Lilith

This is about someone I met when I was young whose name I didn't learn until very recently. I learned a hard lesson when I discovered that she wasn't as good for me as I thought she was.

I smile, looking back on the first time we met. 

I was young... only twelve. 

I was just starting to hurt. 

You called to me; however, I wasn't ready to listen just yet. 

You didn't give up on me though; you were patient.

You waited.

"You didn't need me then", you later told me. "I knew you would one day, and I was willing to wait; I couldn't abandon you. I would never abandon you."

You were so kind. 

You listened.

You were so non-judgmental.

You didn't ask for much in return; nothing monetary.

Of course, I could spare what you asked.

I turned sixteen two months ago, in November. 

You've been back for eight months.

We spend almost every night together.

The agreement is the same: you lend an ear, and I provide payment.

Tonight is no different.

You travel across my skin. 

Sting, drip, splash. Sting, drip, splash.

When you've had your fill, and I've told my stories for the day, I feel a sense of calm. 

I watch the stress, the anger, the burning self-loathing that once pitted in the center of my chest, bleed into the water and wash away. 

Not a single stain.

You're smart; porcelain isn't a hassle to clean up like carpet or even tile.  

My secret is safe.

You are safe, tucked away in your box in the back of the last drawer of my jewelry box.

Everything is in place.

I sleep soundly as I always do on the nights we spend together.

I awake this morning, and as usual, I wonder... why I let you do this. 

Why I do I let you tell me what to do with my time? 

I can wear only what you tell me to.

I can have only the friends that you approve of. 

I can only participate in the activities you say are okay; you're taking softball and choir, my sport and my music, away from me.

You've gotten so goddamn demanding... controlling. 

I despise you. 

With every ounce of my being. 

I almost toss your sorry a*s to the curb; throw you away for good.

...Almost...

I want to laugh in your face as you drown in the remnants of your own sin--the rusty brown tissues hidden under random scraps of toilet paper and old face wash bottles...

But then, in that soft, soothing, musical tone of yours, you speak to me.

I see your beauty--the same beauty I saw that first night we reconnected--and the way you glow under the light in which we first met.

You bring the spark back into my life. 

You bring the color back to me when it fades and the world falls into a lifeless, monochrome blur.

It never takes me long to realize that I'm a f*****g fool.

I can't live without you.  

I'm sorry.

Can you forgive me?

You only want what's best for me; you're trying to save me from myself.

Sometimes, I'm blinded by what I see everywhere else.

I forget what you've done for me.

I promise, we'll spend extra time tonight, okay?

Please..., just don't go.

I don't know where I would be without you.

Just... stay....

I need you, Lilith.

Author's Note

Nothing of particular note. If you want the full story on Lilith, I'm more than willing to explain. Just ask.

Reviews

[Carol Cashes]

Dear God, what a little mind blower this is! Totally get her importance and her burden. But, you know, the Devil is a lie, as they say here in the south. A cutter? I have faced my would be murderer, I have faced adversity and poverty, but a blade? Nope. Add roller coasters to that Nope list. I'm too old to be a fangirl...they have to jump around and do stuff...right? So, I'll just work on not being that creepy letter writer that freak celebrities out...Your writing skills make reading your work a pleasure. As for my work, Rites of Passage, The Terrorist, Family Plots, and for humor: The Women's Club and You Know You Need a Salad When.

[Jamie]

Thank you. I appreciate the compliment.

...really...? A blade or roller coasters after all of that? Well, everybody has their Nopes, I suppose.

Wrote this back when I was 16, as stated, now almost 23. There was some revision and expansion before I posted, but the core is still there. Originally written for a poetry project for Honors English sophomore year.

I will definitely check that out when I'm not falling asleep at my computer. XD Want to be able to give it an honest look..

[LovePoetry0004]

Truly great, very interesting. This poem made me think about how this probably happens everyday. I loved the sorta dramatic ending....... Gave it a great twist.

[Jamie]

Thank you for your feedback! I appreciate it, particularly on this piece. I've wanted some review of it since I revised and expanded it.

If you want the truth, it used to. As noted above, this was written five years ago. I've gotten better in some areas, this one in particular. I'm glad you liked the idea though, and once more, I appreciate the feed back.

If there's anything you think that need improvement, let me know. Don't let the subject matter drive you from constructive criticism. :)

[Chip Murison]

Great poem - deeply moving. Lilith makes a visit in your poem "Anger" too. The seductive demon of the night.
I really like your poetry for its gritty raw emotion expressed directly.
Great stuff here Elendarin.

[Jamie]

Thank you so much for your feedback as always! I'll be sure to take a look at more of your work once again when I can; Schrodinger's Cat kind of got me hooked! x3

I appreciate that. It seems like the dark, very brutally honest poetry is where my poetic niche is. ...Can't do anything really sunshiny and rainbow-y. Tried once. Wasn't good. .__.

Yes, yes she did. She just hadn't given her name yet. I'm thinking about writing something to explain her a little more... between classwork anyway.