Suzy Q. Part Two. The riot.

                       Suzy Q. Part Two.

                              The Riot.

                                   Justin.

Is in bed having a nightmare. He sees Suzy at the end of his bed wearing thigh length boots with killer heels and not much else, except a whip.

                                   Justin.

My God, woman you can’t wear those boots on that floor, it’s sensitive material.

                                   Suzy.

Is climbing onto the bed.

                                  Justin.

See’s her long nails and can’t contain himself.

Silk sheets, you’ll damage the sheets, they’re Japanese.

                                  Suzy.

Don’t you want me, Justin.

                                 Justin.

Of course I don’t you mad woman.

                                 Suzy.

Then begins to whip Justin.

                                  Justin.

Wakes up screaming.

                                  Nadia.

Is expecting a parcel. Doorbell rings. Nadia opens it and it’s her mum, who doesn’t recognise her.

                                  Mum.

Hi, I’m looking for Nadia.

                                  Nadia.

Takes off her face veil. It’s me mum.

                                  Mum.

God sakes, Nadia, you joined a harem now.

                                  Nadia.

No, I’m respecting myself.

                                  Mum.

Nadia, you’re at college, you know, sex, drugs, rocknroll. If the boys can’t see your face you don’t get a date.

                                  Nadia.

I don’t want a date, daddy said when the time comes he’ll find me a nice boy. Where is he anyway.

                                   Mum.

The last I saw him he was in bed with Mrs Iqbal.

                                  

                                    Nadia.

Was she ill.

                                    Mum.

God sakes, Nadia, yes she had hypothermia, he was keeping her warm.

                                    Nadia.

My Daddy, so considerate.

                                    Mum.

Strike me down, they were having sex,

                                     Nadia.

What, Daddy doesn’t have sex anymore, he told me so.

                                     Mum.

Doesn’t have it with me, he was always tired, now I know why.

                                     Suzy.

Is trying on a little hot number, she’s going out with the girls after work. What do you think, Martin, sexy or what.

                                     Martin.

Fine, and walks out the flat.

  Suzy.

Is bewildered, any other time he would be tearing her clothes off. She is frantically scrutinising herself in every mirror. Somethings wrong, but what.

 Issy.

Nothing could be better at Issy’s, or could it.

Issy is doing her Yoga routine to music, and occasionally chanting to herself. I am beautiful, I am beautiful. And just to confirm her findings, gives herself a quick glance in the mirror. Do I look hot or what. Then she spots a frown line and shrieks in horror.

 Martin.

Is in the Medical centre.

Looking up at the wall, he notices all the information, and the pictures that point to his condition. He picks up a leaflet and this confirms it. Martin’s in dreamland now.

Tannoy announcement.

Would Mr Quinn make his way to room 2, where the doctor will check out his erection problem.

Waiting room is in fits of hysterics.

Martin, comes out of his trance with a jolt.

                                   Reception.

Mr Quinn, the doctor will see you now.

 Martin.

Opens the door to find the doctor is a woman.

You’re a woman.

                                   Doctor.

Tell that to my boyfriend.

                                    Martin.

I know you’re a woman, but you’re a doctor.

                                    Doctor.

Yes, I can even vote now. So what seems to be the problem.

                                     Martin.

The words won’t form into a coherent sentence.

I’ve got it now, but it’s never got it before, and I think that’s the problem.

                                     Doctor.

You’ve got what now,

                                     Martin.

I’ve got equipment problem sort of.

 Doctor.

Right, got you now. You’re not saluting, rising to the occasion, growing in stature, growing at all.

                                  Martin.

Is shrinking in size.  Yes.

                                 Doctor.

So, at the moment you couldn’t satisfy me, I mean your wife.

                                  Martin.

Eh, no.

                                   Doctor.

Is your wife demanding.

                                    Martin.

Very.

                                     Doctor.

So, you would say seven days a week is to much.

 Martin.

Four days is to much.

 Doctor.

You’re struggling with four days.

 Martin.

Yes, I’m knackered.

  Doctor.

Right, I see what our problem is.

  

 Martin.

You do.

  Doctor.

You need to detach yourself from all forms of sex. Don’t look at my breasts.

     Martin.

I wasn’t looking at them in a sexual way.

     Doctor.

Why, is there something wrong with them. Do you think I need implants.

      Martin.

No, I’m just detaching myself.

       Doctor.

Right, come back in a week and see how I’m getting on.

        Justin.

Is at the bar drinking coffee. Issy joins him, looking at the optics checking her frown line.

 Justin.

You okay.

 Issy.

Why, don’t I look okay, can you see anything wrong with me.

 Justin.

No, you look great.

   Issy.

Great, great, is that it. Two hours of yoga, skin peel, nails, make up. Do you see anything  different about me.

   Justin.

Have you changed your hair.

Phone rings. Justin answers, it’s his mum. Hi mum.

   Mum.

Hi Justin, how you doing.

   Justin.

Fine mum.

  Mum.

Hows Mary.

 Justin.

Eh, we split up mum.

 Mum.

How do you expect to settle down if you can’t keep a girl.

    Justin.

She just wasn’t the one, mum.

                             

     Issy.

Is listening now.

     Mum.

Do you want me to visit.

    Justin.

No, mum, I’m taking my new girlfriend out tonight.

    Mum.

That’s nice, what’s her name.

    Justin.

Eh, Susun, Suzy, mum.

    Mum.

Well try and treat her right.

    Justin.

Okay, mum, need to go.

 Issy.

You taking Suzy out tonight.

 Justin.

Metaphorically speaking.

 Issy.

Aw, mumsy wumsy doesn’t know Justin’s a oncey.

 Justin.

Is that a frown mark on your forehead.

Issy is off running to the mirror.

 Nadia.

So daddy lied to me, fed me bull, made a fool out of me.

  Mum.

Made a fool out of us both, honey.

  Nadia.

Right, mum,we’re going to hit the town, crack a spliff, throwback whisky rocks, get bludgeoned.

  Mum.

You don’t get out much, do you Nadia.

 Nadia.

Going to make up for it today, mum.

   Suzy.

Enters the bar, and her mood is not good.

   Justin.

How’s it going, Suzy.

   Suzy.

What do you mean.

   Justin.

I mean, how are you.

    Suzy.

How do I look.

    Justin.

Great, I mean fantastic.

     Suzy.

Do I look different in any way.

      Justin.

Changed your hair.

       Suzy.

No.

   Justin.

Yoga.

     Suzy.

Only fairies do yoga. How do my b***s look.

     Justin.

I don’t know.

     Suzy.

Grabs Justin’s hands and thrusts them into her breasts.

The gays in the bar are fainting.

    Justin.

I don’t know, how are they supposed to feel.

     Suzy.

Firm dopey,are they firm.

      Justin.

I need to go lie down, what is wrong with you two.

     Martin.

Is walking home and all the Billboards are of scantily clad women. He reaches the outside of his building just as Nadia and her mum are coming out.

     Nadia.

Hi, Martin. This is my mum.

      Martin.

And who are you.

     Nadia.

It’s me Martin, your neighbour, Nadia.

     Martin.

Eyes are popping out his head. What are you doing to me.

      Mum.

Who’s that.

      Nadia.

Suzy’s husband. I think he’s a sex maniac.

       Mum.

Is getting excited. Is he.

       Issy.

Is serving at one end of the bar. Suzy’s at the other end. An old lady walks in asking for Justin.

       Suzy.

He’s in the back, who are you.

        Old Lady.

I’m his mum.

  Suzy.

Oh great I'm Suzy, I’ll go get him.

  Old Lady.

You’re Suzy, Justin’s girlfriend.

 Suzy.

Just about to open her mouth, but Issy gets in first.

  Issy.

Yes, they’re an item. Lovely couple. We’ll just go and get him for you.

   Suzy.

This better be good.

    Issy.

She phoned this morning, asking about his love life, and it seems he’s not going out with Cindy Crawford anymore, dumped her for you.

     Suzy.

Well, the way he threw himself onto my b***s earlier I can see why. I better go and get him.

Justin Darling.

    Justin.

Go away.

     Suzy

Justin darling, your mums come to visit you.

    Justin.

What, oh hello mum, what a surprise. This is my mum, Suzy.

      Suzy.

I know, Justin, feel like i’ve known her for ages. The way Justin talks abouts you, mum. You don’t mind me calling you mum.

    Justin’s Mum.

Oh, Justin, does this mean what I think it means.

      Justin.

Just Suzy’s little joke, mum, you know I’m to young to settle down.

       Suzy.

Takes off her wedding ring, then points to her engagement ring.

        Justin.

Grabs her hand to hide it.

          Suzy.

Justin, darling, you know I’m going out tonight with the girls, is it okay to take 50 pounds out the till.

       Justin’s mum.

Suzy, 50 pounds won’t get you a good night, take a 100.

        Suzy.

Mum, you’ll be giving Justin nightmares.

      Justin’s mum.

That’s okay Justin, isn’t it.

         Justin.

Forcing a smile. Yes, you have a great time darling.

        Suzy.

Back in the bar. Clive and Dom come in. Clive’s bandaged from head to foot. A loud cheer goes around the bar. Then the jokes begin.

Saw you on the telly, Clive, you were smashing. Loud laughs. Feel your pain man. Any rumours Clive, you’ve joined the charity group, Band  Aid.

   Dom.

Is getting annoyed.

    Issy.

Turning to Suzy. There’s going to be trouble here.

     Suzy.

Rubbish. Three cheers for Clive. Hip, hip, hooray.

     Issy.

How you feeling, Clive.

      Clive.

Not to good, up in court next week.

     Issy.

You’ll be okay, just tell them about your cause.

  Clive.

Fathers for justice. They threw me out.

   Suzy.

Start a splinter group. Laughter.

    Issy.

God sakes, Suzy.

    Suzy.

Joke, how is your wife, Clive.

    Clive.

Emigrating to Australia with the kids.

    Issy.

Sure she’ll let you visit.

    Suzy.

He’s Superman, that’s a five minute trip.

      Issy.

You know, you can be a hard b***h.

      Dom.

Has had enough. Will you all just give it a rest. Moves off his stool to protest and falls onto his glass. Blood is now pouring from his arm.

      Suzy.

What is it with you two and glass. Right, Issy put your training into practice.

      Issy.

Excuse me. Points to her outfit. Stella Mccartney.

      Suzy.

Quick as a flash, sticks her hand into Issy’s bra and grabs a chicken fillet she knows Issy uses to enhance her breasts, and promptly places it over Doms wound.

       Dom.

What’s that.

        Suzy.

This is the nearest you’ll get to a woman.

                           

        Issy.

Is in shock. This turns to total rage when a customer remarks.

       Customer.

I thought when you got a b**b job, they done both at the same time.

        Issy.

Bashes him, and then the riot starts.

         Nadia.

Nadia and her mum are passing the bar. Nadia assumes it’s a theme night. This is where Suzy works, mum. Look, there all jumping about. Let's go in, it’ll be a riot. Nadia rushes in.

      Mum.

God sakes, Nadia, it is a riot.

                                 

    The End.

Reviews

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Didn't get to read part one yet but this is so funny and filled with satire. I was a bit thrown by the scene changes at first but after a while it works and I may have done better if I'd read part one first. Love the characters and the wit. This is really very good Paul.

[Mrudula Rani]

The collection of colorful characters will yield an endless chapters for you, to engage us in your witticism.
Nadia leaves me worried; I have a feeling she will become bride of jihadist, thinking it's an exclusive club!

[Paul Bell]

Nadia is going to hit a wild streak as she tries to lose her virginity. The only thing is, she's not sure what sex she's into just now.

[Mrudula Rani]

What will be the title of Nadia's sexual adventures? Will you be featuring a fairy doing yoga in it?

[Paul Bell]

A fairy doing yoga, that could be arranged. Mind you, they're all fairies. lol

[Mrudula Rani]

The little ones with wings? do believe in them.

[Paul Bell]

Okay I foresee a little fairy on her shoulder pointing her in the right direction.

[Mrudula Rani]

Very brobdingnagian ( mouthful isn't) !

[Paul Bell]

Is for a Sunday, Mrudula.

[Mrudula Rani]

Uma abraço bem apertado.

[barleygirl]

You have a handful of wild hairs stuck up your butt & it's causing the most unusual stories to come falling out of your noggin'! This line kills me: "we’re going to hit the town, crack a spliff, throwback whisky rocks, get bludgeoned" . . . and ALL your writing is jam-packed with many more that make me laugh in enjoyment, even if my feeble mind can barely keep up with the fast-paced action! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Paul Bell]

Is this not the usual weekend for you in the sticks.
You women and your hang ups. A little spot and you go mental. Mind you, they're all mental.

[barleygirl]

I have to admit, I've mostly had men pals in my life exactly becuz of this "mental" tendency you speak of . . . more drama than I care for . . .

[Paul Bell]

Broken nail is the end of the world for some.