The Straight Lesbian

You’re probably wondering why I’m phoning you.
It’s a hello call.
Not exactly.
You’re having a lesbian baby.
No, but I am single again.
Don’t tell me you dumped that man woman.
Mary was the love of my life.
She was a brute, she would give Tarzan a run for his money.
Never mind that, do you remember when I was finding myself.
Remember it well, I was entering, you said, I think I’m a lesbian.
I know, it was bad timing, but you taught me a lot.
So I did, my CV now reads, think you’re straight, I’ll change that.
How would you like to do it again.
Okay, you’re beginning to worry me now.
No, I realise you can turn people, you have a gift.
What do you want to turn into.
I want to be a straight lesbian, sort of.
I would love to help, but I’m in a relationship.
That’s okay, I can wait a week or two.
That’s quite funny, see, only lesbians can make jokes like that.
I know, I think you can relesbianise me.
Are you on drugs or something.
No, I liked being in bed with you, you never done anything for me, but I appreciated the effort.
Gee thanks, I’ll update my CV. Think you're straight, I’ll change that, you’ll be a lesbian tomorrow, with straight tendencies.
See, that’s what I like about you, you’re never bitter. You did say it was a battle to get me into bed, now I’m offering myself on a plate.
I appreciate that, but how does this make you a reborn lesbian.
That’s simple, I won't enjoy it with you, then I’ll realise what I’m missing.
Do you mean you’ll fake it.
Yes, but you won’t know.
I won’t.
No, I’ll dress provocatively and make all the usual noises.
I knew this would happen someday, the twilight zone would come along and take me away to a place where fairies would serenade me with
tea and biscuits. Okay, just realised, that's an old folks home.
Okay girl, let’s get faking.

Reviews

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

Well Paul, you rarely leave me without a chuckle! Are you seriously considering the nursing home because women tend not to care so much about loose morals there and figure they better get in as much sex as possible before they leave with the mind set that ...eh, Im old and cant be held accountable for my wandering wiles or mind? LOL or are you saying you are a straight lesbian? LMBO! laughter is a great med Paul! Ty!

[Paul Bell]

I think the girls in the old folks home don't know what a neutral gender girl is, so this means I'm in with a shout. lol

[barleygirl]

One of my favorite responses to my recent "gay" poem was about sympathizing with today's youth becuz all this sexuality & identity stuff has gotten so much more complicated than when we were young. It used to be so simple. If you wanted to f**k one gender or the other, just do it, don't worry about whether this means you've jumped the rails or what. Your poem here reminds me of how ridiculously complicated it has become to establish & declare one's gender or sexual identity. GEEZ! In this way, I take this poem to be a spoof on how some people keep track to a ridiculous degree, as far as defining another person's life by who/whatgender has been partaken of! *smile* (Oh, that was her "lesbian" period!) Fondly, Margie

[Paul Bell]

What the hell is going on in the world, it's like everybody's got a handle now. Well, except straight people that is, we're now considered weird.

[gram linski]

haha, what a conversation, did you, did she, was she fantasizing, about lady tongue or man meat, had a laugh when I read this, respect, sorry man,

[Paul Bell]

She's finally found the one, though the phone is at the ready for emergencies. lol

[Mrudula Rani]

I love your conversational poems, they are brilliant, exceptional. The good natured ribbing is supreme... How nice it is to have a confidan that ( even goes to the extent of giving sexual induction ) one can pour ones heart out to !!

[Paul Bell]

She's a good girl, well now that she's decided she's neutral gender that is. lol

[Mrudula Rani]

For now she is neutral,....

[Beccy]

Rather bizarrely, this sounded as I read it, pretty much like a conversation that could easily take place between friends and perhaps slightly uneasy bedfellows.

Not sure what motivated the write, but it is interesting.

Beccy.

[Paul Bell]

Just a guy helping a friend out. lol