Short Story [Une]

A very short story that I had made as a roleplay sample. Enjoy.

Eve walked the streets of Chicago, contemplating on what he should do next. The prison guard only gave him his clothes and nothing else. He figured he could sell them for money, but what would 5 bucks get him? Nothing. Exactly.

He glared at the faces that judged him under their eyelashes. His red-brown eyes smoldered as he took in the city, trying to ignore the people. He hadn't seen any more of Chicago except what the window of his old jail cell presented him. And that definately wasn't much. It angered him now more than it ever did thinking about jail. Eve had been convicted of abusing a woman. His insanely jealous ex-girlfriend lied to police saying that Eve had hurt her. He was sent to jail without a second take.

Eve's fists tightened at the memory. He could tell you everything about that day, right down to what color the policeman's eyes were. Those eyes mocked him. As he clipped on the hand cuff's, the man's green eyes drowned in its power. Eve wished he could meet that man again; he'd then go to jail honestly- for murder.

Autumn's merciless wind clawed at Eve's face, tearing him away from daydreams that involved the policeman's blood. He tucked in his chin and hid behind his long mahogany hair. The coarseness of it tickled Eve's face and he shook his head, as if trying to clear his mind. A crimson leaf chased its shadow next to Eve's feet. He watched it; mezmorised. It could so easily forget about the world and just have fun dancing in the wind. Forget the troubles, forget the pain, the deciet, the anguish. Just free your exhausted mind to the intoxicated pureness of the wind. Almost as fun as dancing in the rain.

Eve sighed, full of hopelessness. How was he ever going to get back into his old life? Jail ruined everything for him; his parents weren't speaking with him, his friends moved on without him. And his ex-girlfriend left the country, making it extremely irritating to make her life miserable. Eve rubbed his temples. He needed to stop with the vengence, getting revenge wasn't going to solve anything.

Maybe this was a good thing. He could start over! Isn't that what everyone in the world wants? A fresh start? And here Eve was- whining and carrying on when he could be having a life. Maybe if he looked to the bright side of things and forgot everything of his previous life- he could have a newer, better one.

Eve sat on a near park bench. He stared at the leaf that had stopped dancing, planning his new and improved life.

 

Author's Note

Sorry about the low quality, it was like 2 in the morning.
;D
Heh, heh.
-�ve

P.S. The pictures that go along with my short stories are supposed to be the characters, OK?

Reviews

[maffw]

Ye, I go with what all the other critics here said, it being good and all that, but I'll add some of my own thoughts too, such as: does the story really finsih there, or am I missing the end bit or something? What I mean is that the main story is quite angry, very full of unquenchable emotion, and is carried on a very hard hitting tempo. But the ending, for me, is out of place, out of context to the rest of the story. Just sitting there, pondering on the thought of life improvements. Don't get me wrong, I like it, but I just feel that not enough time has passed yet for Eve, from feeling so angry (and quite rightly so) and then so suddenly he is content to just sit and watch the wind thrash about the leaves and think on his life improvements. I'm just gutted that it ended there. I was quite happy following Eve around, in his stinking temper. I didn't expect his sudden switch of emotion.

[S. Allison (Ferrante) S..]

Good use of adjectives...great imagery.

[Bhavya Kaushik]

hmmm....I really liked it :)
short but so strong and the imagery was also very appealing..
Great work :)

[perfectlymetiKulous]

What a lovely write.
I don't know if you cared about spelling errors, but in the oft chance that you might:
mesmerized, deceit, vengeance

The imagery was fantastic.

[Katelyn Stuart]

That was really good!
I loved it, very descriptive! (: