Mums Advice.

It's lovely outside, I think I’ll go knickerless today.
You don’t want to do that, you might get knocked down by a bus.
Why would that make any difference.
You always have to wear clean underwear when getting knocked down by a bus.
Do you make these things up.
Did your mum never tell you, you always have to wear clean underwear when leaving the house, just incase you get knocked down by a steamroller or such.
My mum said a lot of things, luckily for me I grew up, unlike some people I may add.
Hardly my fault my mum has to come round and cook for me.
Cook, she cuts your sausages, you’re a child.
Sure she’d cut your carrots if you asked her.
Think I’ll wear pants now, you’re driving me nuts.
You’re not wearing white, are you.
Why, does mummy not allow white.
I’m more thinking of the guys in the office.
What, what's it got to do with them.
It’s got a lot, you don’t want the guys glimpsing boring white, put black on.
The guys in my office are too busy to be perving at my underwear.
Guys are never too busy, it's our job in life to check the girls out.
My last boyfriend was never like this.
That’s because your last boyfriend usually wore your knickers.
He just liked the feel of women's underwear.
How is his hormone treatment coming along, is he wearing your bra yet.
Get knotted mummy’s boy.
Talking about mummy’s, I’m taking yours running tonight. Hope she’s wearing the skimpy shorts.
That’s another thing, you told my mum she shouldn’t wear pants under her shorts, why would that be.
Might be something to do with the leg massage I give her after our run.
You are sick.
Your mum’s a cougar. Actually, just thinking about her is getting me hot, fancy a quickie.
Get stuffed, just get me to work without mentioning my mum, underwear, or any other perversions in your sick brain.
Do my best, white pants.
I’ll get you in the car, need to get something.
Nice legs lover, did I glimpse black panties there.
Well, you said it, we need to keep the guys happy, any luck one of them will ask me out.
Well if they do, tell them you’re not available this weekend.
And why would that be.
Cos I’m taking you to Paris.
Maybe I don’t want to go to Paris.
Oh you will, five star hotel, tickets to see that weird female singer you love.
Okay, I’ll need a new outfit, maybe a few outfits. Will I need sexy underwear.
Strangely enough no. Me and your mum bought you some.

Reviews

[Maria]

Love this, great piece of work.

[Paul Bell]

Sort of started raining after i wrote this, and never stopped.

[Maria]

Well, I do hope you continue onward, cause I truly enjoy reading your stuff.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Ok, have you and Ricky Gervais been collaborating now Paul?? No, was it Basil Faulty then??Line for line, shot for shot hilarious! My mom told me the same thing-true Ha! A funny menage-a-trois spouting deft faux-pas back and forth. Did you get my meaning dear? "Strangely enough no......" Brilliant!!

[Paul Bell]

Keep the arrangements to yourself Annette, you never know who's reading these posts. Mummy might come across it, and then i'll need to explain what i'm actually doing with my life. lol. Glad your mum gave that good advice, and you did take it, didn't you.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Hmmmmmmm.....!:))

[barleygirl]

Lately I've been advising some newer writers to pay attention to grabbing the reader's attention in the opening lines . . . now I can use your poem here as the poster child for doing this! *wink! wink!* You are wholly correct in that most men will definitely take a look-see! *smile* Your playfulness is off the charts, as it usually is in your extemporaneous imagined conversations! This is one of my favorites of yours in this style!

[Paul Bell]

Okay Margie, that could be good or bad. Cos for some reason, at least six people have blocked me. Must be the serious ones who got that operation. Funny bone removal.

[Einstein Noodle]

great fun ..fine laughter for all ..and what a relationship they have to banter about with such good humor ..love everything about this .. refreshingly self confident characters says i!
E.

[Paul Bell]

Think they're still together. lol

[Einstein Noodle]

:) ...................

[emily.c.]

fun. I remember talking about that "always wear clean underwear" advice in a psych class a long time ago, and how it reflected your parents advice to be the same person in public as you are in private. this poem reflects that well.

[Paul Bell]

Mummy's know best.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Well this 'close to the knuckle' piece indeed made me chuckle Paul. Good flow and interplay in the 'too close to reality' dialogue!

[Paul Bell]

I think it was close to the knuckle. lol

[Shabeeh Haider]

This brought a smile. What a fine way to talk about things that one would never really discuss in private.
Keep writing.

[Paul Bell]

Shabeeh, where have you been.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Am around, just a bit busy

[Island Hippy]

Aloha Paul, I laughed my way through this, that the snoring thing next to me grumbled and told me to shhh. You're a wicked wicked man Paul... loved it. We all need a good laugh! Izzy

[Paul Bell]

This is just to get you through your pregnancy. lol

[Island Hippy]

Ahahaha.... so thoughtful!

[Workvio]

Apparently, the readership of this site is dead, or has absolutely no sense of humor, whatsoever ... Or else, you would have an avalanche slew of reviews on this clever, witty, delightfully perverted and outrageous piece of poetry that hilariously points out the private matters of our daily lives that most folks would rather never have known, but someone always does, don't they? ... We are to honor and revere our mother's, and our fathers ... But, they are (in my case, they were) real people, with real lives, feelings, emotions, desires, even perv oddities, that make (made) them who they are (were), and if one can't poke a bit of humorous fun at ourselves and our parents (in this case mums), then, some how we have ceased living, and deny them living as well ... Without a bit of craziness, life is a boring lot of rot in a pot, I say ... I enjoyed this bit of insanity posted to webpage ... Choked, on my cookie with coffee, in laughter ...

[Paul Bell]

You've got to have a laugh now and again.