The Bottle

Right I want you to put all your negative thoughts into a bottle.

What sort of bottle.

Doesn’t matter what sort.

Vodka bottle do.

Jesus, yes.

Okay I’ve ran out of room.

You’re so predictable.

Just like you last night, standards are dropping.

That’s because I knew you were coming for a session today.

Think how I feel, all my thoughts in a bottle of Vodka.

Maybe I should hypnotise you.

How do I know you won’t interfere with me, you read about these things.

Take my word for it, I’m going to send you to sleep, then I’m going to join you.

How does that help me if we’re both asleep, you got a bit of telepathy going on here.

Yes, I’m going to put you into a trance, see if we can find you another guy.

What sort of guy are we talking about, I mean, I’ve already hit rock bottom with you.

Well in that case, we should be able to fix you up quite quickly.

I don’t know, what if he doesn’t understand my quirky sense of humour.

He’ll dump you then.

What, can he do that, just discard me, and me a broken woman already.

Afraid so, but then you can find another guy, and another.

My God, I’ll be the talk of the town, my bottle will be overflowing.

Just relax, breathe in, breathe out, stop doing that.

Doing what.

You’re thrusting your chest out, do you know what sort of guy that’ll attract.

Someone like you.

You don’t want to attract someone like me, you want someone dynamic, someone who’ll take you away from all this.

Have you got someone in mind.

Yes, I was talking to this nice chap in the Asylum today.

Why is he in the Asylum.

He killed a snail.

My God, they put you in the Asylum for that.

No, he’s in for using a flamethrower.

What’s the snail got to do with it.

That was the trigger point.

So what happens if I upset him and it triggers something and he goes mad.

It won’t, I told him to put all his negative thoughts into your bottle.

Reviews

[Esteban Morfín]

I liked it very much! Nice writing! It is very confusing, though. I don't think I really understood, but maybe that was exactly your point.

[Paul Bell]

He was her randy therapist. lol

[The Iron Horseman]

Another twisted masterpiece! I don't know where you get these ideas, Paul, but I love them. Thank you for the satirical laugh!

[Paul Bell]

I realised late in life the people i associated with, were not quite like normal people. lol

[The Iron Horseman]

Are there such things as 'normal people'? :)

[Paul Bell]

Bound to be some kicking around. Luckily i don't know them.

[The Iron Horseman]

lol! Me neither!

[Coyote Poetry]

My kind of poetry. Story and amazing tale in the poetry.
"So what happens if I upset him and it triggers something and he goes mad.
It won’t, I told him to put all his negative thoughts into your bottle."
I liked the above lines. I like the ideal of putting our anger in a bottle. Thank you Paul for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Paul Bell]

I think in away, we all the emergency bottle.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are right my friend.

[Island Hippy]

Aloha Paul, lol...that was awesome. You're awesome at these funny sketches. Really enjoyed that, a little bottled wisdom. Izzy

[Paul Bell]

You want to be that girl. lol

[Island Hippy]

Lol... shhh don't tell

[BBP]

LOL.

So basically I only drink to solve my problems.... sounds about right.

[Paul Bell]

Wasn't the drinking that bothered me. It was the Flame thrower you took to work with you. Did you get the pay rise you asked for. lol

[BBP]

no but now I get three meals and a bed for free though!...so still came out on top. lol

[Paul Bell]

Not to mention that fetching orange uniform you get to wear.

[BBP]

yeah exactly, and don't even have to worry about wearing makeup anymore!

[Paul Bell]

I would send you some. Now that i'm away with your sister. lol

[BBP]

LOL! D****t I knew it!

[emmajoy]

'He killed a snail.
My God, they put you in the Asylum for that.
No, he’s in .. .. '

Part frowned, part smiled and.. part wondered at the growing decadence in this quite odd post. Your delivery lures because it doesn't warn which way it's heading;. It makes me smile, even laugh once because i sense tongue in cheek delivery. As to the 'wonder bit, well - that began at start, at end and all through.

There's a sense of the higher plane, almost canned, almost fizzy anticipation at the reader's reaction here!

[Paul Bell]

Think we need a bit of hilarity after today.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i think i'll take a shot of that vodka...or maybe what's inside...
but then, i am already mad.

j.

[Paul Bell]

Only way to be Jacob. Bottle on the way.

[angelina neves]

"Right I want you to put all your negative thoughts into a bottle./ What sort of bottle./ Doesn’t matter what sort./ Vodka bottle do." ...
it is a very sad poem... can see the despair... (hopelessness? - hope not! )

[Paul Bell]

I suppose it is a bit dark. Though i did try and inject some humour into it.

[angelina neves]

you did! But... as i know some dear friends that "put the negative thoughts into a bottle"... i feel the pain (kind of!)

[Valentine]

If you ran out of room in the 6th line, where did the rest of those negative thoughts go? Must of had a few extra vodka bottles! Valentine

[Paul Bell]

Maybe more than a few.

[Marina]

That's some serious plot twist right there. I agree 100% on putting people on asylums for stepping on snails though. And ladybugs. I did a lecture to some people once about it and they were looking at me like I was crazy. Perhaps I shouldn't have been so persistent on asking them to always look down the road after the rain and when the spring arrived. Well guess who's going to the asylum and who's not. I'm getting off topic now.

[Paul Bell]

My god, i'm running towards you wearing my white coat. You are a candidate. You'll like the funny farm though. Now just tell me what your bottle is, and we'll get your therapy started. lol

[Marina]

You can run alright just make sure you don't step on snails/ladybugs. I'll get angry.
Any beer/wine bottle is fine with me.

[Paul Bell]

Ok white coat guys with wine on the way.