Caroline and Samuel

An ongoing story.

The little girl awoke to sunlight streaming through her bedroom windows. A cool southern breeze ruffled the blue chintz curtains hanging on the windows in her spacious bedroom. She set up in her bed and rubbed the sleep from her eyes . The sky was china blue and she could hear the sing-song of the morning birds through her open window. She sometimes wished she were a bird , free, able to fly away wherever she chose at anytime she chose. As she pushed her cover off her small body there was a knock on her door and her Mammy entered carrying her breakfast tray . Her Mammy was a tall slender black woman with skin the color of honey and bright brown eyes . Her hair was in tight waves on her head the hair the color of night . She had been the only Mammy Caroline had ever known .Caroline was a bright child with sunny yellow hair and eyes the hue of a bright summer's blue sky .
" Mornin', honey chile , sit up and eat yo breakfast now ". " 'Morning Mammy , I am not hungry , do I have to eat "? "Now Caroline , chile you has got to eat yo breakfast , if a big puff of wind come along it done gone blow you clean away " she said with a hearty laugh that made Caroline laugh with her . Relunctantly she let her Mammy arrange her tray and lie a crisp white linen napkin across her lap . The tray was loaded with food . Eggs fresh from the hen house , aromatic bacon cooked just right , fluffy white biscuits as light as a cloud and strawberry jam made from strawberries Caroline and her Mammy had picked last Spring . There was a large glass of fresh milk, ice cold . Caroline looked at the food and slowly began to eat . "Mammy "? "Yes , chile"? "What did Samuel have for breakfast this morning "? "Now Miss Caroline don't you go worrin bout what other folks had fo they breakfast , sit up there and eat afore I have to tell yo Daddy ".
Caroline did not want this to happen so she began to eat , slowly but with a little more appetite.

Her Father was not a very tolerant man and never had a kind word for Caroline or a minute of his time . Once, long ago, he had been a kindhearted happy man but when his wife , Abigale died giving birth to his only child , Caroline he changed dramatically .Caroline was more than a little intimidated by him , as were most people who came into contact with him . Still she insisted upon knowing what Samuel had eaten . Finally tired of the question her Mammyanswered, "Chile he had hisself a cold biscuit" . Caroline lookled at the food on her tray and thought how unfair it all seemed to her. She had all this food and Samuel had one cold biscuit for his breakfast .


"What you gone wear today chile" , her Mammy asked as she pushed the freshly ironed crisp dresses from side to side in Carolines closet , breaking Carolines thought's of life's injustices . " Mammy I dont want to wear a dress , I want to wear shorts like Samuel and not wear a shirt like Samuel does " ." Chile , you done lost yo mind you cain't go round half nekkid like the little black chillens do ". " Okay , Mammy , I guess I'll just wear one of the old dresses because Samuel and I are going to play today and maybe go fishing when he is done with his chores ". "Now chile , you know what yo Daddy done tole you , he said you's gettin too old to play with them colored chillens in the quarters ".


There were no children for miles around and Caroline rarely saw any of her cousins unless there was a marriage or a funeral in the family . " I'm finshed Mammy . I am full as a tick on a bloodhound" , Caroline declared . "Chile you aint 'posed to talk that way " her Mammy said and laughed inspite of herself . Caroline loved how her Mammy laughed it was contagious and always made her feel like laughing too . She looked at her Mammy and thought how pretty she was , though different from herself she saw a beauty in this tall slender black woman who's name was Ehster . Her thoughts drifted back to the day that lay ahead of her. Excidely she jumped from her bed and hurriedly dressed , eager to begin her day playing with her best friend in the whole world as she knew it, Samuel .
Most days they walked a long a dusty path that rounded the plantation often stopping to fish in a small creek that ran from the Mississippi . They loved to go fishing and Samuel was good at catching the biggest catfish Caroline had ever seen . More often than not they would end up shedding their clothes and jumping into the murky water in only their underwear , forgetting about the fishing poles and bait on the shore . Caroline kissed her Mammy and ran from the bedroomn and out the front door anxious for her day to begin . She could hear her Mammy calling her name and warning her to stay out of the quarters . Her warnings fell on deaf ears as Caroline continued running to find her best friend , Samuel to see what adventures this sunny day held .

Author's Note

Sorry about the grammar .. if you happen to read this it will be awhile before i can add to this as i have work and a child also this type of writing needs much research for it to be accurate. thanks if you read please leave your comments advice and complaints!Please. i don't write many stories and meed to know if this is worthwhile.
Thanks.

Reviews

[KateJadzia]

I really do like this story.

And I would like to know more about Samuel.

I’m very curious whether Caroline’s father ever finds out and what he’s going to do.

There are two similar characters in my unfinished book. They are having huge problems with each other when they turn 15.

Are Caroline and Samuel still friends at the end?

[Tony]

I was also taken in at the point of 'bacon cooked just right.'
Very nice story, and yes,
we wonder about Samuel now, you know.

[Rossen]

You had me at "aromatic bacon cooked just right"
Reads at a good pace... keeps an easily board reader like me
glued to the write. thumbs up.
Keeper, worth a big push to finish,
Your fan for life.
Rossen

[Samuel Dickens]

My opinion is that you're an excellent story-writer--way better than most, in fact. Your words are simple, effective, and easily understandable. I saw some typos, but you could easily fix those. Now--when are you going to finish it?

[E.H. Monroe]

yeah the accuracy in a period piece is pivotal.
From here the thing can go anywhere. It can be a budding romance. It can be a girl's imaginary friend. It can be a slave escape with her help. The world is open and as of right now the mystery is SO high that this much given in the beginning is a PERFECT place to start. I would want to see more immediately.

What would I do?

Cut the dialogue up. I had to focus to see who started talking when and who continued.
The house has to be one of those vine ladden southern cathedrals. I KNOW you have a mouth for descritpion so of course your audeince is going to clamor for more.

Wanna see where it goes...definitely

[Gary H]

The one comment that will help you most of all is in the dialogue. I think this brings the characters to life and will help you with deciding how to work out what you will 'show or tell.'
I like the voice you use in the story so far and if you do find you are absorbed and writing a lot, I don't mind helping you edit if this helps. As Dezaraye notes, the change of speaker needs to be broken up but at this stage I think you are just compiling pictures and ideas.

[Dezaraye]

I really like it! I like the characters and dialogue.

Only suggestion is to make sure you start a new paragraph every time the speaker changes.

I would love to read more and learn more about this sweet family. :-)

[Magdelena]

I liked it! I found myself getting into the characters and the plot was right on..
I think you have something here if you want to pursue it, I would.. Very interesting indeed..

Mags xx

[Ladysue]

I don't normally read stories, but you are off to a good start with this. The characters development is good. Also the speech I think you got down pat...This read with ease especially for a long story...good job...

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I like the beginning, a great introduction to set up what will obviously be some life lessons... I can't wait to see where it goes.