quickly and very proud of her stand in life. “Richard Dawkins is my homeboy.”

     “I see.” Adam wasn’t upset and even cracked a smile. Hayden was afraid the conversation was going to get a little more heated but his assumptions were incorrect. “Elizabeth, we know why Hayden wants to marry here. To be honest, it has more to do with comfort than an exhibition of faith and devotion to God.” Adam paused for a moment to take a sip of water. “Hayden has come to this church his whole life and he’s watched most of his siblings walk down this very aisle. No one is asking you to adopt our faith.”

     “We’re not?” Hayden asked, somewhat confused.

     “No, we’re not.” Adam confirmed, “If you want to read the notes I perform at every ceremony, neither member are asked to devote any allegiance to a God.”

     “Oh really? And why is that?” Lizzy asked as she was confused by this detail. Why would people gather in a church if it wasn’t to worship God?

     “That’s because the ceremony of holy wedlock is about two people pledging allegiance to each other, not a God. When we make reference to God, it’s that He is just another witness to this great occasion, not the center of it. I’m asking you to devote your soul and your life to Hayden, not God. If you chose to do that at a later time I would welcome you with open arms but I will not force you or blackmail you into doing it just to get married here. As far as I’m concerned that is conduct unbecoming of people who claim to a man of God. The best way for you to introduce someone to your home is not to force them to watch from outside, but to invite them in and allow them to make their own decisions. Regardless of where life will take you Elizabeth, both you and Hayden will always be welcome here. You will always have one friend here, regardless if we agree on faith or not. That is my pledge to you.”

     Lizzy had been touched by his sincere words. He was willing to accept her for whatever she was and offered to let her and Hayden marry without asking her to jump through any hoops to get there. The man wasn’t offering special treatment but merely practiced what he preached by offering an olive branch. She would be a fool not to take it, especially given that she did want to marry Hayden more than anything she ever wanted before in all her life. She wiped a tear from her eye and smiled at the two men who were waiting for her response. “So... what weekends are available in July?”

     The way the two men responded you would have thought their favorite football team had just scored the winning touchdown at the Superbowl. Turns out there were plenty of dates available in July and the happy couple had no problem selecting their date. It was a wonderful day and the wedding went off without a single hitch. Father Adam gave a stunning and very neutral ceremony, and everyone left feeling happy and content. Hayden’s parents were beside themselves because it was the same church every other child was married in and Lizzy’s Dad was stunned that she was willing to step anywhere near a church, let alone get married on one. He was still pleased because it meant he got to walk his little girl down the aisle. It was a task he did eagerly, beaming with pride. Everything was perfect and the two of them couldn’t have been happier. Yet when you get married only so much time would pass before the honeymoon would end, and conflicts would again arise.

     It’s always the same thing when it comes to being pressured by your family. There are three stages that parents just refuse to give up on. The first is school: where are you going to attend college? You get that speech from grade nine until your first day of your freshman year and then the gripe is what your major is going to be and what you’re going to use it for when you get out. It’s a never ending nag, but parents love it because they’re just proud to have a kid in college. Lizzy and Hayden didn’t have this issue since neither of them attended college. They both took good, hard working jobs and stuck with them, much to the discontent of their families. Yet when you find that special someone, the focus changes: when are you going to get married? When you finally walk down the aisle and say your ‘I do’s’, the focus then shifts once but this time it was to the theme that started their next round of fights from the moment till their first anniversary: when are you going to have kids.

'

     This was the subject that was a sore spot for both of them. Hayden wanted kids badly and basically immediately after they became married. Lizzy wasn’t in a rush to become a parent. She wanted to spend a few years just enjoying time with Hayden. Marriage was a big enough step for her and she wasn’t ready to make any more at least for a while so that she could get more comfortable with the idea of being someone’s mommy. It was a thought that had scared her night and day and now she was so close to becoming that person someone looked up to that it terrified her. She let her feelings be known to Hayden and he didn’t take them well. He took this as an indictment of him as a husband and that she didn’t think he was ready to be a father. She never understood what his problem was, but it was something men felt concerning the subject. She tried to explain she was the one worried about becoming a parent, but he never seemed to want to hear her excuses. As a member of the fire department, Hayden kept grounded where it came to the subject of his mortality. He dealt with life threatening situations too often to mention. Basically Hayden didn’t want to take the life he had for granted or assume that he would come home every night unscathed. This was the reason the fights had become so bitter but one day they just stopped. It was only one year into their marriage when Hayden had suddenly stopped bringing the subject up and Lizzy noticed it almost immediately. She had sometimes made comments that opened the door for the subject to come up again, but Hayden never took it and ignored the chances. Lizzy was never the kind to brag, but accepted that Hayden likely decided to finally give her some space and let her come to him when she was ready to commit to this rather than force her to hurry along. She really appreciated it but never told him that because she didn’t want to think she might be rubbing in his face. She was still curious to what had happened to provoke his silence on the issue. Did someone step in on her behalf and tell him to cut it off and give her some slack or had he decided to do that on his own? She didn’t look a gift horse in the mouth because without that nagging issue, things were very peaceful for the next several months. That one fight they had was the mother of all fights. It was one that made the rest of the fights they ever had look like practice for the big one. They screamed, yelled, cursed and there were even a few broken dishes during the ordeal. It ended just as ugly as it had started with Hayden and Lizzy exchanging insults before he slammed the door on his way out to work. She had cried that morning and even decided to call in sick from work. She was in no mood to handle her job that day and stayed home, watching some television before eventually getting around to cleaning up the mess that was made by their enormous fight. To make a peace offering, she had decided to make a huge meal for dinner, something that would let him know that despite their spats she still loved him and didn’t want him to go. She was halfway through cooking a duck in the oven when there was a knock at her door.

     She rushed into the living room, hoping it was Hayden coming home early from work to make up from their fight. She opened the door and it wasn’t him. It was Jared, one of Hayden’s best friends from the firehouse. Jared had a few pounds on the rest of the guys but he made up for it with wit and his ability to find the words when no one else could. He wasn’t dressed very well, wearing all his gear and his face was still black with char meaning he had just come from fighting a fire. She looked up at him confused at first, and then it all suddenly came to her like a wave: something had happened. “Jared, what are you doing here?”

     “We answered a huge fire at a storage facility today, a real five alarm blaze. I’m not going to sugar coat it Liz, it was brutal.” He looked down at his shoes, hoping there was some sort of cheat sheet that would help him a long. “A lot of people got hurt today.”

     Lizzy’s eyes began to fill with tears. “Where’s Hayden?” Jared didn’t answer her and it was clear he was crying, which was hard to tell considering how much dirt and ash was on his face. “Is he all right?” Lizzy asked.

     "I'm afraid not, Liz." Jared replied, "He's dead."