Rainy Days

A boy comes across a girl who wants to kill herself.

    The rain was coming down herd enough for it to sting a little, and as Seth walked away from his suddenly broken car he was thinking that he wasn’t going to find anyone to help him. “You don’t need your phone,” he muttered to himself, mimicking his mom, “you’re just going to the store.” He readjusted his hood and sighed.
    It was not the kind of day associated with a nice walk, with the wind occasionally picking up and pushing him back a few steps and streaks of lighting flashing through the sky sporadically. He figured he would cut through the park and try to get to the payphone outside the restrooms so he could find someone to pick him up. He was cold and wet and annoyed and in no mood to stay outdoors any longer than he had to.
    While he was walking past the little pond in the center of the park, he saw a shadowy silhouette on a bench, or at least he thought he did. It was hard to tell. He approached it cautiously, unsure of what kind of person he’d find sitting alone outside on a day like this.
    When he got closer it could see it was a girl. She was soaked to the skin, her clothes appearing to be painted on and her hair looking stringy. He walked around to see her face and to get her attention. He tapped her on the shoulder and she looked up.
    “Hey, my car broke down. Do you have a cell phone I could use?” Seth asked, his voice raised so it could be heard over the wind. She didn’t speak for a minute, and just looked up at him with wide eyes. He waited for an answer, feeling awkward, until he looked down and saw a spot of what looked like blood on her pants and a pair of scissors in her hand. He backed up.
    “Wait,” she said, her voice sounding frightened and nervous even though she was practically shouting. “I need help, I… please.” She pulled up her sleeve to expose a thin, long line of blood on her forearm, as well as a few shorter pink scars. “Please…” she whispered. Taken aback, Seth contemplated for a moment and then sat down next to her.
    She would have been a pretty girl if she didn’t look so disheveled. Her eyes were blue, but the kind of blue you don’t see everyday; clear and bright. At that moment though they were bloodshot, and had it not been raining he would have seen the fat tears dripping off of her chin. She looked a little too slim and a little too pale.
    “So talk to me,” he said, taking the scissors out of her hands. She looked down at the blood flowing freely from her skin and shook her head. “You should put pressure on that.” She folded down her sleeve and put her hand over it.
    After a silence that seemed to last forever, the girl spoke. “I don’t want to do it anymore,” she said quietly. Seth had to strain to hear her. He didn’t really know what to say at first.
    “Why?” he managed.
    “It’s too hard. Everything is too hard.” Her shoulders shook a little as she sucked in a breath. “I’ve just had enough.”
    “That’s no way to think,” Seth said.
    “Well it’s the way I think.”
    “Well,” he continued, “if you aren’t willing to work through the hard times you’ll never be able to appreciate the good ones.”
    “What good ones?” she cried out. “I don’t remember the last time I wasn’t depressed. For years it’s been waking up and wishing I hadn’t. For years I’ve thought ‘why bother working towards a future? I’ll just kill myself someday anyway.’ And I’m sick of it!” Once again, Seth found himself struggling to find words. He couldn’t fathom the idea of not wanting to live anymore. There was so much more to be done. She looked to be about the same age as him, 18, and how can someone give up so soon?
    “You can’t give up now. You have so much life to live. Depression can’t control you. It’s just a state of mind.” The girl laughed sarcastically. Seth noticed the rain starting to let up the tiniest bit.
    “That’s the problem. No one understands that depression does control you. It sucks the enjoyment out of everything. I don’t eat, I don’t talk to people, my boyfriend left me because I was too much for him to handle. I didn’t even want to have sex anymore. There’s nothing left to enjoy.” The girl was not crying hard enough for it to be noticeable despite the rain. Her whole body was trembling and her breathing was ragged and shallow.
    Seth was getting a little frustrated. He was a nice guy but very blunt, and he believed a person’s life was what they made of it. He didn’t believe that some stupid chemical imbalance (if it even exists) was enough to ruin someone.
    “Well don’t you want to enjoy things again? Don’t you want to get past this?” he offered.    
    “It doesn’t work that way. I’ve been trying to ‘get past this’ for years. It doesn’t work.”
    “Well you obviously aren’t trying very hard.” The girl’s head snapped up to look him in the eye. She looked angry all of a sudden.
    “You know what,” she growled, “never mind.” She grabbed the scissors from Seth’s hand and started to walk away. Seth, growing even more frustrated, watched her walk for a second before realizing what she would probably do when she was alone.
    “Wait,” he said, jogging to her. He grabbed her shoulder when she didn’t stop and she spun around.
    “Why wait? You’re going to tell me what every other person in my life tells me. Stop telling me it’s all in my head, stop telling me that it’s something I can overcome no problem,” she screamed. Seth thought she was done but she kept going. “Stop telling me I’m stupid, stop pointing out my flaws because I know them. I think about them all the time. Stop telling me I’m irrational and immature. Stop stop stop! I can’t stand being alone like this anymore, with no one who supports me, I hate being alone.”
    When she stopped she looked as though she had spent all of her energy. Then she started to sob and fell onto her knees in the muddy grass. Seth kneeled down beside her and took the chance of putting his arms around her. It just seemed like the only thing to do. She buried her head into his chest and just cried.
    “Look,” he said, “I’m sorry. It’s just hard to understand I guess if you haven’t gone through it.” She nodded and pulled her head away.
    “It’s hard to explain. All of these emotions just take over, and it’s out  of my control. I get sad and angry and I do things I wish I didn’t and I pick fights because I hate being the only one who’s ever upset. There is no support. There is no help for someone like me. It’s too late.”
    “No it’s not. It’s never too late. And I’m sure you’re not alone, there must be someone who wants to help you.” She smiled and shook her head.
    “I told my only friend I contemplated swallowing a handful of pills once and then she told me about the date she had that Friday. My parents never helped, although it’s not like I can let them know how crazy I am anyway. My boyfriend left, as I said, because I’m too much to deal with. The love of my life and he couldn’t even put up with me.”
    “I’m sorry.”
    “So am I.” She put her head back on his chest and shook it slowly again. Seth held her, unsure of what to do next. When he woke up this morning he had never though that he would be sitting in the grass in the rain trying to comfort a suicidal stranger.
    He noticed that the rain had practically stopped. He looked down at the top of the girl’s head, feeling her shaking from the cold and from the sobs she was still trying to hold back. Seth was feeling kind of cold himself, but he decided it wouldn’t be right to move until the girl did first.
    Eventually she did. She pulled her head away and looked up at him, her blue eyes shimmering. “Thank you,” she whispered, “for listening to me. No one else does. I feel like some of the bad feelings were attached to those words and now they’re getting washed down the gutters with all the rain.
    “So does this mean you’re going to be alright?” he asked.
    “No, it doesn’t. I don’t think I’ll ever be okay, but I suppose I can try to be at least for the rest of the day.” She pulled up her sleeve to examine her cut. It was hard to imagine someone being able to do that to themselves. It wasn’t bleeding as much, although he could tell that she needed to tend to it soon or it would become a big problem.
    She stood up and Seth followed. She wiped her eyes with her palms and picked up her scissors and then placed them in his hand.
    “Thank you,” she whispered again, and turned to walk away.
    “Hold on,” Seth called out after her, “what’s your name?” She ignored him and kept walking into the gray horizon. He thought about chasing her but decided against it. There was probably a reason she was ignoring him.
    He looked down at the scissors, which gleamed despite the lack of sunlight. He put them in his jacket pocket and turned to walk the other way towards the restrooms, and to the payphone. He knew he wasn’t going to mention today to anyone, but he also knew he was going to read the paper the next day to look for the mysterious girl. He just hoped he didn’t see her.

Author's Note

This is a first draft. Unedited. Not sure how I feel about the ending. I'd love some constructive criticism