Barbed Wire

The barbed wire

Of a fence

 

Rusted metal sticking

Out

 

Sharp pricks of pain

 

If you try to walk by

 

Red hot scratches

When you pass

 

Throbbing scabs

Left over

 

 

-Why do you do this to yourself?

 

It hurts, I know it does

 

But believe me when I say

That it’s not worth the pain

 

It’s not worth the fence

 

And it’s definitely not worth hurting me. 

Reviews

[Natasha]

pretty good word usages and descriptive words!

glad at the end there was a conclusion of what the "character" was going through

i felt the last two lines though lacked emotion and fell a bit off though

[Pawprints]

Yeah, I agree. I've been struggling with getting the endings right. Any suggestions?

[Natasha]

my suggestion for this poem would to actually just omit those two sentences, i think it has a nice ending that way

[Pawprints]

Thanks :)

[rnuff]

powerful imagery here,
Deep as well. Nicely expressed

[.]

~ wow... extremely powerful and poignant poetry...
~ and, what an image...

[Pawprints]

Thank you :)

[.]

~ you're very welcome... :)