Delilah

The greatest feeling known to man...

Drink in hand I wait at near the bar. I have the perfect view of the room and the door. Chatter floods the room and I breath in second hand smoke. Slow music plays in the background, echoing out of the stereo set, and I listen. I listen to every beat and every chord waiting. Just waiting. For her. Delilah.
Suddenly, a door creaks and heels clack. I hear every movement and see every detail of her. Delilah
When she walks into the room... my hearts stops. My head spins, my body shakes, my palms sweat, my limbs stiffen and my lip quivers. When she walks into the room... it kills me. It is the best feeling known to man.
She walks slowly, and eyes follow her as she walks in my direction. Eyes eagerly stare at her fine figure and fierce attitude. She walks... left foot, right foot... she sways her hips as she walks across the room. She looks at me. Not just 'looks at me' but LOOKED at ME and our EYES met. Delilah.
Closer and closer... left foot, right foot... her rich brown curls bounce with every step, and her blue eyes glow with delight. Oh Delilah, Delilah. You looked right at me... our eyes met. You came close and you LOOKED at ME...
Delilah...
You kept walking. You attention quickly averts from me to him. HIM. He who stands tall and proud, he a man with power and confidence... something I do not retain. Delilah.
Why must you love someone else? The thought sickens me, it depresses me, it kills me. I want to rip out my eyes when I see him hold you, stuff my ears with acid when I hear you tell him you LOVE him and I want to blow out my brains at the thought... the thought... of you in bed with him. Delilah.
I love you. It hurts. It aches. It kills. And yet, it is the best feeling known to man.

I came to see you. You came to be with him.

Delilah.

Author's Note

This is not usually the kind of story I write but I thought I would have a go. What do you all think? Give any and all helpful comments!!

Reviews

[B30]

I am just in awe and just blown away! Great detail and I like how you described not only her but yourself, with every bit necessary.

'My head spins, my body shakes, my palms sweat, my limbs stiffen and my lip quivers.'.

I also liked how you grabbed attention around the setting, and the thought of 'I like you, but you liked him' sort of thing. It was relatable to most crushes and just so well-written. It was just so astounding!

[Pearlie]

Oh stop it you, you are spoiling me! I'm so glad to read that!! Thats exactly what I was going for!! You are too lovely thank you so so so so so so so much!!!

Of its not a bother could you read my other story too? I only have one other one! Also, you are always welcome to flick read requests my way and I will review as many as possible!

[B30]

Wow thanks too :D

Yeah I will read the book. And I have nothing to say about the read requests, I'm just revelling. A thousand thanks ! :)

[Pearlie]

Ahah its ok!!!

[bethashworth]

I liked this piece. To be honest, I think your writing style is different and I like that.

I had great visuals throughout, and I did feel quite emotional for your character in the end.

Good work!

[Acropolix]

The unusual topics make for inspiring stories. Well written!

[Lushan]

Wow..... Your writing of the visual aspect is very good. i am placed in the space and moment very effectively. i don't, however, read this as a story; it actually reads more like a poem. look at the words and phrasings again. See if you can't move things around a bit, like:

You kept walking.
Your attention quickly averts
from me
to him. HIM.
He who stands
tall and proud,
he a man with
power
and confidence
... something I do
not retain.
Delilah.

Why must you love
someone
else?

The thought sickens
me, it depresses
me, it
kills
me.

What do you think?

[Pearlie]

That's what I was thinking when I wrote it but I thought I would be too long is all.

Thank you very much!

[Lushan]

Always go with your gut. Always. You can edit in post but your initial instinct is ALWAYS onto something good.