Chapter 1- Introduction

The very first chapter of the 30 Chapter Story Arc entitled: "The Skymon Saga"

 It is around ten in the evening. You can hear the sounds of cars driving, people arguing with one another, and a siren going off. The streetlights are on and there is a character named Soren who is out taking a stroll around the block. He has a book in his hand and a flashlight attached to it so he can see. The book appears to be called “You Can’t Spell Evil without Lie”

 

Soren: “Wow. I am surprised she ended up like that. I never thought she was behind it all. I can’t wait to see her fate.”

 

While Soren is walking and turning the pages he is stopped by three men.

 

Gang Member #1: “Looks like you picked a wrong part of the neighborhood to walk around alone.”

 

Soren stops reading his book and pulls out a bookmark from his pants pocket. He puts it in the page he was last reading and closes the book. He then looks calmly at the three men

 

Soren: “I’m sorry. Who are you guys?”

 

Gang Member #1: “We’re members of the Commandos and-”

 

One of the other members stops him from finishing his sentence.

 

Gang Member #2: “Law, there really is no reason to give answers to a dead man. Just know us as the people who are going to bury you.”

 

Afterwards the three gang members all pull out guns from their pants. Soren doesn’t seem to be phased and looks more interested than anything

 

Soren: “Three “Revolution” pistols? A 92 series if I’m not mistaken. How did you guys manage to get your hands on guns anyway?”

 

Law: “You’re quite talkative aren’t you? Shouldn’t you be more worried about dying?”

 

Soren has a blank look on his face and stares Law in his eyes

 

Soren: “Not really”

 

Law: “That’s it! Light him up boys!”

 

The three men open fire on Soren. Soren smacks the bullets away with his book and dodges a couple with ease. The three men look at him in awe.

 

Law: “What, or who the hell are you?” 

 

Soren: “I’m a strange guy. If I know the trajectory of the gun and how your finger moves when you pull the trigger it’s easy to avoid.”

 

The three men don’t seem to believe him and keep shooting. Soren deflects them all and in a split second appears a few inches in front of them. He looks impatient.

 

Soren: “You guys are becoming an annoyance now. You’ve shot off 27 bullets now. There’s no more ammunition in none of your guns, so please drop them. There’s no need to continue this senseless fighting any more.

 

Gang Member #3: “F**k you, you b*****d!”

 

The gang member makes an attempt to pistol-whip Soren but before he can do so, he is tapped on the shoulder by Soren, along with the rest of the gang. They drop to their knees for a few seconds, and then finally fall on the ground.

 

Soren: “No worries. Even though you won’t be able to move for a while, I’ll let one of your friends know where you are.”

 

Soren picks up all of their guns and throws them in the nearest dumpster. He walks away from them and continues to read his book. Ten minutes later Soren walks into a building and is greeted by somebody as soon as he walks in.

 

Person: “What book are you reading now?”

 

Soren: “This new mystery book I picked up yesterday morning”

 

Person: “How many pages is it?”

 

Soren: “657”

 

Person: “How far are you on it now?”

 

Soren: “I have 30 pages left”

 

Person: “You read too fast!”

 

Soren: “I probably would have finished during my walk but something came up”

 

Person: “Now that you mention it, it seems like your weekly walk took a lot longer than usual Soren, what happened?”

 

Soren: “I had a little run in with some people.” 

 

Person: “I hope you fucked them up.”

 

Soren: “So much profanity Jax. But I didn’t bother”

 

Jax (disgustedly): “You say that bullshit every time you fight somebody. Are you scared to have some blood on your hands? I’m pretty sure those guys weren’t looking to go out for pizza. If they’re out to kill you, why not kill them?”

 

Soren: “The only reason King is dead is because of me. Believe it or not there are a few people that don’t live to kill Jax.”

 

Jax: “Maybe if the b******s I’ve killed weren’t so weak then they’d still be alive. Not my problem if they succumbed to their injuries”

 

Soren (Walking away): “Whatever you say Jax. Whatever you say.”

Author's Note

Read and let me know what you think! Would like detailed feedback please. Thanks for reading!

Reviews

[Anonymous]

I like the imagery. I'm drawn to know more about Soren and Jax. The dialogue was nicely worded and I didn't see any spelling or grammar mistakes. I thought that this was a good opening to your story, which I am eager to watch unfold. Please continue and keep up the good work.

_Cloud

[Nihilum]

IT'S AMAZING!!
I'm interested in Soren, and can;t wait to read the rest :3
You're amazing

[Imagination-mage]

i really like this story, but it'll take me a while to finish!

[Boldpen]

Cool!
The book is very great.
This chapter was such a wonderful model of character introduction, just with the actions.
Wonderful...
Will be reading the rest.

[Esana Bridges]

...Yay for scripts ~

The dialogue is super believable, and I really like Soren (both the name and the character). One thing that kind bugs me is that when you use scripts, you don't usually put the "" for speaking.

I really like the action and it's a good introduction.

[SheDreamsInTheSun]

This is a great Intro, I got into it! There were a couple of awkward words here and there, but it doesn't take away from the quality of the story. Very nice, keep it up.

[Molento]

I just have one word: WOW

[Samurai]

It really was like a manga ^-^ I enjoyed reading this a lot. The main character Soren seemed amazingly cool and mysterious. I also like how Soren and Jax's characters are totally different. You did a good job and i will be reading the second chapter.
Oh! and i didn't spot any grammar or spelling mistakes :)

[Iyvoriah L.]

It sounds good. Definitly a good way to open. There are only a few problems I see- grammatically, you need to have more commas in more places. Writing-wise, you seem to be writing it more like a play, which I can understand if you're going to want to insert it into manga. However, if it says who the person is with a colon (Soren:, for example), then you don't really need quotation marks around what they're saying, but it makes it easier to understand, so whatever works best. Thirdly, the way a few of the italicized portions are written I would personally put more detail into (ie, pants pocket instead of just pants- [when they pull a gun on him]). I would probably have made the section longer, as well, but I know it goes on in other chapters so I can see why it got cut short. Also, Soren seems like a very sophisticated type of person, and as such, would probably use different words or wording in a few places; like when asked what he is, he wouldn't just explain what he can do off the bat. They asked him what he was, not how he could do what he did. Also, as a tip, I'd like to say that if you do have the manga pages written out and finished then (if you can) you could upload them into the writing. In TOFF_MATT 's Threads of Fate (it's on here, if you want to look it up) there are pictures in the writing.
Sorry if this is too long and bossy, just attempting to help :P

[Blue Moon Ice Cream]

I don't know anything whatsoever about the manga genre, but I'm guessing this is going to be put into a cartoon or a comic? It's a little weird to read in this form...it's almost like a play, but then there are these italics: "Soren calmly asks who the people are. The man says that they are members of the Commandos and is about to say more when he is stopped by his partner" that seem like they should be in dialogue form. Soren has an interesting skill, but this almost seems like it takes place in a vacuum (so far)....like there is nothing at stake, no real implications....there is nothing that is making the reader feel like this tale is important and compelling to read.

[simplycomplex]

i like it thus far. i wished he hadnt told those gang members his power. i think it would developed alot more curiosity into soren's life.