I draw you in Five rings of smoke appear like magic Your face on every one Christ how romantic am I Maybe drink a JD in your honour It's amazing how little things bring you to me The phone comes alive halfway through your honour Your soft sexy voice sends a tingle down my spine You say it's over Well, that was out of the blue I draw you in The sign on the packet Smoking can damage your health and eventually kill you So profound I check the bottle of JD No warning on that You disappear into the clouds Every one a silver lining.
I enjoyed that easy intermingling, you do, of habit and relationship, elements (smoke and drink) with body and memory and also the plunking down of a sudden shift or change (the romance is over and it could kill you or you may survive it), one slight step to the left or right, even her voice on the phone at once merging everything together, then cracking open your difference. No warning, and yet you continue to see the connection elsewhere....somehow. Love it. --Melissa
Posted 6 Years Ago
6 Years Ago
It was going so well as well.
But the drink helped.
Ugh, I'm still in the habit of smoking, which I have to quit soon since it reminds me so much of my ex. It has been something that calms me though, through the roughest & darkest days, it is what has helped me keep my sliver of sanity. It's sad how small things can keep someone coming back to your mind, even after you two are no longer together. And yes, how very romantic you are!
I am planning to quit within these next couple days before I start my new job. Hopefully all will go.. read moreI am planning to quit within these next couple days before I start my new job. Hopefully all will go well this time, unlike all the others.
The contrast and word play works well here, Paul. I imagine a man, half drunk, bottle in hand, cigarette loosely between the lips, squiting through the smoke at the bottle’s label. Illusions and delusions from booze and tobacco. Truly enjoyed this one.
I like the cool, casual tone you have used here Paul. Some people do look better as silver linings in puffs of fast moving clouds. I feel almost relieved.
So much memory keeps haunting you until you find a new vice that proves to dissolve the memories and bring the silver lining - and a breath of fresh air - we’ll done :)
I loved the way you expressed your feelings in this poem.You also tried to draw the reader's attention towards the darker side..You are indeed a great poet..The flow that your poem has takes the reader alongwith it..
Keep on writing..
I like poetry and stories that tell me something.
Sometimes the shortest poems hit the hardest.
If I post something serious, don't worry, a funny poem will follow. Don't hesitate to tell me if my po.. more..