Invisible

A Story by Katie

A day in the life of one lonely teenage boy and his struggle to accept the fact that to everyone else, he is "invisible".

Invisible

A cold wind blew autumn leaves down the street. Dull brown and shrivelled, they moved in an ungainly dance across the grey tarmac and concrete. Occasionally the wind would increase and they would spiral briefly up to the heavy, lowering sky before dropping down again to resume their previous movements. But one leaf was lifted higher than the others and it fluttered against the windows of one of the houses for a few seconds, where it was seen by a boy standing on the opposite side of that window, before it too dropped down to join the others again.

The boy shivered. He lay down on his bed and pulled up the covers. Warm, comforting darkness closed over his head and he could just see his right hand, palely luminous in the dark. He used the index finger of this hand to trace bleakly familiar letters on his sheet.

My name is Seamus. I‘m 15 years old, and I am invisible…

“Seamus! You’ll be late for school!”

He pushed off his blanket and trudged into the bathroom, catching a glimpse of his face in the mirror as he did so. As usual it wore a lost yet wearily hopeful expression, and then it was gone and all he could see was the stark whiteness of the opposite wall. Another day had begun.

Outside, the wind increased it’s speed and the leaves moved more urgently. Many of them clumped together in groups, some chased each other across the ground with a paperlike rustling sound. And one leaf, one solitary red leaf, was not blown with the others but instead became stuck in a clump of grass by the roadside, while the other leaves blew over the top of it and left it behind.

“Can’t you clear up these leaves?”

Good morning to you too Dad, Seamus thought to himself.

“Look at them Seamus, they’ve blown all over the garden. You could make a start on them when you get back from school, a bit of exercise would do you good.”

Seamus said nothing, which seemed to irritate his father further.

“And since we’re on the subject of school, when was the last time you did any revision? Your prelims are coming up, and after that your exams. If you want to do well like your sister and go to university, you’re going to have to start applying yourself. Your mother and I are sick of your attitude.”

Seamus remained silence. Silence was safety, a weak form of self-defence.

“Well, are you leaving, or do you want to miss the bus?”

Take your cue and leave, Seamus.

“Bye, Dad.” He made for the door.

“Have you got your homework?”

He didn’t bother to reply as he left the house and wandered down to the bus stop. All around him were groups of friends, twosomes, and even the people who were walking alone were talking on their mobiles. Seamus walked among them, surrounded by people but at the same time completely alone. His father’s comment about his sister had hurt, as it had been intended to.

Seamus’ sister had always been the pretty one, the outgoing one. When she had been home, the house had been filled with her friends. There had always been the sound of laughter. She was the clever one too, had come top in all her exams and was now studying medicine at university. She was the golden child, the one who did everything right.

Now that she’d left…

Well, Seamus knew his sister was everything he wanted to be and everything he never could be. He sighed, and then looked quickly down at the ground. And that was when he saw it.

One leaf, one beautiful red leaf that stood out from all the others. It was caught in some long grass and as Seamus watched it lifted slightly and then fluttered back down. Seamus smiled and tucked the leaf carefully into his pocket then continued his lonely walk to school.

Before classes, and during break, Seamus had a place where he would stand every day and watch people pass by. It was in a corner of the hall, next to the lockers. It was there that Seamus had spent his last four years at school when he wasn’t in class, just standing quietly, unnoticed. It was there he stood today, with the usual feelings of dread and weariness building up inside him, with just the merest flicker of hope.

Hope that today would be different.

Hope that someone would talk to him.

Hope that he wouldn’t have to go through his entire life like this, the invisible boy who stood in corners, waiting for something to change but knowing, deep down, that nothing ever would.

What’s the point, he thought bitterly. Why bother hoping? I’ll always carry on in the same old way. Things don’t change. Not for me. Ever. He stared fiercely at the opposite wall for a moment, then lowered his head again as the bitterness faded away, leaving only his depression and loneliness to keep him company. Biting his lip, he stared at the floor as he remembered, as he did every day, the moment when he’d first realised he was invisible.

It had been close to Christmas, about a week before the end of term. Classes were far more relaxed and during one physics lesson, everybody was handing out cards. Two desks across from Seamus, a boy passed a card to his friend.

“Can you give this one to Seamus?” he asked.

There were two Seamuses in that class.

“Okay”, said the boy’s friend, then strolled casually across the room to where the other Seamus was sitting and dropped it on his desk, with no idea of what he’d just done.

Seamus remembered going home and sitting in his room crying. He didn’t mind not being given a Christmas card " he was used to that- it was just the fact that without being told, the boy had known which Seamus could be counted a person, given a card, a symbol of friendship of belonging, and which could not…

That had been three years ago and the hurt still hadn’t faded.

What have I done, thought Seamus now. What did I do to make myself like this? I’m a real person, I exist, I’m standing right here!

A sly voice spoke up in the back of his head.

You exist. You’re standing here. But you’re invisible.

“No”, he whispered, but he knew, inside, that it was true. He bowed his head in weary acknowledgement.

Yes, I am invisible. Probably I’m just a mistake that God or whoever made, so they covered up their mistake by making me invisible. Thanks for that.

He felt in his pocket for the leaf as the bell rang for the first lesson. He ignored it and stared down at the leaf. It’s previous red beauty had faded and it was now dull brown and faded. Just like the others. He let it fall as a few solitary tears wandered down his face.

The leaf settled against the cold floor as Seamus trudged off to class, as the rain began to fall and the leaves outside were swept into clumps by the flowing water. Soon Seamus would be sitting quietly at the back of class, getting his books out, handing in his homework.

Because that was what invisible people did.

They carried on.