and we're back

thoughts that have begged to be heard yet never seem to get to the point.

i just wanna hit a backroad w a blunt and the homies while the speakers are so loud the windows are shaking and we can't even hear ourselves scream but we can feel it. we can feel the music, the lyrics the way we're all smiling like its the most fun we've ever had even tho we'll cry in agony once it's over and we're back home. walking up the same steps, grabbing the same door handle laying in the same damn bed again. ive gained Stockholm syndrome for a prison i no longer live in but a prison i loved nonetheless. we can feel each others pain the way we feel the music, i see you i see your smile but i know we're all trying to get that empty pit within us to come out, to finally stop dredging over us to stop covering us in this weighted blanket of euphoria so heavy its hard to pull ourselves up. as sad as it is, that prison, wasnt much a prison after all. maybe i am my own prison and thats why my feet have learned to imitate rocks like the ones that never move under the river as it rushes fourth on down to the next. maybe if i laid in the icy water and let it wash all the bad stuff away id feel like me again. i just want to feel like myself again. i've never felt more myself than amidst the war but on the battlefield i long for love and kindness and that gentle nurturing touch we all crave, but when i am not fighting for my life im misplaced i feel like time has stopped and sped up simultaneously set for end not worth seeing through. how can i be on such opposing sides for there is more to living than surviving and more to surviving than living.

Author's Note

im not really looking for criticism or much feedback to be honest, with all my words i still feel as if i havent gotten whats inside out but i don't think i ever will.