Care

About my life and what it meant to me.

Care

1. Ok so I want you to close your eyes and when you see all black right when you close your eyes I want you to imagine the thing that you most care about whether it is something or someone.

2. Now as you’re thinking about that now all the sudden imagine all of that is getting burned and destroyed.

3. Now open up your eyes and look in a mirror and ask yourself why do you care so much about what you thought.

4. Let me tell you something about myself when I do the same thing.

5. When I do this I feel like it happens and that I have no control of stopping the destruction of it.

6. The reason is because to me the thing I care most about is gone.

7. Ok so close your eyes and imagine this let's say you were me right now.

8. So you’re in Russia and your cold because when you look at yourself all you see is pants that have holes and a shirt that is ripped and a jacket that is too small for you.

9. Then right as you look right in front of you there is the thing that I care most about.

10. But you can’t see it and may ask what is it.

11. Well it was my mom I cared about so much and even though my mom did not show the same care back to me I still cared about her.

12. I was still a little boy who was so skinny because you had to steal to get food and somedays you got nothing and you get beaten up for stealing but other days you get some food that is barely enough for one person.

13. Or imagine this for a moment that you see a mouse that sees cheese and that cheese is on a mousetrap and some days you get the cheese and other days you get hurt.

14. Now imagine being me again and so you see the food that can help the one person you care about.

15. But you know that you might get hurt a lot.

16. But I cared so much that I was willing to get hurt I was so willing that I would have put my life out to help the one person I cared about.

17. But you see one day I open my eyes and the thing I care about most is gone.

18. At first seems like I am dreaming and that when I open my eyes everything will be ok.

19. So I open my eyes again and nothing changed she was gone, but I did not want to believe this so try again and again and every time it’s the same thing she is gone.

20. Like a song that is put on repeat it says the same stuff over and over and over.

21. After a awhile I just fell to my knees and started to cry, and I asked myself this “where did I go wrong”.

22. But I never got the answer and instead I get more pain.

23. Not physical but mental the kind of pain that brings tears to your eyes and you can’t stop them from coming.

24. Like a waterfall it will always keep going no matter what.

25. As my days went on I started to have nights and dreams that had nothing in them just black space enfitnate black space.

26. As I woke up every day I did the same thing over and over, I waited by the same spot that my mom and I would be at when night set, that place was in front of a church.

27. So everyday I would pray for my mom to come bach that the thing I cared about would return and put my life back the way it was before it may not have been the best life but at least I had the thing I cared most about.

28. Eventually I stopped praying and I stopped hoping for a day that would never come, because after one night when I was walking and just thinkin I found my mom.

29. At first I noticed the person and then I saw that it washer lying on the ground.

30. So I ran and said “ I found you mom” but I got no answer back so I said it again this time a little bit louder.

31. But everytime I said it no answer came back to me, that’s when there  was blood on my hands from where I had held my mom.

32. At first I thought I was imagining but I could not have been because the blood started to drip from my hand onto the ground.

33. That was when my eyes started to tear up again like when she was gone but this time she was gone and there was no way for me to bring her back.

34. That was the day that the thing I cared most about was gone that was the day I realised that I would never be the same again.

35. From that day on I still have this memory that comes back and haunts me.

36. Ok now I want you to open your eyes and before you say anything I want you to think about this.

37. When you return to the thing you care most about I want to say or if you don’t want to say it then think this I am honored to have you and I don’t want to let you go but if you do go I will see you again someday in the sky where all the cared things go.

Reviews

[sette]

i just can't imagine the pain the person has to go through of losing the mother he will always love in that gory way and the frustration of getting old without finding the answers to everything. maybe one reason why it seems difficult for a person to let go of someone who has been precious and at the same time daunting his heart and even his sanity.