Red Rum Madness

From an image born

Death, carnage surround
 this eerie quiet that was
as loud as thunder minutes ago

Covering his face  from the horror
from which there is no escape
his comrades  dead or bleeding their
life force into this putrid ground

Why  is he alive while they
lay dead , dying
as he sits there crying

Torrents of tears fall upon the mud
and blood splashing
foulness into his face

He relishes this bitter bile - the least he can do
as he sees, hears moaning  of those dying
taste some of their pain

Why are they dead , dying
why he alive?
He is their commander
he led them here to die

What madness he has unfurled
the loaded gun he puts to his temple
quickly releases, answers, these questions

Author's Note

I am sorry this image is hurtful to look at ... I had trouble with this
a real challenge for me
really don't like the line that rhymes as the others don't...

I changed the name from red mud madness to red rum madness ... red rum, red rum, red rum.... war is much the same as red rum

Reviews

[Iota]

Well you did a good job with it, and the struggle is always worth it. I tried this challenge and I couldn't get anything worth posting to come out. blah!! darn it. I will wait for another challange one where the picture really moves me. I guess I watch too many war movies and am use to seeing it. You did great and I like this write. :)

[An owl on the moon]

My first emotion stirred from The Shining.. Red rum... and I saw how you reconstructed the depth of heart-breaking emotion here... in the loss... in the anguish... in the agonizing pain of wanting to turn the world back around to the right. So powerfully sad...

[Creepy Swine Guy]

I was I could say that this was beautiful. But it is brutal, just as I believe you intended it to be. For there is nothing beautiful about war, there is no glory. What the commercials and the movies tell young men is a bundle of lies.

You have done a brutally efficient, poetically skillful job of making that clear. I see one little tweak that I would make and I will only share it if you ask, as what you have is absolutely sound. My suggestion is just a matter of my own word preference.

Bravo Patty ... well spoken.

[Robbie~xoxo~]

Oh WOW!!..
This is dark and maddening...
Your depiction is not only dramatic, it is brilliant!

You gave me chills, as a writer that is a gift in itself... You have the talent to make your readers feel the emotion.

Compelling work of art!~xoxo~

[Pryde Foltz]

What madness he has unfurled

Murder sanctioned with mass righteousness most often. Well-said.

[writing mojo]

Wow! this is head for the trenches-amazing. The flow of the write is cold heart felt, yet warm blooded with reality, as the instrumentation held in question for the ending. I like this war of mind vs war ode of significance struggling piece. And what duty is in the destine with repeated spirit of such instinct involving consequences, my heart goes out for. Even thou the subject matter is gut wrenching, I am sure the (fallen) would be proud of such tapped in condolences.. amazing piece

[Rossen]

Strong writing here Chloe,
you have chosen great words" What madness he has unfurled"
and "Covering his face from the horror
from which there is no escape
his comrades dead or bleeding their
life force into this putrid ground"

war is Much the same

[JENY]

The message behind the lines….
And final suicide…
It conveys 1000 templates of meaning….
Nice write…

[Devons]

I really like the idea of the title "Red Mud".. although it is not an exact anagram of 'murder', it is clear for all to see, and so is the metaphor.
A very good piece of work you have created here and with a perfect reflection upon the given image. The mood fits the setting created and the message encapsulates much of the feeling of the mechanised barbaric hell that was World War One. The situation described is one that was faced on many occasions during this time I'm sure - this war was most likely the most horrific to have ever taken place; in England it practically wiped-out an entire generation.
The final stanza of the poem is the most telling here. Death, for many, is ultimately the only escape from the psychological maiming of such an experience. A horrible yet poignant image.