Your Other Love

just came to me so i got up and jotted it down ..

You kissed me dizzy
said you were going for a walk
i didn't think to follow
the doctor said you were fine
a complete recovery
almost a miracle

And yes, it seemed so
the sunshine was back in your eyes
burning brightly
darkness blotted
gone

Thinking back
perhaps
the brightness shining through
was the madness seeping in
once again
and i didn't notice
so happy was i that you were back

A few hours later a knock on the door
a man in uniform standing there
looking anxious, nervous
my heart fell
i could not swallow

Seems you had walked calmly, quietly
into the Sea
no looking back
no struggles
you succumbed to your other love
Mistress Sea

You had left me
left me alone
hollow and empty
dizzy
but not from your kisses

Sometimes as i set by the shore
where you took your last walk
the sun shining down
my eyes blurred from the brightness
i see you there in the water waving
waving and smiling at me

my heart lightens

Setting there with the moonlight melting
into the Sea
I think i hear you call my name
softly, faintly
oh so sweetly i hear you say my name

my heart sings again

It is only the waves crashing in
my heart dies again
you are gone
swept away willingly into her arms

It's these times i curse her
her beauty,  seduction
she took you from me
so far away

It hurts to breathe
i cannot feel
inside i am as dead as you
half not whole

I die again with each wave that tickles my toes



 

Author's Note

trying to write something new.. so tired of trying to find the right reviews for the few poems i have left... starting over seems easier .. tho i would gladly repost my poem Different .. gone

Reviews

[An Ordinary Woman]

Oh my!! The poems that come to you are fantastic. This is so sad. Is there a story behind it? I love how you carry the message here and the ending so sad but beautifully penned my friend.



Author's Note: I know, I've had the same prob, so sorry Chloe.

[THE BLACK SEAL]

you seem to play heavily on cliches and it is probably due to that recognition that you are so popular in some circles. i find some of the stuff to predicatable and this is a shining example of a poem that has been written and re-written to death by bleeding hearts all over filled with a strange childish oversentimentality.
I am not saying that you are a bad writer. i think you are definately not a bad writer but i think that you have a lot more to offer than the same old boring garbage that mundane people think and write. you have an inner voice that stands apart you just need to realize it

[Amanda]

a very lovely and sad poem. it is wonderful and well written. it is such a sad tale of someone losing someone they loved to another lover, but there was no winnig him back.

good job....

Always,

Amanda = ))))

[Mr. Lopez]

The best works come that way . Without preperation . They will pour out of you like blood. Your feelings are felt by all because of it . Well done.

[V. K. Harris]

This is breathless, I found myself in the scene hearing the sounds and the scent of romance was beautiful. Excellent write.

[[deleted]]

OMG THAT WAS FABULOUS! what the heck dude, i thought you said you only wrote in that other style...lol... there i go again forgetting others write fiction too. :) So this was incredible. Free flow, and fabulously so. Rhythmic. Incredible images. Wonderful storyline. Great, great ending. I just loved the continuous minor repetitions. "setting" - spectacular. I questioned "set" and I'm sooo glad you used it again to clear up confusion. I dont have enough positive adjectives here yet. Let's add, Excellent! - for "you kissed me dizzy," and Marvelous! for both "darkness blotting" & "moonlight melting," and "inside I am as dead as you"... that one made me mist a little. You are very talented. And kudos on the format.

[Forest Green]

Fabulous...what a wonderful, individual, poem you have written. I'm 'keeping it' in my library.

Excellent. The play on 'dizzy' was truly excellent.

I liked the entire poem vey much.

Daniel

[Kat-Marie Berti]

Amazing poem, really touched me, very beautiful and filled with sadness and emotions! I wonder what the entire story behind this is? Makes me very curious :) Very excellent piece, I loved it very much!

[Jasmina Amethyst Pendra..]

Oh my god. That was fantastic and beautiful and sad. I had forgotten how wonderful your work is. I am so sorry it has been so long. I was really ill. I am glad to be back though...especially after reading this. Bravo.

Liv

[B. Lapinski]

nice write..well done cheers...

[J. Marc]

This is an excellent poem, not only for the painful sentiments you chose to write about but also the skilful way you expressed them: very simple, very close to the heart of any human being. We go through the same torment as the author with every line and the excruciating ending is very well felt by the reader.

Most people are indeed happy to have found a cause, a commitment or something that is greater than oneself. It makes us forget about our little person and enlarges, so to speak, our vision and the value of our life. People have such relationship with sea also. It is hugely attractive for its capacity to express extremes, almost in sublime manners.

May the sea, also bring you the renewal you need. May its waves soothe your heart little by little and transform you into some sort of Venus, rising from this immensity, hence making of it the source of your future happiness!!! Don't keep your love so withdrawn.