What Happened To Our Eterntiy

It wasn't easy for me to open up again.

To unlock the locks that bar by heart.

But I felt like we could be amazing friends.

That we'd be eternal, that our paths would never part.

At first I was right, this silly fantasy of mine.

We were close, shared secrets, shared lives.

But life's not easy, it was a matter of time,

Before our forever had slipped right by.

You left me in the dark, lonely and confused.

I didn't know why you had left me.

My ignorant heart had been bruised.

If only you'd turn on the light, allow me to see!

What had happened to our eternity?

What had turned me into the enemy?

Who has turned you away from me?

Why is anger now all I see?

Now you're gone, off with our friends,

Happy, without me, a useless piece of trash.

I still can't belive this is the end.

I'm sorry that this just didn't last.

Too many times, I my heart sent,

To people who I thought cared.

But they sent it back, torn and bent.
Another tearful night I cannot bear.

I wear a smile to keep you from seeing,

The pain I feel so deep inside.

That tears apart my very being,

And casts all my hopes aside.

So now you know what we've done,

In attempting to be friends.

I miss you and had a lot of fun,

But I guess you want this to end.

 

        - by Pauline Marie Daley

          Jaunary 13th, 2008

Reviews

[Bennett Logan]

I like where you're going with this, and here's why: anyone can relate to getting into a relationship after being hurt before, only to get hurt again. If there's something worth writing about, this is definately something. I only have one suggestion.

In your above poem, the narrator tells of the many general details of his or her bout with a relationship ending suddeny and without closure. I can relate completely. Most can. But here's what I was thinking... Make this poem uniquely yours. Take a specific memory from the relationship: a scent, a moment, a meal, a kiss, an argument, a vacation, etc..., and use its specific events to tell your story of lost love from a completely personal perspective. It creates a completely new experience for your reader since they can now see the experience through your eyes specifically.

Otherwise, this is good. It's a personal experience that I certainly hope never happens to you again. I hope my above suggestion can be of some use. Have a good one, Ms. Daley, and definately keep up the good work.

[Phil Sanders]

Another charming and well written poem ....