Chapter 3- On The Subway. The Metro Kind, Not The Food Place!

The scene shifts over to inside of a run down beat up looking train, the three of them realize they’ve taken the wrong train and are completely off track. Kidd is upset with Jax while Soren thinks to himself “And here we go again”.

 

Kidd: “I thought you knew how to get there! You said you take the train to East Caesar all the time.”  

 

Jax: “Do I look like a damn GPS?! Do you see me in a conductor hat? I don’t know these train schedules like that. Besides, I wanted to make a stop somewhere before we go.”

 

Kidd: “YOU DAMN LIAR! YOU SAY THAT EVERY TIME WE GET LOST!”

 

The passengers are staring at the two of them. They are talking amongst themselves. Soren can only shake his head. Jax stands up now and the passengers are getting intimidated by his imposing figure. He lets out a loud scream that almost sounds like a war cry then punches a dent in the steel walls of the train. Kidd doesn’t back down and continues to taunt Jax.  

 

Kidd: “Who are you scaring with those animal mating calls, you need to be scared of this.”

 

In less than a second Kidd pulls out a pistol from his pants and aims it at Jax’s head.  The passengers are panicking. Jax is unfazed and laughs it off

 

Jax: “You think cause you got a gun to my head I’m supposed to be scared? With bullets like that, it’ll feel like a bee sting. Bet you can’t pull the trigger fast enough to�"

 

Kidd (with a grin on his face): “Look behind you”

 

Jax looks behind him, confused because he only sees scared passengers running around but then he notices out of the corner of his eye, Kidd’s custom made pistol is unloaded with shells surrounding them. Jax then notices that Kidd has a knife up to his throat. Jax starts to smile

 

Jax: “You should know better than to point sharp objects at people.”

 

Jax grabs the knife and breaks it. He then flexes his muscles which causes enough force to blow Kidd a few inches. The two of them still argue as they watch the passengers running around trying to make their way to the conductor for help. Suddenly the lights go off. 

 

Jax (looking at Kidd): “Well I guess someone wants to blast the lights.”

 

Kidd flicks him off and reaches into his coat and pulls out a flashlight. Jax comments on his seemingly endless supply of equipment. Kidd waves his flashlight around trying to make sense of what’s going on while ignoring Jax. Kidd is busy looking around, passengers are running around exiting the train and Soren is nowhere to be seen.

Author's Note

Let me know what you think

Reviews

[Ruby Read]

Ah! Where'd Soren go? I liked him too!!! I like how Jax and Kidd are always fighting, it makes them the funny ones. I really liked it when Jax broke Kidd's knife in half, THAT was cool. He's right though, where DOES Kidd get all his stuff??? I like that though, so don't change it, it's hilarious when a character always has a bunch of equipment and you just can't figure out where they get them!

[State of Grace]

I love how Jax and Kidd mess around with each other! XD

[Waka Crusnik]

First off the comical element is written pretty well; I've been reading for a few chapters now and I'm taking this isn't a very serious story, or at least very... comical and rage filled! There are unanswered questions about Soren that does draw me to continue reading, and since Jax and Kidd are always in verbal combat, that's another fun thing to follow.

There were only two things that I wanted to bring to your attention. I do understand that this is supposed to be written like a script but scripts do give descriptions in parenthesis. The only character feature that I can pick from this point is that Soren is intimidating (since he was scaring the passengers) and Jax has muscles. It's always good to establish early what your characters look like so the reader can have that image in their head, because if you don't their own ideas of the character will formulate. Then when you finally give a description, the reader will be like "o_o" since they have to erase their own mental image to add yours.

Another thing that is giving me difficulty in keeping up with the story is the lack of concern I feel for any of them. There's been a lot of confrontation, they're on the run from something, and the stakes are pretty high. It's difficult for me to make an emotional connection with these characters because there hasn't been anything personal or deeper brought out into the open. Maybe I'm stopping too early to make this analysis but we are in chapter three, and I don't know how this is going.. by episodes? By manga chapters? I'm not entirely sure.

All and all, just keep writing and revising.

[sugar]

im still lovin jax and i dont think it was too short at all

[Kho-San]

Hmm, bit short, but it would be longer when drawn. Really cool, quite a good ending too, bit of a cliffhanger.
No complaints.

[Rae]

Oh my gosh! I seriously LOVE how Jax and Kidd talk to each other. It makes them seem like they hate each other, but they really don't. Jax is still my favorite so far and how he broke that knife was completely awesome! It might be just me, but I would definitely want to see more of Jax and Kidd. Those guys are just too funny. On a more serious note, I like the imagery in the battle scenes. I can easily visualize what is happening. And it makes me want to read more. Keep it up! ^^