The Brits

British people hate foreigners.
It’s nothing personal.
They’re just not British.
Brits go abroad to try the local cuisine, and get a heat.
This will last one day.
The second day they’ll put tomato sauce on everything that moves.
This includes the food they bring with them.
Brits abroad will search out the British pub.
This is called the Irish bar.
Brits will lie in the sun for twelve hours.
Suffering first degree burns.
Convinced the next day they’ll be golden brown.
Brits abroad are easily recognisable.
By the Manchester United strips they wear.
Though they don't actually live in Manchester.
Brits abroad dislike other Brits who live in the next town to them.
Brits abroad will give strangers their last penny, or kick the crap out of them.
Brits abroad will tell anybody listening.
Britain gave the world everything.
From the Steam engine, to the Beatles.
Plus winning two world wars.
Foreigners will shake their heads  in total disbelief and agreement.
Then think to themselves.
How the hell did they do it.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I went to London in 1977. I was told the British people were boring. I went to a Clash concert and I learn. The Brits were wild and crazy. They were kind to me. I liked to drink then and the Brits liked a fellow drunk. I did many trades in war with the British soldiers. They had alcohol in Saudi Arabia. I traded them for the drink. I would fight side by side with the Brits. Damn good soldiers. Hello Paul. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry and your thoughts.
Coyote

[Paul Bell]

Yeah, the Brits are far from boring, we love the night-life. The British soldiers always admired their American brothers in action. We share that crazy negative attitude, that rifle never works when I need it most.

[Coyote Poetry]

I had the M16A2. Didn't last long. A little dirt. Didn't work too Paul. I read poetry at Hyde park three times. I was a supply Sgt. in the Army. The British soldiers knew. I could get anything. Hello from Michigan and you are welcome my friend.

[Betty Hermelee]

The real Brits are exactly how you described them, and its so quirky and gauche. I’ve seem then nude like beets on a Thailand beach, which according to the Thai, they are not allowed! Besides being hilarious you have pinned them perfectly....accepting or not, probably not! So funny,
Best, Betty

[Paul Bell]

We're all waiting to hit the world again, beware.

[barleygirl]

This is acerbic & hilarious, filled with high-imagination, but also drawn from everyday life! I couldn't help noticing your tone of acceptance . . . not Brits being accepting, but you being accepting while meting out this virtual lambasting. I don't think anyone in the USA could write about their fellow people in as accepting a tone. Your attitude toward unaccepting others is a rare drink of fizzy water (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Paul Bell]

Don't Texans think their superior to every other state.
I like New Yorkers, they're as rude as hell, I blend right in. lol

[VelvetPotato]

I feel like I can tell if person is British before they even speak. It is just a look. Maybe the Brits hate me, but i love them. Their humor cracks me up more than anything, and The Beatles changed the world. So thank you, you antisocial Brits.

[Paul Bell]

Yeah, we're very easy to spot, usually on ground trying to get up. lol. Really shouldn't speak about myself like that.

[duff]

This is stunning poetry because it permeates my recollection of living abroad and the Brits wit and sense of humor many don't get. I miss living overseas. It seems simpler although we all have future teeth to grind. Great writing.

[Paul Bell]

We're easily recognisable abroad usually advising the locals how to drink in bulk. I miss those days.

[duff]

Cheers. Nothing like a pub.

[Gee]

Pubs ain't pubs anymore, gone the pool table, darts board, dominoes and cribbage, the snug, 14:30 closing on Sunday dinner so that in 2 1/2 hours as much drink as possible gulped so that opening time in the evening could be met still pissed. Those were the days...sigh

[Paul Bell]

I know, it's a new generation of the sensibles, I never thought it would take off. Apart from that they can't mark a darts board.

[.]

I believe you have described yourself quite well, Paul. It's the imperialist past that sweats from your pores and pervades everything. Just remember it was both Joan of Arc and Henry the 5th that gave the Beatles their bucket clipped mop top hairstyle, so in that regard Britain and France are equal! I enjoyed your humour in this one. It's good not to take ourselves too seriously, especially in regards to national identity. :))

[Paul Bell]

Definitely, strangely enough I was watching Joan of arc the other day, and after watching it I realised that history is full of betrayal.

[Gee]

I try to find holiday destination that are not frequented by "us", sad eh !
Hope you are well Paul

[Paul Bell]

Whatever you do, don't mention where. lol

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

I found this very informative and funny too. Lots of fun facts about the British here. We were once a British colony. I went to a British school. 😸

[Paul Bell]

I knew it, the British has rubbed off in you. You do know you could probably sue them for this. Being habitually sarcastic to your fellow man. (That's probably, fellow person now.) Jumping for joy when you get dumped. I'm sure you could win your case. Do you like tomato sauce.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i feel loved and hated here
I think I'll have a drink but abstain
I don't like some people who live in the next town
or state or states away
but they are family so I have to like them
even Love/hate them
I am shaking my head...I feel my brains rattling
I better stop/go quite writing, keep writing
figure out how the hell I am doing what I am not doing.

j.

[Paul Bell]

You have just filled in the application to be British in triplicate. A Manchester United football strip is on the way, plus a bottle of tomato sauce to flavour your cornflakes. Keep an eye on the people from the next state though, know what I mean.

[emmajoy]

Wit? Comedy? Fact or Fiction? Cynical of themselves or the Others? You know, Paul.. I've wondered the same too.. but haven't the courage to.. ' 'Brits abroad dislike other Brits who live in the next town to them.' Call it clanning in spite of anything plausible!

[Paul Bell]

We are a funny lot us Brits, a bit parochial at times, but that's part of the charm. We do like our sauce. lol