The Valentine Present.

Darling I’m thinking of getting implants.
Right fine, I was going to the garden centre today, we can go together
No silly, breast implants.
You already have two breasts.
I want bigger ones.
How much do they cost.
Eight thousand pounds.
What, four thousand a breast, are they gold.
It’ll be worth it, and you are a breast man.
For that price, I would expect a lifetime subscription for Farley's Rusks.
You wait till you take my bra off.
That’s another thing, a new wardrobe.
Think of it as a Valentines present.
Wouldn’t you like a ring instead.
No, I want bigger breasts.
I want a bigger dick, but I can’t have one.
Well actually you can, darling.
Not for those prices.
No, the surgeon says he can take a bit of fat off my breasts and insert it into your penis.
What, you’ve been discussing me with the surgeon.
Yes, seemingly it’s the rage.
Oh! I don’t know, seems a bit Frankenstein to me.
Just think, you could be walking about with me inside you.
That’s another thing, you’re always complaining about your breasts.
Only when you grab them like rugby balls.
I get excited easily.
Why don’t we go to bed and discuss it.
Oh! no you don’t, before I know it you’ll be getting a nose job.
Look at my breasts darling, now imagine them bigger, can you see it.
All I can see is pound signs.
Put that extra large penis inside me, how are you feeling now.
I’m feeling poor.
You’re not looking properly, visualise me taking my bra off, you’re getting erect, you can’t take your eyes off them. What do you see now
My god it's amazing, I can see it now, do you think I can dip my rusk in your milk.

Reviews

[lakinbob]

All my missus got was a box of own brand chocs and a bunch of slightly wilted sell by date flowers from Morrisons.

She seemed happy enough. :)

[Paul Bell]

But was she, you never know what's lurking in women brains. Mind you, 8 grand is a bit extreme, and that's just this year.

[lakinbob]

Nope, you never do know, but I stopped trying to figure that one out before I even started trying to figure it out. Never been one to bash my head against a brick wall.

[Paul Bell]

Wonder if that's what Banksy's really doing on those walls.

[Gee]

Just back from hols, seems every Russian bird has to date a man older than her dad, have plastic tits and a trout pout...God only knows what they see in the rich old fuckers :))
Enjoyed the read Paul.
Hope all is well with you

[Paul Bell]

I know what the rich old fuckers get out of it. That big yellow thing in the sky, how is it.

[Gee]

A distant memory now, have been back since Friday morning :(

[Paul Bell]

Denis will be pleased to see you, batten down the hatches.

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahahahaha just gotta laugh ... shake me nog .. and walk away ... too funny! i truly enjoy your humor sir ... "..its all the rage.." she says ... oh my! well .. i have heard it said that in any relationship there needs to be a little give and a little take :))))))))))))))))))) your lady seems a corker sir! and she must be allowing your poetry .. Happy belated Valentine's Day :)
E.

[Paul Bell]

I can see the day you pop into the supermarket and get a tummy tuck, then do your shopping. Must be a poem there somewhere. lol

[Einstein Noodle]

that's a pouch for me beer sir! that's why its called a six pack :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Einstein Noodle]

and yes .. i think it so common in .. say California .. there are 6 surgeons per block ... why not a kiosk at the Mall??? its a different world isn't it Paul

[Paul Bell]

Give me the six pack anytime. Where's your Valentines poem.

[Einstein Noodle]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa burp! :)))))))))))))))) its in a milk can on the table

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and that poor bride of Frankenstein.....although it was actually the Monster's bride...i remember Elsa Lancaster as she woke and saw her mate.
breasts and other things aside...she weren't too pleased was she?
I hope these two wouldn't wake up screaming after the surgeries...:))))
i like Dean Koontz' version of Frankenstein...but yours is funnier.

[Paul Bell]

Got a feeling the surgeon is on the hotline for emergencies.

[barleygirl]

I'm pretty forgetful, but I swear you've already done a dialogue about breast augmentation before & so I conclude you must be big-boobie fixated. This read like I've read it before, until I got to the penis augmentation part (I, on the other hand, am penis fixated) so that's where I sat up & started paying attention. I am one of these people who would not do any kind of surgery, except to save my life, so I'm totally with you & your spoofs on such nonsensical body refurbishing! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Paul Bell]

This is my re valentine present Margie, you're not going mad. lol