Stone Butterflies

 

My soul has quivered in anticipation

As your fingertips lightly brushed over my skin.

My body has trembled in exhaustion

As I gazed up at your face, holding our newborn.

My stomach has jumped with butterflies

As you give me that look from across the room.

My senses have exploded in absolute pleasure

As your arms enfold me while making love.

 

But now the quivering anticipation has turned to dread,

The trembling exhaustion has become merely sorrow,

As the butterflies turn to stone and sink to the pit of my stomach.

The explosions no longer pleasure, but the sounds of my world,

Rocked and devastated, crumbling around me,

As I envision those same arms holding somebody else.

Author's Note

first draft...

Reviews

[kinza adil]

''As the butterflies turn to stone and sink to the pit of my stomach.''

beautiful.

and i truly hope this hasn't really happened; i can imagine the pain.

[BrightNeonBrilliancy]

Aw fudge man, my face has turned into one stony visage as I am stumped at the end of that rather moving ballad. Lurrrrvvvin it :) Good job, dude!

[E.V. Black]

God, so sad. If this really happened, I'm truly, terribly sorry. I've never been in a relationship, but I know that it's extremely, profoundly painful to lose the one you love the most. My condolences.

[MidNight]

omg....that.hit.me.rock.bottom...i.feel.pained.
you.went.through.the.whole.charade
first.love,,family,,then.timely.love..and.then.finally,.
right.at.the.end,when.you.think.things.wont.be.too.bad..
the.let.down..betrayal...thank.u.so.much.,sucha.good.write

[Alya Usman]

Woah! Nicely written.

Although, i don't understand why you've highlighted certain letters.

[Lauren Beth]

Wonderful first draft, I see no need to change it. I really like how you go from such joyous memories such as holding your newborn to what that life has become..very moving and something I think a lot of people can relate to, I know I can. I could feel the "stone butterflies" in my stomache. I know the feeling well. Great piece.

[Sorry Infamous]

I enjoyed this. I liked the high lighted " I am dying inside" It's very raw. For a first draft this is very well written. I like how you captured the different stages in a relationship the hope and the dread. The only thing I would maybe change the second time around is the title. I don't know why but this piece seems like it deserves a stronger one.

[Save the Trees, Save th..]

o wow that is really good u left alot up to the readers imagination. no need to make a second draft...this one is absolutely flawless

[poetic soul]

well written...

Regards,
Poetic Soul

[An Open Venue]

I feel for you.
To love so deeply that all these memories still stand firm
as your are helpless to stop the unraveling... )hug(

I like the implanting of "I am Dieing Inside" it was very affective.

Ven