Mary

Life through the eyes of Mary

Andrew wasn't the smartest of kids. He, like many others, was weak to the temptations of girls, drugs, and fitting in.

My name wasn't always Mary. It used to be Bear. Andrew was nearly the same size as me when he named me that. It was probably one of the few words he could say at the time. I've grown up with the kid, but we've never been close. He was never one of those kids who was overly attached to their stuffed animals. I wasn't brought to summer camp or slept with at night, but I didn't collect dust on a shelf either. I instead had a place alongside a litany of other stuffed friends in a pile in his closet. We were seldom played with. It was a dark existence for many years, but you'd be surprised how much you can still learn from behind closed doors. People keep their skeletons in the closet...

It wasn't until Andrew was a teenager that he really paid any attention to me. Even then, it wasn't exactly positive. I was used.

"Awww, Andy! You still have a teddy bear. Such a cutie!"

I had heard that voice quite often. It belonged to a girl. Claire. Andrew had started to spend a lot of time with her. They were good... friends? They were probably more than friends. Sometimes her visits lead to strange sounds and lots of giggling. It's hard to tell just exactly what goes on from inside the closet. I think it was Claire who introduced Andrew to drugs.

"Shut up, Claire"

"What's its name?"

"Why are you asking about my stupid bear?"

That one kind of stung. It hurt more when he shoved me aside to grab the little bag of pot he had hidden deep in his pile of smiling fur and stuffing.

"Every teddy needs a name"

Claire picked me up and pouted at me. I didn't fail to notice that her lipstick was smeared. Most of it was in crimson streaks down Andrew's neck.

"Let's name her right now, Andy"

Andrew was busy rolling his herbs in a little piece of paper and reaching for his lighter. He rolled his eyes at her.

"Alright sweetheart"

He lit it, took a long drag, and looked to the ceiling before handing her the burning joint.

"Let's name her... Mary"

They smiled, laughed, and after a few more hits were higher than kites. Such clever children. They deserved an award.

I had been placed on the bed. It was nice to be out of the closet. Out of the dark. Even if it was only to a room of smoke and hormones. Claire stayed for a little while longer. I'm not entirely sure what they did. A shirt was thrown over me at some point during her visit. When it was finally removed and I could see, I found myself being lifted into the air by her skinny white arms.

"Can I keep her?"

"Sure, babe. But I have an idea"

Andrew pulled a shiny red pocket knife out of his pocket. I think his father had given it to him for his twelfth birthday. He then grabbed me from her hands and stabbed me right in the back. It might have been poetic, if not for the foolish reasoning behind it. It didn't hurt. Not at first. It wasn't until I felt the cold plastic bag inside of me and realized what it meant that I felt a real sting. I knew I had just become a vessel for illegal substances. The key to their ecstasy. He passed me back with a wink.

"Just be sure to bring Mary along whenever we hang"

Claire's house wasn't any better than Andrews. As soon as we got to her room, I was thrown on the floor. Face down. Back into darkness. During the next few months I was filled with a pharmacy full of drugs. Carelessly dragged back and forth from Andrew's and Claire's. I stopped paying attention to what they filled me with. I didn't care anymore. My stuffing starting falling out in small white tufts. One time Claire noticed and threw a piece up into the air.

"Look, baby. It's snowing"

Andrew looked at her with bloodshot eyes and snorted.

"You know, Claire... I've got a shitload of those things in the closet. We could just start using a new one. Mary's looking a little worn out"

Like that was my fault.

"But Mary is our baby"

She pulled me to her large chest and kissed my forehead. Her lips tasted like cheap liquor. I guess they had picked up drinking as well. Lovely.

"Whatever, babe. I don't really care"

Neither do I, Andrew.

Andrew and Claire left me behind on his bed the next morning. I don't know where they went. So much for being their baby. I laid there staring at the ceiling, when a woman I rarely saw entered the room. Andrew's mother. She looked worn. No better than I. She cast a quick glance around the room and then her eyes landed on me - confused.

"Bear?"

I was frankly surprised she remembered my name. Then again, maybe she didn't. She picked me up with a chuckle into her warm hands and started to smile. A soft crinkling sound quickly wiped the smile off of her face. She was an intelligent woman. She fondled my chest for a few seconds and then found my hole. My dirty secret. Soon, a bag of small white pills was pulled from me. I was once again on the bed. She stuffed them into her pocket and then covered her beautiful face with those warm, soft hands.

"Oh, Bear"

Andrew wasn't the smartest of kids.

Author's Note

I'm not sure I like this one.