Silence

It was a hard night so I got it out the only way I know how.

This silence.
This awkward silence.
This painful silence.
This numbing silence.
I don’t like it.
It’s just a reminder.
A reminder that something’s wrong.
Something is amiss,
and it hurts just as much as the silence.
But I won’t say anything, no,
because when I do, I just make it worse.
I hate that.
Why can’t I learn to say the right things?
Like you do.
But then again, you don’t quite get it.
Changing the subject isn’t fixing it.
The feelings still linger.
The wasted apologies hiding between the lines.
You act as if nothing has happened,
but I can’t.
Do you even notice that something is wrong?
Or are you only pretending?
Just like I am.
Well stop. The solution hurts,
But so does the silence.
This awkward silence.
This painful silence.
This numbing silence.
And when the silence ends,
when the silence is gone for good,
I’ll be able to smile again.

:::::

Courtney Shaddock