Passing it on..

You came to me out of nowhere
I would see you pass by
Small words chosen
Small talks spoken

You began to take notice
You chose the right words

You pulled me closely,
not knowing where it will go

You stepped right through me
You stood right by my side

I unexpectedly took you in
You expectedly pulled aside

Not knowing where it would go
You began to pass it on

With no words spoken
You managed to still speak a lot

Reviews

[matthew henry]

First off, my knowledge of poetry is like pretty lacking. Me giving a critique is like the blind leading the naked. However, as with all art forms, the idea is to reach people, educated or not in the form. I know only a little about painting, but I assuredly feel something when I look at a Vermeer, especially when it's in front of me, large in its essence. So, about the poem: I think it has a nice feel to it, or maybe a 'real' feel is better way to say it. Heartfelt. Something that struck me though, in the structure, was that I noticed you used "will" in line 8, and then later in 13 you used would. I think they should both be would, but again, maybe I'm just a fool. Also, from what I learned at Iowa U, was that less words in a poem is somehow better. Not always of course, but you wrote, "Not knowing where it would go." Instead of word phrases in negative like Not knowing, maybe you could say Unsure, or Uncertain, etc. or somehow show this uncertainty. Also, I think as with most writing, regardless of the form, a punch in the nose, direct, secure writers standpoint is often best. People want to kill writers. It is quite easy to disagree or attack the writers words, for there is no person there -- even if the writer is sitting in front of you. And unfortunately, it is about the only art form where such submission to the art can happen. What? Yeah well, think about this. How does a painter paint and be meek at it? Too soft of colors, tiny brush strokes? I don't think so. Or a musician? Same thing. They put the notes together, the instrument makes the sound. With writing, the voice in the head comes from the words you choose, and if you choose to take a meek stance as a writer, you will produce meek sounds in the readers head. And again, with writing, especially poetry, it is very easy to allow the art work/poem take control of you. Your feelings can be hard to explain, unclear, or injured, which is fine, but when you write this, you as a writer must be very clear to describe this unclearness. For example; I was confused and sad VS. I had lost my path, its way muddled by my tears. I hope that makes sense. I think the last two lines are great and get at the essential idea of what I am saying.

As for the feeling, like I said earlier, I like it. I could use more sensations/tactiles; visuals, smells, etc., but there is also an element of style which you have to decide for yourself. Hope this helps. I'm not a poet. Good Luck!