Panic Overkill

Many times I wanted to give up 
Slit my wrist
Bleed out the pain
Drift into the white light

There were times when I cursed God
Asking, 'why , why, wasn't I good
 What did I do to deserve this
 Times when I cried so long 
 So hard that my tear ducts became
Dry ,Sahara until 
 There were no tears left

 How much more can I endure
I screamed into the silence
How much longer can I survive on this planet
 Where I feel an alien

You've taken my Mother
 My Father my home
What more do you want from me
 I have little, I am no one 
All I ask for is peace, love
All I get is chaos and hate
Enough to last a lifetime
An eternity
Hell?
This is hell
Daily eternal, infernal
Burning torment, pain

And then-
Panic
Became
My only
Friend
I could always count on her
She came to me in feminine form
I fought her, had some gain 
But as quick as it came
It seemed all in vain
Panic Overkill

Pain
Tears
Alienation
Doubts
Trials and tribulation
It's all in the Book of Revelations
I opened my book and read my life story
The good , the bad the few moments of glory
I gulped for air, clawed back up
'Ms. Panic', I have had enough'
My life
My life?
You have taken over

I enjoyed your company long enough 
I can't live with you forever
I prefer males, no offense
I prefer life, no offense
I would prefer
 No, I demand I insist that you pack your 
Suitcase
And
Go elsewhere
My home isn't big enough for you anymore

So.... goodbye I wish you well
No longer shall I dwell here in hell
With you
My old friend
You have over stayed your welcome
Besides-
Your company is wearing thin

Author's Note

an old poem i had written about panic and depression
i still have those panicky feelings
i still worry about everything and everyone
As the norm ... grammar , format, rhythm ect. is off

Reviews

[MuSe Ampoule]

Wow, this was great! Anyone who has ever lived through something horrific can relate that once that sort of pain, anger or panic grip your life...you spend many, many years dealing with panic that surges up from no where...residual stress that imprints in your mind and on your soul. You piece illustrates this masterfully. Great work!

[OT]

very nice!! the fight from the depths of despair back into the light - "I prefer life, no offence" - struck a chord with me! a cathartic release - and resolution almost - nice!

[Jibey]

This writing kind of burned down the page with intensity and anguish... like hot scalding water... Somehow it felt good to get it all out... and if it had a cathartic effect, so much the better

[Sheila Kline]

So very powerful are your expressions of the struggles that were so much of your life! You indicate this is an old poem so I do hope you have truly been able to say goodbye to much of it! I too can identify with much of which you write, and know it is a tremendous struggle to survive, to accept, to understand why we have to endure so much pain. You have surely had more than your share, and my heart extends a hug to you, with admiration for how far you have obviously come!!
The form you have used especially helps us to understand your deep emotions!

[Jenny Nelson]

Very powerful piece. I can certainly identify. It's a shame we can't get to the
"Your company is wearing thing" long before we do. Well stated.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Faith gets harder and harder to find when you continually have bad things happen to you, loved ones and strangers... I certainly feel you on this one, in fact you could also be talking bout me.

[emmajoy]

Panic written in half time .. not hiccuping along but flowing because of the control you use .. odd under the circumstances. But as always you travel through pain, expose your emotions, then .. after a mini exorcism, you start to take control of your destiny, wave a magic wand, let in the light ..

Not sure if I've got the meaning but right or wrong, your words have really reached inside me. (You)

[SpokenWord]

I have to say that this one is excellent. I saw one misspelling and if there is more I missed it because this was extremely good. I think the flow is good because most of your sentences rhyme and go well together. It is the flow that really got my attention at first, and then it was the words that told the story. I like the format because you make us read slower then you make us read faster as if panic is talking to us directly. Superb write.