Swimming To The Moon

why not? would be good exercise

If i could fall into the ocean
i would swim to the Moon
plant a flower
paint a picture
gaze down at planet Earth
see all her seas
if i could fall into the ocean
i would swim to Mars
greet the Martians
with an earthy grin say,
look at me
i swam all the way to Mars
just to say Hello my Martian friends
why all the wars here?
Red planet
Look down at my homeland, Earth
Not red but lots of waring there as well
If i could fall into the ocean i would swim into the
arms of Venus
maybe her love could save us all
 

Reviews

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I don'tknow thinking here has made you write one hell of a masterpiece with an excellant message... yeah the human race is in need of saving we just need to step back and take a look... so beautiful and thought provocing write. Defiantely a fav of mine.

[1809 Black Plague Decem..]

like vintage---beautiful....:D ---mishy

[O!]

I could tell that you wanted to say a lot in this poem....ur thoughts were getting the better of you....the reason why i say so coz this poem of urs is very different....its compact for one....ur message is as always powerful....it seems like u wanted to say alot but didnt wanna say it all so kept it general concentrating on an issue that everyone can relate to...
save me!

x
O!

[Leah Maldonado]

you beautiful use of hidden meanings and refrences! I liked the ending very much, about the whole venus thing,...it bring alot of images to mind and its fantastic.
Thank you for the review and place in the contest.
Leah

[Melody P-]

I enjoy you ending with the last stanza the tragic truths and the longing as "maybe her love could save us all"
I felt the passion in the beginning and smiled and smerked throughout and in end... great impact;)

[Emily B]

If I could fall
I might save us all.

Stunning pure unassuming voice that tells us innocently of doing the impossible. This is really beautiful.

[le Britt]

this is a beautiful poem. i like your use of unique and magical imagery to portray such an under-examined, alarmingly unsettling concept in the last stanza, the most critical point of the poem. all your pleasantries collide as a realist point of view becomes apparent, but not over-bearing:

Look down at my homeland, Earth
Not red but lots of warring there as well
If i could fall into the ocean i would swim into the
arms of Venus
maybe her love could save us all

nicely done.

[Lydia Shutter]

Perhaps a one armed goddess could save the planet better than anyone else. Certainly we are in need of saving on many levels. The unique perspective you present here is clever and thought provoking. I enjoyed it. Lydia

[Rin]

Very origional piece, I like how it's seems so random and different and it makes me think of how there are times where you think you can do anything.

[Gary H]

Super ending. I don't like saying that at the start of a read but I am very impressed with the last two lines especially. I think I would be inclined to change 'Not red but lots of warring there as well' to 'Blood red with war there as well'.

In some ways this is a fun read but in other ways there is a very distinct message to take away from this - the thought of getting away from this planet and looking down at the way we live - the decisions that are bound to destroy us all - bet the Martians are having a great laugh at us heating up our planet to the same colour as theirs.......

Great work!

[Blackbirdsong]

Chloe, this carries so much depth and innocence. The idea of swimming to the moon and asking the plants questions is sweet, but the questions you ask bring it power and strength. I really like this one. :)