Please forgive me

I knew this is how it would end
found dead on a park bench
yesterday's news covering your cold
 stiff body

Was it my fault
I mean, I tried, didn't I
tried to help you
I went to AA meetings with you
I poured your vodka down the drain
even though I got a black eye for it
I tried I tried my best

Now a call, "Can you indentify a body, we found
your name and address in the victims pocket
it was a bit crumpled but we finally figured out the numbers
so can you please come look at this body'?

Could I
Could I

How come it has to be me
Why do I have to be the one to look at your dead body
Why did I have to be the one you chose
Why did I have to stay
Why did I stay

Shaking as I walk to the table you lie on
Looking at you
Memories fill my head

Click

You and me walking
hands clasped
the same music playing inside our heads
looking at each other with pure
unadulterated love
The future ...

Click

You look peaceful
not what  I expected
 better than you did the last time
I saw you
the day you picked up your knapsack
and begged one more time
for me to please let you stay

Be hard I tell myself
don't give in
peace at last
no more beatings
no more pleading with you
please don't
please don't drink
please get help

Did I forsake you?
Did God forsake you?
Did you forsake yourself?


I kiss your eyes
Wipe away the tears
and say,
"Please forgive me"

Click


 

Author's Note

partially fictional

Reviews

[Devons]

This is tragically beautiful and very sad indeed. I really like the way you separated sections of images with a *click* like a camera taking cold snapshots of a memory, conjuring up the idea of another cold camera - the one that snaps pictures of a corpse, cold and without humility...
It is something i have pondered at times.. running into someone again one day to find they have fallen to a low ebb - and its an image you do not wish to face.. The same way you would not wish to face that same image in your own reflection.. To compare faces between dates - and see the horrible difference the ravages of time and experience have written upon you. Like Dorian Gray's painting...
It is also a stark warning to alcholics - although i don't think it would make any difference to the outcome..

[Chloe..Across the Universe]

Devons we miss you here you were are one of the best writers and reviewers I hope you come back again thank you for this reviewh

[Deaths Cold Kiss]

I love this poem especially "I kiss you eyes Wipe away the tears and say, "please forgive me""

[robert]

Obiviously written with deep and sincere feelings. Well composed and presented.

[1809 Black Plague Decem..]

its hard to find oneself in such situation. I have a best friend with a drinking problem.
I cried to him one time, though not fair to him, that if he died, I'd lose another good friend
and did not know how to hand such happening if it did occur.

Its always tough, ---mishy xx

[BrightEyes]

the line is so often blurred between that feeling of self-preservation and needing to be there for someone we care about. no matter how hard we try, we cannot control the actions of others in the end and there is no way to escape the feeling that we somehow let another down when tragedy befalls them. no matter the reasons good and right that we separated ourselves from a damaging situation, that constant "what if" always rears up within us - you are a generous and giving spirit and I'm sure (if that is the true part) that you did everything within your power to assist ..all we can give is our best, and I have no doubt you did that.

*hugs*

laura

[Doug]

fictional or not, this was heartbreaking. i sometimes feel like ive let people down even when i know that they were the ones who let me down (not to say that im always right� im not very often!). great writing.

-doug-

[poetforlife]

Wow, this is so moving. My father was an alcoholic and died from the disease so I feel so much of the guilt and pain in these words. We have to understand that it is not our fault and it is o.k. to have made the decision to let go. After a while, the pain that it causes you, instead of the alcoholic is just too much to bare. They numb their pain and you are left to have the knife cut you open with no anestesia(sp). Very well written. I think anyone who's ever had hard love with an alchoholic can totally relate to this.