I Should Have Told Her

This is a piece I wrote about six years ago. I was not in a good place. It was based around two of my characters, a male and a female.

'Is this what they want?' Desperate whispers in dirty light

'Or what I want?' Cold steel to salty streaked cheeks

'No more worry.' The hammer draws back

'No more pain.' Eyes squeeze shut

'No more blood.' Finger on the trigger

'…Freedom.' A shot rings out

 

Splatter of Crimson

Body in a heap

Clatter of metal

No one to weep

 

No one to mourn her

No one to care

No one rip her

From death's tight snare

 

No one to save her

No one to see

No one to stop her

No one to plea

 

'Don't do this, we love you!'

She waited for years

'Put it down, we can help you!'

An absence of tears

Only received were narrowed eyes; caustic glares

Faces with smirks and ugly smug sneers

 

'We knew it would come.'

They loom over her grave

'She's better off dead.'

They knew she would cave

 

Cave to the sadness

Cave to the fear

Cave to the loneliness

To the call of death that only she could hear

 

Cold stone in the shade

One stands alone

Cheeks stained with tears

Sobs coming in waves

 

'I should have told her.' Weak murmurs in thick air.

'What held me back?' Why couldn't he share?

'I could have saved her.' Someone did care.

'... Now I'm alone.' One left of the pair.

Author's Note

Keep in mind that this piece is old. I was dicking around with different poetry styles at the time, and my writing has changed and improved since then. Regardless, please give any constructive criticism you have to offer!

Reviews

[Stan Lee]

I thought it was pretty good myself. You told a tragic romantic story using perfect rhymes. I liked the formatting. I think it worked well with the theme of the poem. The expression of what the victim went through and the reaction to her death was very realistic and raw. "she's better of dead" so callous, but an honest portrayal the attitudes and bitterness.
Stay inspired!

[Jamie]

Thank you so much! It's an old, old poem, but I'm glad it was still something worth reading. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work; it means a lot!