Because of You

I find an uncommon mystery, 

a gaze behind her eyes

silent as the morning and tiny fawns at leap

crossing the summer's hungry wet field

In this world the young hide too deep for heaven

too dark in the fire's light for the flames to mend  

The first moment into a kiss is attached to a lifetime 

Awakening in sleepy-eyed petals that can consume the mind, 

I cannot be right to feel this way

I cannot be right to feel at all

whispering out the beauty from just her name

in the summer we are mindful from a distance

clouds dividing our only hope

 and so the gift is dawn, though

we are seeping through the wood  

melting through the sound we utter whenever we are not 

yet apart is a courage in living

it is the shelter we build when God is away

and the winter's wind becomes the hammer

the sound of love dying is a fawn hard at breath at the end of the year and God watching down from my shoulders 

I wish she could understand what I see before the year is over.

 

Author's Note

done

Reviews

[Alisa Js]

And yet, we feel...

The days are a bit brighter when seen through these eyes, the nights a bit warmer, knowing she cares. And even if it's only a dream, what a beautiful dream it is.

I don't think it's only lost to youth, but can be sustained throughout a lifetime, should one be so fortunate.

Love this one...

I will now see what I can do.

Aloha,

Alisa ;-)

[Perdition]

Well it is Hawaii so? Hey..how did you spell that water again ...got asked by a few people with issues last night. Thanks Alisa!

[Alisa Js]

Kangen

Will message you

;-)

[NotUsinganymore]

Very nice! i feel like it reminds me of when I first liked a girl, but was too shy to even approach her.

[Perdition]

Wow do I remember those times as well ...think it was a couple weeks back..lol. Shy is a wonderful trait..use it with the combination of respect and see what happens JungLee...be that mystery in kind. Thank you for dropping and for reading ~

[NotUsinganymore]

It happened when I was in North Korea, but she was a higher rank than me. So I thought I'd get in trouble for interacting with her so I kept silent and just stared at her. I think I might have creeped her out lol

[Perdition]

She is probably still talking about you and crying her eyes out...you should give her a call. Ya never know until you trip and fall on your way over to talk to her in her perfect never ending fountain of beauty..WOMEN!..lol.

[NotUsinganymore]

Hahaha yes

[¿]

None discovered a word beyond love yet? Cause I wanted to use that for expressing how I feel bout this piece and the image!
This one's like coaxing oneself with sweet and precious memories in depression... real and soulful lines been knitted here.
A thank you for writing this and a wish "have a great day!" :)

[Perdition]

Well there you go people..another opinion in a work in progress and IS it what I as trying to convey.. maybe...but the review serves a wonderful purpose Tahsin in that I can see how you see it as I am editing. You have shown me how it relays to you and where you are from...That matters big time in my own evolving so Thank you as always..Now as far as a word beyond love...I think just showing up is that word beyond love...only with more adjectives and curse words..lol. Well timed and thank you for the kind words. :)

[¿]

Ah am honoured!😄
In that case, happy editing...you'll bring out the "beutiful-est" :) I know!

[Perdition]

Think I might use a monkey instead of the fawn so things should pick up here ..In a weird and wonderful way :P Thanks!

[¿]

Perhaps! But you're the who needs to be satisfied at first with your poem...I'll always love it😇

[Perdition]

:)........

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

Did you just say that I say ..you ruin your poems with editing? I never said ruin did I ? Im sorry...

[Perdition]

No...did I? I said that I do get, (and you are not the only only one btw) some people upset when I change the first draft. I sorta like that process cause it teaches me more and more and the more again about the process...this is art and art is primarily subjective. There is an objective side but If the the artist bends to what he feels than he will eventually lose his art. I love that you come, among others to tell me the honesty of your feeling, but as well you know I hold the reigns of my own poetry and I also ask for it as my process is not like most...I do my editing here so that others can see. I need the site to see what I am trying to convey and sometimes it works perfectly while other times I flat out destroy a good poem. But..as I've often said, " If it can be broke than break it". It's just my way and you're kind enough to give me your honest opinion and that has helped me tremendously. Now Put em up ..Put em up :) Man us artists are jumpy.lol. Thanks Crippled Queen.

[Perdition]

And eyes on your own paper little lady..lol.

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

Okay, I just know that I have a tendency to be a bit loud about it:) ...now where did I put that fog horn? hmm be right back:)

[Perdition]

Wherever you wish leg horn ..and don't you ever change a single thing about you or words will be spoken...only in a less audible way Mkay!

[lightsong]

I don't see any need for a (wip), here all is laid unselfishly to us with sincerity and Your own way of serenity. in these few special lines You've painted Your own private world, the pain, the wonderment, the ongoing wandering, that very gentle side of You, Your ever keen eyes and mind, the bliss, being hurt yet blessed... I love this... it touches us inside with a rare kind of tenderness, and that PHOTO! well... it speaks more than I could.

[Perdition]

For some reason I need to see the poems in the bright lights and then the rough drafts take on another form in the brain and something within decides whether to change it or not based on what I was actually seeing at that time, so more of a notice/warning but yes I agree for now...not going to touch it and then 4 a.m. rolls around and that something happens so ...maybe..maybe not. But thanks Light. Just the way I write and I have definitely ticked off a lot of people who liked the first drafts ..who knows.., maybe I'll come around..lol.

[lightsong]

completely understood. in the past I wanted like to write everything in just one poem lol now I let it be and flow as it's, but of course editing still there, at times with great touch, another with a slight one, sometimes I look to my older poems and say WHAT IS THIS!!?? WHO WROTE THIS?! lol not a good feeling at all :)

Happy morning, I was up also at 3 am couldn't sleep until few hours passed, and BTW did I say that I love Your title here?

[Perdition]

Good Morning Light...No you didn't say that but much appreciated ..as predicted the 4 am monster arrived and went easy this time but not sure it is done quite yet...need that good editor to pound me solid and just get it done..Soon...for now the process is workings and can' complain. Thanks...now hoping at least an hour's sleep...THUD! ;)

[lightsong]

MUCH better! it's now more smoother and clearer, well done Mr. Ocean! but I just liked the previous ending (Winter's wind) than this, well just my opinion :)

[lightsong]

P.S, what about putting that gorgeous photo atop Your poem?

[Perdition]

lol..Oh trust me I get a lot of opinions about how I ruin the poems with the editing..but if you notice the wip is still on there so I have to work for a little while longer. The one thing I have begun to learn is that I only edit a little to begin with and then also have to realize that there are 10 other poems waiting behind this one so LIFE OVER! hahaha. And as far as pics above the poems and songs belong I think that is taking away from the actual poem and just adding ...I only recently started adding pics, Let the words stand alone and see where it goes and keep writing until it kills you I say along with Bukowski :) Now comes the THUD...I need the photographer..old style and editor..old style and and and and,,,With friends such as you ..no way I won't get there, But so many supporting poets on here. Now we just have to see what happens out THERE! Much Love Light and that is all I got so I'll be back a little later.

[lightsong]

I never said "ruined" did I ? ;)

for wanting the words to be there all alone... though You might not believe it, but I got You! to have that ancient feeling were there was only pen and papers, only "words".

do take care of Your self there, sleep a little bit at least, and when You "completely" finish editing this one ( and You will :) ) tell me so I can read it. much love back at You~