Dangling

she sits on a ledge in the rain
dangling her feet
on a monday
she sings a song no one
can hear but her
she used to be a singer
till an evil man in black
took her melody
she holds a book -
a pen writing a love letter
to someone she does not know
the rain blurs the blue ink
it looks like a painting
of the melody she once had
the rain stops
the sun comes out
she puts on her sunglasses
 pulls out a cigarette
the matches are wet
so she holds it
in her mouth unlit
this was her swan song
without a melody
her goodbye letter
without a word
her feet no longer dangle
they are crushed by the concrete
she now lies on
monday morning beneath
a sky of gray
the rain kicks its heels
and washes the blood away

Reviews

[Kerry O'Connor]

I love the three opening lines - they set a whimsical scene so many girls can relate to - the idyllic time before men in black stole their joy. You bring it all back to reality in the last 4 lines...
monday morning beneath
a sky of gray
the rain kicks its heels
and washes the blood away.

Great work.

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

the spell of images you cast here are like momentary flares of color bursting through a sheet of rain and fog~ your imagery is pure three dimensional emotion embroidered magik~

[Sukriti Suki]

It fulfills the purpose of being dark and does justice to the idea it is being written about. I couldn't help but feel a pinch inside..good one.

[ice]

So little words, yet a huge story emerges...a life struggles with death as it falls down the wallface, then lies crushed on the concrete.. even the rain made her unhappy.. never mind the man in black... It seems she killed her self in self defence...your story of her is told perfectly.

[Elizabeth]

the man who took her melody... what a powerful thought. And you carried that theme throughout - swan song... with the double meaning. Idk if that was intentional but I thought it was a really effective device.

[OT]

I love this poem - not the topic ha - but the poem - the way it's written, it all just flows and the words drip over the images - the picture of isolation and poignance, the girl/woman on the ledge - unable to sing anymore, or write her notes, or even smoke - a silent swan song in the pouring rain - what a sad picture - bravo! a favourite!

[TamiViolet]

This one tugs and pushes, dear friend. Despair creates unbelievable pain, pain that many fail to comprehend... Love the images...very vivid...

'the rain blurs the blue ink/it looks like a painting/of the melody she once had'....

The lower case letter were a brilliant technique in displaying the 'dangling' effect... Truly sorrowful yet amazing and soulful...Life is sad, at times, a fact.

[Fran Marie]

A dark, yet creative piece on suicide ~ very well penned

[Stef Outsiders]

wow, this was interesting, dark and sad too. Written really well so thumbs up!!

[Ladysue]

Great title for this piece. I too love the beginning...this is dark, but this is creatively and brilliantly done...

'she sits on the edge of rain' what a fantastic image...

good work...

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

she holds a book -
a pen writing a love letter
to someone she does not know
the rain blurs the blue ink
it looks like a painting
of the melody she once had

what a great metaphor for a love that still haunts her... and you say you are not a poet... you proved yourself wrong again... an emotionally brilliant piece.