War

War...absorb the swords before the floor is torn and worn, form of the norm informs the dorm of this spiritual warfare. Fear that they don't care anymore, and sure as the shore meets the sea, can't ignore a righteous king and the dreams of destiny..friction building within the tendency of a monarchy, cramming democracy down the throats of the enemy. No sympathy for the weak who speak the speech of speed, no needs proceed from the stream of technology's scream. Ode to the future, an apocalyptic fusion of a past life's dream and a means that seems useless. Abusive to these losers who knew the truth and used it, its approval isn't useful leaves the truant's duties dormant...tormented floor is torn before the swords are absorbed.....WAR

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I don't get all of this, but there's lots of it that's gut-level true & relatable. It seems like you're using rhyme in a haphazard way (not criticizing, just observing), as well as consonance & assonance (similar word sounds grouped together) . . . this gives your writing here a hint of the "rap" sound but the rhythm doesn't come across as evenly as "rap" usually does. All in all, your message is originally stated and thought-provoking. I like that the reading of it has an upbeat sound despite the overall dark content. To a certain extent, this feels more like word play than actually crafting a powerful message. To add more intensity, maybe it would be good to weave in more sensory description -- how does it feel, how does it sound, how does it taste, how does it smell?

[Payton ThaProphet]

In this piece here I was kinda just using rhyme for the sake of rhyming. I enjoy playing with words and syllables. As far as content goes, I don't really think when I write. I kinda go into a trance and I feel like a spirit washes over me and sort of blurts out a message through me. That's why I have been given the name prophet. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, It brings me joy that I finally found a way to get my writing to the public.

[Coyote Poetry]

I liked this poem.
"Ode to the future, an apocalyptic fusion of a past life's dream and a means that seems useless. Abusive to these losers who knew the truth and used it, its approval isn't useful leaves the truant's duties dormant...tormented floor is torn before the swords are absorbed.....WAR"
The above lines are honest and true. I wonder will man know peace when everyone is dead? Thank you Payton for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Emily]

I just love that first line!
Keep it up!!

[Payton ThaProphet]

Thank you for reading :)

[Nwang]

War is gruesome, the defeated as well as the victor lose a lot.
I like your style of writing, there is a certain flow, its like a river. Each droplet different but part of one entity. Truly enjoy reading your work sir.

[Payton ThaProphet]

Thank you for reading it. I am so glad I found a way to get my writing to the public. I love the way you describe it, that's exactly the way I feel about it. On some of my pieces I try to make the syllables trickle down exactly how you describe it. :)