Selfish

I've learned my lesson

Find a lock, swallow the key,
This precious gift belongs to me,
I tried to share but it got broken
By pointed words so bluntly spoken,
I taped it up just like before,
But it's not the same anymore,
For now on I won't fall apart,
'Cause no one else can have my heart.

:::::

Courtney Shaddock

Author's Note

Constructive criticism?

Reviews

[Tony]

I don't criticize beauty in writing.
This is Excellent.
....I taped it up, just like before, but it's not the same, anymore....
For a cereal fiend, you are a great poet.

[melissa]

nice flow:)

[.Bunnie.]

^.^ I think it was cute, actually! Flowed beautifully.

The ONLYYYYYYY wee teensy weensy little suggestion I could make which TOTALLY doesn't even matter...but if I was to really pull a suggestion out of my arse...would be this:

"I taped it up just like before,
But it's not the same anymore,"

I don't know if it has something to do with 'counting' or what-not, as people have mentioned numerous times to me before and admittedly I do NOT understand, but the second line in that just sort of ends abruptly...it's almost like it needs one or two more beats (words) in the line to make it flow well with the line before it.

But irregardless, I think the whole piece entirely was great! Fantastic job! :D

[lollypop]

It grabs your attention from the opening line, and it makes you think. Nice job.

[holyspirit1]

i like it its short and sweet and right to the point good job