Dandelions

She drinks herbal tea.

Goes foraging in the woods at the weekend.

Wears weird clothes.

Tells me if I pass her 27 point plan I can go to bed with her.

Something told me I was never passing that plan.

She suggested I go with her on Sunday morning.

Told her I went for a long run on Sunday’s which ended in the local café where Mandy had my full English waiting.

She said Mandy was killing me with animal fat.

I know but what a way to go.

You should be eating dandelions she said, that would take you down to 26 in my plan.

I’ll probably marry this mad girl just to find out what’s in this plan.

She noticed I had cut my leg coming back from a run.

She had the perfect remedy for cuts, it consisted of applying a weird gunge.

Is this me down to 25 now in your plan, nurse.

Did you eat your dandelions.

No sane person eats dandelions.

That put me back up to 27.

She told me sometimes she goes naked in the woods.

When you say sometimes, what do you mean.

Maybe this Sunday morning.

Can you not make it Saturday, you know Sunday is a tradition, Mandy would be devastated.

Will Mandy be naked.

No, but she serves my recovery breakfast.

So, breakfast is better than seeing me naked then.

No, but it’s tradition, you can’t mess with tradition.

Well then, it looks like my 27 point plan stays in place then.

What if I eat a dandelion just now while you get naked.

It doesn’t work that way.

What if I meet you around ten on Sunday and then I can go for a proper breakfast.

That would be playing fast and loose with me and Mandy.

What if, what if, say I.

You’re overthinking, I’ll be naked on Sunday, 11 o’clock.

Sunday run, beautiful breakfast waiting.

Mad girl naked in the woods.

You can’t mess with tradition.

Mad girl naked in the woods.

Mandy, preparing breakfast.

My God, you can’t mess with tradition.

Why are you running into the woods.

You have broke with tradition.

Okay, why is mad girl not naked.

Why are you not naked and who are those weird people carrying baskets.

They’re my foraging friends, this is what we call naked foraging.

You said you would be naked at eleven o’clock.

I am naked, what part of naked foraging do you not get.

The part where you’ve got clothes on.

So you just assumed I would be naked and willing.

Yes, I have just broke with tradition, the least you could do is get naked.

Okay then I’ll get naked.

You can’t get naked with all those people around.

Make up your mind, do you want me naked or not.

Yes, why don’t you come back to my flat.

I’ve got a better idea.

Does this idea consist of me eating anything.

Strangely enough it does.

Right, give me the bloody dandelions.

I don’t think Mandy cooks dandelions.

What’s Mandy got to do with it.

She’s cooking up my free breakfast.

Why would Mandy be cooking you up a free breakfast.

I’m sure Mandy will tell you when we get there.

Reviews

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

It's dandelions today. Hollyhocks and cockleshells tomorrow lol. The things one's got to do to get them naked and laid. Get her some blackberry root bark tea!

[Paul Bell]

I know, what happened to vodka and coke. Women are so picky now.

[John Cardwell]

That was fun! I wish it was a chapter and not a poem. I'm dying to know the other 26 points in the plan, how does she hold sway over Mandy, do they get married, and what's for breakfast? :)

[Paul Bell]

Don't think the poor guy ever got the points down, but he's a tryer. Turned out Mandy was her long-lost sister.

[John Cardwell]

Aha! Cool.

[Inessa]

Life can so stressful! Lol. Choice, choices, choices! Not surprisingly the prospect of seeing the naked female form wins out over any traditions and gastronomic delights. It's the female superpower and with it we control your minds and bend you to our wills! Lol. A very humorous piece, Paul. I'll pass on the Dandelions, too, I think.

[Paul Bell]

Is that why women are so powerful. lol

[barleygirl]

This is truly the most far-fetched & long-lasting argument I've ever seen that's masquerading as some kind of a pick-up scenario!?!?! You should apply to be the Trumpian strategy man . . . this sounds about the same as the topsy-turvy drivel we get from this prez. It's all about grievances. These two seem to be communicating as if everything the other one does/says sparks some kind of grievance. I'm so sick of life being portrayed in terms of never-ending back-and-forth grievances. But your little story is very true-to-life & symbolic of our grievance politics! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Paul Bell]

Margie, don't dis the Trump, your beloved leader, man of the people. Wait till sleepy Joe gets in, he'll start talking on the Monday, and he'll still be at till Friday. You would have thought the virus would have got rid of the old duffers. America needs young blood to get back to prosperity, maybe a quick war for distraction.

[barleygirl]

You have nailed my main malfunction, my man. I absolutely HATE that we keep getting these geriatric relics from a different era as our choices for prez, going clear back to Hillary . . . can't we let go of the past?!?!?! Don't get me started!

[Paul Bell]

Oops, grab the wine and don't stop till November.

[barleygirl]

At the moment, I'm more into snorting wildfire smoke, as you can see from the maps I posted this morning . . .

[Paul Bell]

You doing ok, they keeping the fire at bay.

[barleygirl]

I have complete faith in Calfire. It's an amazing firefighting machine we have here!

[Paul Bell]

Good stuff, I was panicking the fed ex guy couldn't get through.

[Betty Hermelee]

Back to the 60's where anything goes: nudity, eating plants, mantras, you name it! I think is is a riotous poem, very witty and indicative of an era; The banter back and forth between you and and "mad girl" and throwing in tradition with Mandy, who serves up pancakes, bacon, muffins, etc which loses points...very clever write Paul, just had to read it a few times and laughed each time. all the best, Betty

[Paul Bell]

Wish I was around in the sixties, they knew how to party.

[Betty Hermelee]

Yes, a very unique time!

[Betty Hermelee]

Hey Paul, take a Peek at my first story posted, COOL JOE!

[Coyote Poetry]

I loved the complete poem Paul. I am a herbalist and I use the roots of the dandelions for many cures. She was right. Eating dandelions will make you feel better. Thank you for sharing the outstanding tale.
Coyote

[Paul Bell]

Am I right in thinking you can make coffee from dandelions?

[Coyote Poetry]

Not coffee. Tea. Can buy in the stores now. A cleanser for the body and relax the mind. Native American been using for many moon. The roots. They are the healers. Some people eat the flower.

[Paul Bell]

That girl was brighter than I thought.

[Coyote Poetry]

I liked those wild forest girls. They didn't trust me. Herbalist woman are the wildflowers in our world.

[Troy Henson]

Wonderful imagery and depth. Thought provoking in the sense that we must live in the now and what comes from our decisions....well it is what it is. I know we can plan for the future but do we get caught up in whats potentially next?

[Paul Bell]

I think we sometimes forget to actually live in the day, everything is always tomorrow. Probably why the years fly by.

[FJ Davis]

Kept my interest, throughout.
Get the feeling, though, that this is not exactly journalistic poetry; more, wishful thinking.
Would love, however, to be wrong about that; Mandy and Mad Girl, together, appear to be
a lovely way to spend the evening.
Amusing read, Paul!

[Paul Bell]

Definitely not journalistic, but definitely wishful thinking.

[Gayathri]

Appreciate the imagination....
The mood is fresh with woods, dandelions, nature...
The flow is engaging.. Can i expect a sequel for this?

[Paul Bell]

It is traditional. lol

[jacob erin-cilberto]

there's nothing like the comfort of that we already know...but to risk it for a possibility...that is when we cast fate to the wind...and run naked ourselves, skipping breakfast just to see what might be for lunch.

commitment before the fun...yes. commitment before the fun...Paradise by the Dashboard light.
engaging and thoughtful as are all your writes.
j.

[Paul Bell]

So true, what's around the corner should stay there.

[adornoscousin]

This was great! The 27 point plan is genius and something many people can empathize with. Your poem is hilarious but is not a joke..it manages to hit at something very human and resonates. Well done.

[Paul Bell]

I can see every woman putting this into practice.