Black Water

Black Water

A Poem by Eileen
"

[Edit] Looking back, this really was a nice piece. I changed it a bit and removed some errors and beat breaks.

"

When you think of water,

You see the clear purity that of you drink.

You don't see the dark water sitting so still on this black sea.

I find for my reflection, but all I see is your face, your smile, stuck in mine.

It makes me sick,

Though how free I am, your image is still forever sealed to me, and my thoughts.

I hold my glass tight, nearly enough to break, and dip it into your waters.

Small lights dance abound me, crying, and begging not to drink.

Whispers float to my ear of the dangers it will cause me.

I drink none the less.

I felt weak, like when you left.

I take a sip more.

Enlightend.

Filled with lust and joy.

Though it quickly fades.

Tired of emotions, just wanting it to be over with.

I die slowly as the snow white cloth dips into the murky water.

Eyes opening and closing slower and slower.

I loved you.

You did this to me.

Thank you.....

© 2012 Eileen


Author's Note

Eileen
Edited. I think this is much better.

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Featured Review

Love it! It's powerful. This, this "water" is something more than just water. it means a lot, and your words are intricately woven, clearly not as a mistake. I don't see how you could not admire your own work when it's this good. The story behind what you wrote is not in my knowledge bank, which creates many, many ideas in my head, and I'm in love with the way you created this. The beginning is relating to the reader, asking questions without the obvious question marks everywhere, and in the "have you ever" style, wow, i really like this. "I tae a sip more. Enlightened. Filled with lust and joy. Though it quickly fades." LOVE. Awesome write.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I really like this one, the title is what made me want to read it. I don't see why you don't like it though, its a flawless piece! The meaning is very strong and the wording is powerful. Good write(:

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Powerful.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Love it! It's powerful. This, this "water" is something more than just water. it means a lot, and your words are intricately woven, clearly not as a mistake. I don't see how you could not admire your own work when it's this good. The story behind what you wrote is not in my knowledge bank, which creates many, many ideas in my head, and I'm in love with the way you created this. The beginning is relating to the reader, asking questions without the obvious question marks everywhere, and in the "have you ever" style, wow, i really like this. "I tae a sip more. Enlightened. Filled with lust and joy. Though it quickly fades." LOVE. Awesome write.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Stats

286 Views
3 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on February 15, 2011
Last Updated on November 12, 2012
Tags: love, water, posion, heart, light

Author

Eileen
Eileen

MI



About
Hi. I'm Eileen. I'm 16 and a junior in high school. I am an artist, a past passion of mine was writing. Thought I am currently more involved in the visual arts. I play guitar, flute, ukulele, a.. more..

Writing
Ok. Ok.

A Poem by Eileen