Untitled: Just a Random OneshotA Story by Penwhill She stood there hours after everyone
else was gone. She’d lost all perception of time, as she simply stood over his…
She saw it but still couldn’t say it, not out loud, not even to herself, she
just couldn’t. Maybe she was scared that saying it would make her realize this
wasn’t just a horrible dream. Scared that admitting it would solidify her own
pre-existing fear of one day joining him wherever it is he was now gone. Scared
of being reminded there were things outside her control, things she could not
change or fix no matter how much she learned about them; no matter how smart
she was or hard she tried. Honestly
she never even expected it to affect her so much. Although he’d been a big part
of her childhood, she hadn’t actually seen him or spoken to him in years. As
ashamed as she was to admit it, she’d come to slowly forget about him; until
that distraught phone call from her brother one week ago. She could tell he’d
been crying despite his desperate attempt at trying to cover up the tears in
his voice. She hated it when he cried; she genuinely wished she could bring him
back to life to stop her little brother’s tears. Maybe if she stood here long
enough he would jump out from where he lay and scream “surprise!” or “boo!” or
“it was just a prank!” but of course he wouldn’t. For the simple reason that it
wasn’t a prank and she knew it. Still she stood there, until her legs started
to hurt, till her shoulders felt heavy and her head weighted too much for her
neck to hold up. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as if making up for
the ones he couldn’t take anymore. She stared right at the tombstone that bore
his name and forced the words “you’re dead” out of her lips. She felt the full
weight of those words as she took a moment to let them sink deep within her
heart. She let out a heavy sigh before
turning and walking away. She sat on the terrace of a
coffee shop enjoying a cup of tea, while trying to rationalize her feelings. It
was the only way she knew how to deal with them. She’d been sitting there for a
while now, questioning herself and trying to come up with reasonable answers as
to why she felt the way she did, when an interaction on the sidewalk caught her
attention. A little girl, maybe 6, complained about her untied shoelaces; her
grand-father picked her up and sat her on the trunk of their car. He then
patiently went through the steps to teach her how to tie her laces on her own.
The scene made her feel nostalgic for her own childhood; for every morning when
her parents were either sleeping or arguing, but he’d be there, he’d teach her
how to tie her shoelaces before holding her hand to the car and driving her to
school. Every. Morning. Despite the sadness the memory filled her with an odd
sense of happiness. “You have a lovely child” she called out to the old man on
the sidewalk from her table. The man turned around and smiled at her “thank
you. ” He said, then turning to address the child “What do we say to the nice
lady Molly?” and the child replied shyly “thank you…” she smiled at the family as
they got in the car and the old man politely nodded at her “have a nice day!”
“You too” she muttered much too silently for him to have heard. Not that he
seemed to care, he was already driving away. She walked in to her apartment
to James fretting around in the kitchen, she didn’t even question it anymore
and just let out an exasperated sigh. He immediately left the kitchen to join
her in the living room where she was already taking her coat off. “Where were
you? I called like a billion times and you wouldn’t answer your phone!” he
exclaimed taking her coat. “Yes well. There is a reason for that.” She said
nonchalantly. “Yes I know you hate phone calls. But I texted you like a
bajillion times and you didn’t reply, so like a normal human being I got
worried…” she cut him off “I highly doubt you sent me a ‘bajillion’ texts; as
you can see I’m fine. You can go home.” There was a moment of silence as his
amber eyes peered into her dark brown ones, trying to decipher what she was
feeling. His stare made her a little uncomfortable so she turned away and
headed towards the kitchen. “You seem upset.” He said simply and she replied
just as simply “that’s because I came home to a picked lock and a creep running
around my kitchen.” He chuckled but didn’t say anything else, he just stood
there for a while looking at her. “Your landlord told me about your loss…he was
worried…said you were…moodier… than usual.” He said hesitantly. She put her
glass of water down swallowing her aspirin, then walked back towards James
throwing her hands in the air and said “well as you can see I’m not quite dying
of chagrin yet so you can go ahead and tell him that I’m perfectly fine!” she
hated that look in his eyes. He looked at her like she was a wounded puppy and
she hated it. “Alright.” He said getting his coat, he then paused and added “I
don’t know how important this person was to you…but I just wanted to say I’m really
sorry for your loss.” She shrugged and tried to seem unaffected “it’s not like
there was anything you could’ve done” but the second the words came out she
knew she’d failed. It’s not like there was anything he could’ve done. It’s not
like there was anything she could’ve done and her helplessness angered her to
no end. She was so preoccupied with her thoughts that she was surprised to find
herself in James’ arms; his hand resting at the top of her head, his arm
wrapped around her. “What are you doing?” she asked perplexed by this
unrequited show of affection. “Well…I’m hugging you. That’s a thing normal people
do when the people they care about are sad. It’s supposed to make you feel
better.” He explained as if she was completely alien to the concept of hugs. “It’s
not working, and I don’t understand what makes you think I’m sad.” She said
attempting to persuade herself as much as James. “Give it sometime. It’s okay”
he murmured, slowly rocking her side to side “you’re okay.” A few moments
passed in silence and she muttered a “thank you” which made him laugh out loud.
She broke the contact off “what’s so funny?” she asked unsure of what it was he
found so amusing. He smiled and said “nothing really. I’m sorry I shouldn’t
have laughed! It’s just that I never expected to be thanked by you ever and it
caught me off guard.” She didn’t say
anything and simply turned and walked away from him. He felt a pang of empathic
sadness and let out a silent sigh. “If you need anything just…let me know
okay?” he asked slightly concerned, she waved her hand at him dismissively from
behind the couch where she’d thrown herself. “Oh and one last thing” he called
out as he was leaving and she groaned “anybody ever tell you, you talk too
much?” “I left you some chocolate cake in the fridge” he said simply
“goodnight” and she heard the door close and his footsteps down the hallway as
he left. She just laid there staring at the ceiling with tears in her eyes and what
looked like a small smile. © 2017 PenwhillAuthor's Note
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Added on December 17, 2017 Last Updated on December 17, 2017 |