Insomniac

 

We are the strangest question by far

it’s easy to neglect this, easy to

slip away down to something quite sacred,

something other than the potion in our one meaning

or menacing

 

Each time I try it follows me

the open eye, once a candle to a peacock burning bright

now the compensation to the day

a steady prayer at that, and one that waivers

once in, from then on

never out of mind,

 

Yet there once was a sweetness about,

an hour so quiet that when the melancholy seeped or stirred

I’d wake the sleep to work out this madness

 

The night would fill and form around me

the groggy black glass so rancid and macabre,

yet together we could paint our pain

together something refined our senses and

something heavier would slow the famished pictures

 

The blood beneath our skin would rust and slow

stampeding eyes became disciples to the shadows

gleaming, as if into Africa or off to a brief heaven

wherever we’d decide

and when morning spoke we’d paint again until the pain would

simply slip off and away

 

Oh yes, the morning would come

the unstoppable rise though we’d try to fight it 

and the more we asked the more we died

it was not the apology but rather having to hide beneath the

miles and miles of mindless phrases

 

It has always been a place of death for me

and the source of life

a place to grow the light that glows to an end

a place to slip away from the slant of my own empty rooms

with so many souls now beside me

it is the most infectious seed I can recall

living with something that will never besiege the question

or worse than the tyrant that lives inside 

inducing the quality to the question itself.

Reviews

[lightsong]

Specially the first two verses, every word You've chosen, You chose it in purpose. when I was young, if I started to think about us, the earth, the universe... etc... I started to feeling that my mind was going to the edge. so I practiced it to stop at a certain level. as I am older, I have no fear or confusion to dive and dwell in that... we are the strangest qustion, and we will always be, because we are the mini versions of the universe. You try to find your answers in all the ways you know, science, religion, physics, spirituality, powers... etc but the comfort you got is from those souls whom are like you, you feel them, you give and take from them.

with your continuously "opened peacock eye" you are insomniac, I do believe this one is not only about being sleepless and unable to sleep, but more of how this "always" opened mind refuses to rest... and what's better than a keyboard and words as friends?

May each night be peaceful enough for You dear Joe.

[Perdition]

The keyboard has returned...lol. Sorry for the delay. The "souls" as you call them, were actually a voice for me, a kind and cruel visitor that I considered a muse.."she" whispered at night, lending me the first few lines and then my tendencies toward the madness of poetry would take me the rest of the way. The voice would always be kind enough and the words impossible to ignore. If you haven't heard of it look up what it is to be in a state of hypnagogia...I think that is what you trained your mind to expeerience in a deeper consciousness. Pretty impressive without a guide. They say it is very much like meditation but I have found meditation to be far more silent than what you've described.
We are indeed the most curious of questions that is IF we do actually exist..and we must, Descarte declared us so..lol. Actually I don't believe it matters. we are having whatever this existence/nonexistence allows regardless. May your nights be just as peaceful as well fellow poet. They say insanity is a magnificent ledge to visit...I leap from it as often as possible..lol. it never disappoints. How did Bukowski put it? “Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.” Year after years of insomnia will get ya there I can attest .lol. Thanks again ;)

[Kaylor Mason]

Insomnia is both a blessing and a curse for a writer--I used to suffer it quite a bit.

[Perdition]

Well put..the blessing I believe must be some degree of choice and one that is strikingly amazing when we consider the effects on our health. We become addicted to that first line or stanza that only seems to arrive with the coming of darkness or what I consider to be the artist's extended state hypnogogic. That condition normally insane for most. Welcome to the yin turned yang I suppose. Thanks Kaylor

[KWP]

Happy to say I am not an insomniac - go figure - happily in a long-lasting relationship with my bed.

Glad I stopped by, I haven't read one of yours in many many moments, you still have the gift of lullaby in your words I see :)

[Perdition]

Oh ..that is just crueler than cruel..lol. No insomnia? Are you even trying anymore??..hahaha..Happy to see you again as well young friend..Seems just yesterday we were discussing life down under by the beach and the wonderful restaurant business..Did I get that right? Thanks for stopping in and sorry I was fresh out of Vegemite..Man I hope I got that right. Probably not but the effort ..right..Smiles and thanks KWP!

[KWP]

I'll pack the Vegemite, yes we shall head to the beach and put a snag on the Bar-b mate ;) you got that right, good memory my friend. Sold the business though, onwards and upwards hey ?? Nice to hang!

[barleygirl]

As a bipolar person, I've had raging insomnia all my life due to rapid-cycling mania. I hardly ever sleep more than 2 hours in a stretch. I could see this poem applying to insomnia in the literal sense & it's a creative & powerful & spooky way to portray it. But about halfway thru, I popped off this track (becuz the poem started to sound like it included a pair rather than a singular person) & I started to think about how sometimes a new-ish relationship can be like manic insomnia, in that everything is hyped up & you can't live without that other person & you do all-nighters often becuz you can't stop pouring everything out & you feel like soulmates & you have to share every nuance that crosses your mind. This insomnia-style budding romance can be about as lethal as this poem makes it sound, like all this intensity, all this shirking off of needed breaks & breathers from each other, it can lead to just such a downfall as much as becoming insanely sleep-deprived. Sorry I haven't reviewed you lately . . . don't know why I never see you & I've been sketchy, too. Hope everything is fine with you & yours in these risky times (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Perdition]

Think "Poetry"...as James Wright said to his son Franz..and I'm paraphrasing here " So you're a Poet. I'll be damned. Welcome to hell." I think that sums up our condition quite nicely don't you? Thank you again Margie and please don't apologize. The poet is always responsible for the reader's passion..So I sucked..I get it..sniff sniff..lol. Just kidding as always. I've been writing in these tiny little towns with characters that I grow made of apple butter and foggy clouds w.out the summary of rain. Some inspiration just be that way. I will return to writing here again though, soon as I remember the address ;) You are always a wonder in every review.. I'd say poems as well but I think the line behind you has already spoken. Kitchen soon Margie..Promises...promises..lol.

[Robert Trakofler]

I sleep like a baby:) this affliction has not been an issue for the me, thank goodness! But I find I don't need to sleep as much these days as I used to maybe 6 hours:/ I think the general state of my mind is always in a meandering brink of chaos that's why I meditate so much for clarity but somehow I have this switch at nightfall where I can just release the constant murmurings of a fractured mind and the "I" in me disappears in this I am blessed my friend. I have often said that the state of almost wake is when the best poetry comes out of me perhaps that's what happens to Mr. Perdition lovely discourse here good sir

[Perdition]

Hahaha...well was out watching the world burst at the seams so sorry for the delay but yeah..night has a special sense and prowess of its art in making the darker words and fine wounds and worst yet hearts that are desperate for it to never end at all. Thanks my friend as well.

[Unspoken poet]

I've insomnia myself, so I am no stranger to this write. This is amazing

[Perdition]

Well nothing to lose any sleep over really..smiling. You knew that was coming didn't ya?..lol. Thanks again and yep ...it does seem to be the common plague, along with others around our page.

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

Ah, How I use to be such a creature...only wanting the darkness of the night to live and be free by...now here I am wanting to dance in the breezes of the afternoon sunsets and crawl through the wet grass in the morning's dew...How I hear life's peak in the bird's chirp or its flutter as I move into the wings. How excited I get to push my soul into the warm wetness of live dirt and whisper there with the weeds. I feel a new heartbeat...a tickle...a smell. I'm guessing this isn't my tyrant or maybe he's always been my love turbulent ...returned now from the ages of a dead sea. I love this poem but am not sure it has anything at all to do with insomnia....but that once again may just be me ;P

[Perdition]

Put down the medication!!..lol. No ..it all sounds wonderful and I'm right there with ya.The season has sort of been cancelled on us but in that, there is also a wonderful newness to the spirit of life and in living. They can't steal summer from us can they..or can they? ..lol. Now if I could only get some sleep ;) Thanks Queenie~

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

I am not sure we should sleep at this time. I think we need to be wide awake. I think we need to quit living in the dark...because even when the sun is up we seem to be living in the shadows. This time is horrible but it's also amazing. Sea turtles are returning to the beaches, pollution is decreasing....the earth is Awakening again!

[Perdition]

I had to lecture a sea turtle last week....wasn't wearing a mask. Some critters..snicker ..snort. As for staying awake well don't worry I haven't slept in decades and I'm not about to start now!

[Ruth]

This is astounding writing :) I really enjoyed reading this piece...no stranger to insomnia myself, I understand several images here. The metaphor is sheer brilliance :)

[Perdition]

Can any one of these poets stand by the well of words and not draw from insomnia? Seems to play a major part in the muse's music of who we are and what drives our passions for as long it does...the eventual tear in the fabric..well we've all been there as well but thank you so very much.and do I take it you are NOT a Bukowski fan?..lol. Looking forward to reading more and appreciate your kind words..now get some sleep..lol. ;)

[Ruth]

Lol I do love Bulowski's poetry...I find it real and provoking...you are very welcome to the review...I look forward to reading more of your poetry :)

[Ruth]

Bukowski even...

[Chris Shaw]

I too suffer from insomnia, a troublesome beast but one I can manage. Unlike that other one that confines us to our homes and isolates us from loved ones. At least in our minds we have freedom to wander off, converse, embrace with whomever we wish in our make believe world. I really enjoyed the poetic expression in this writing. Well done.

Chris

[Perdition]

I think insomnia just comes with the poetic territory..well that along with depressions and horrible ends and "the heartache and the thousand natural shocks which flesh is heir to"..lol. Times like these we learn so much more than we bargain for but once held firmly to the mirror perhaps we see ourselves quite often for the first time. We are so much more the necessary than ever intended and we can't take that for granted even when fighting with our own shadows. Cheers and Thanks Chris~

[poetgurl]

Quite an intriguing write, well said and written

[Perdition]

Thanks! Came together like a scream into a air conditioning fan..lol.