The Plan

He drives a hearse
Says it keeps him off the streets
Plus, he has an empathy with death
His dog died
One time they brought this woman in
He started jumping up and down
The ex-wife, sheer elation
Sadly it turned out to be somebody else
But he phoned just to check
He answered
She was fasting
Still trying to get down to that ideal weight then
I’ll phone back in three years
One phone slammed down
It’s always the little things that cheer you up
Someday he thought
They would both come in together
Actually made the job worth doing
But for now
He would tenderly prepare the ex-wives body double
Tonight he would get back to his book
Titled
How to get away with it.

Reviews

[Dave Brown]

this all sounds too smooth and rehearsed
do you drive a hearse

[Paul Bell]

I would love to drive a hearse, it would give the police another car to chase me in. lol

[barleygirl]

Your irony feels like the heavy weight that most people secretly carry around! Love the part about being elated becuz he thought he saw the ex, even calling to make sure! The fasting, the ideal weight . . . all that is purely humming with the irony of people doing what people do. You have a special balance of coming down on people for their foibles, but not coming down TOO HARD! *wink! wink!* Fondly, Margie

[Paul Bell]

She was a nice girl in a weird way. lol

[Betty Hermelee]

This is another hilarious mixup of people done in a great manner of storytelling... the hearse driver himself, the mix up of ex wives, his attitude, etc... and the ending, which is a good one!
I love your writing, so clever an funny, it cracks me up! Maybe you should be a stand-up comedian.
Best, B

[Paul Bell]

I think hearse drivers would need to be funny to do their job. I would probably forget the body. lol

[Betty Hermelee]

Yes they would definitely need a sense of humor!