Rape Isn't The Issue

Written in 2005 for a future newsletter I want to create to inspire, encourage and, sadly, to earn money.

Rape continues well after the actual event. That's right. Each time a person remembers the act of being raped, they are allowing the rapist to victimize them over and over and over.
    Think about what goes on in your mind when you think of being raped. The fear, the helplessness, the supposed guilt of having put yourself in jeopardy. Sexual abuse continues in one's head, flourishing in the guise of self-victimization. It is relived with each rehash, every self-recrimination, every damn tear and thought of taking your life. Victimization continues every time you are afraid to venture out into a situation, setting or environment similar to that of the rape event. It can continue 10, 20, 30 years down the road--lasts a lifetime. But don't allow yourself to be further victimized. Don't.

When we--yes, we--allow the memories of a rape event to prevent us from realizing our goals because of fear, shame or despair, we are allowing the rapist and molester to further victimize us. It serves no positive function. I can't stress enough that you MUST put up your hand and stop that replay of the past. You must lift your head and say "I've had enough. It was not my fault, and I will not allow that monster(s) to also rape my future, denigrate my sense of self-worth and strangle my self esteem."

I don't care if you did get into that car when you shouldn't have. I don't care if you were dressed sexy. I don't even care if you stood butt-naked in the middle of a crowd of men. No is no.

Change the way you think. Tell yourself that you are no longer a victim but a survivor. Reclaim your life--for truly it is not lost--and put the rape event in its proper place, in the past. Leave it there. You can't change what has already happened. Think afresh. Repeat to yourself that you did not deserve what happened.
    Survivors are the foundations of life. From them we learn strength and perseverance. Hold your head up high and be proud that you yet are here. You are in a unique position to share your experience with others (when you're ready). Allow the event to strengthen you, if for no other reason but that you came out of it alive. Wounds can heal. Allow it.
    As a survivor myself--and it took me a couple decades--I know you can overcome self-victimization. I cried and did the whole woe is me routine. All that heavy lamenting did NOT make me feel better about the rapes or my life. It gave me an excuse not to live my life and provided zero tools to resolve my feelings of inhumanity. I stayed bogged down mentally, sexually and spiritually. I spent a lifetime of feeling sexually ugly and inadequate. I shunned intimacy.
    It wasn't until I decided I could not--would not--live like a hermit or scared rabbit forever that I reclaimed my right to live in the world, to be responsible to self to live as normal as I choose.
    You did nothing wrong. Not a damn thing. So hang in there, you will free yourself. You must.

Author's Note

Definitely would like any suggestions on how to improve this article. I would like to know if you found inspiring and if so, to what degree? Does it sound sincere? Compassionate towards victims (target audience)? Any advice, comments or overall encouragement will be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reviewing!

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A strong story. Your advice is wise and necessary. I agree with you on the point. Children must be taught young to understand the bad in this world. It is terrible but we must educate them young about bad people. My daughter at 7 years old was approached. She ran like hell and screams.(I told her to do this) Many neighbor chase the man away. Your words need to be read and listen to.
Coyote